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When your husband wants you to get an abortion..WWYD? Aother Update in OP. - Page 4

post #61 of 99
Another thing...our shelters here are often full. You sometimes need to call several days in a row to get a spot. Also, many shelters here will give you a taxi voucher for transportation.
post #62 of 99
Coyotemist is right, but you don't necessarily need the shelter itself right this second - you need resources. That's why you're calling. I don't know what they'll have, exactly, but I am absolutely certain that they will have a list of phone numbers for people who need food, legal aid, transportation, medical care, and so on.
post #63 of 99
I do hope you are moving on the calls that have been recommended as it usually takes some sort of time to get a response to time is of the essence in your situation.
post #64 of 99
Thread Starter 
OK. I saw my upstairs neighbor get home who I talk to once in awhile and she said she would go to the store for me to get the Motrin and some juice for the kids. I also called H at work and told him not to show up here tonight or I was going to call the police, to which he said "I don't want to see your stupid *ss anyways, don't call me at work again or I'll tell them you're harrassing me and not to put your calls through." Then he hung up on me. So I really doubt he will show up here, he'll probably just go to his Mommy's house like the baby he is. At least that buys me somet ime to figure out where to go and what to do.

I just don't get it. I did NOTHING wrong, NOTHING to deserve this. I just can't believe I'm in this situation. At least my neighbor is willing to help me by going to the store for me. I'm going to call my mom and see what she can do to help, I haven't been able to get ahold of her because she's traveling.
post #65 of 99
2NB-

I'm posting some links for you and anyone else who may see this thread and need help.

***Please be very careful about clicking these links, as your activity on a home computer can be monitored by your spouse (IOW, it may be safer to check these out at an internet cafe or library).***

Here's a link on how to find a YWCA close to you:
http://www.ywca.org/siteapps/custom/...PIKpG&b=281414

Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
http://www.ndvh.org/

Another Domestic Abuse Hotline:
1-877-4.IT.2.STOP
1-877-488-8678
http://www.avhotline.org/
(this link says they can help you get free legal help)
post #66 of 99
Ok, given your updates, I think it's pretty clear that this is a terribly abusive situation, and that you need to get out of it to protect not only your and your kids' sanity, but also your health/lives. I don't mean to sound melodramatic, but the situation you're in is serious. You and your babies are in NO condition to be walking 15 blocks in that heat. And how will your babies (one of them very sick) do if you pass out in the house from dehydration/hunger/exhaustion, and your husband doesn't come home for hours and hours? I think calling a shelter or women's help group would be VERY appropriate RIGHT NOW!! I hope you've already done it. I hope you've already gotten help. As sad as it is, your situation isn't totally unusual, which is why there are groups out there to help you. You CAN get out of this!

If you still have any thoughts of saving your marriage (and I'm definitely not saying you should, but if you DO), any of that needs to happen AFTER you get yourself and your babies to a safe place, and get the medical treatment you need. No matter what your goal is in the end, the important thing is to get help and get safe NOW. Please do it.
post #67 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red_Lil_Mamma View Post
2NB-

I'm posting some links for you and anyone else who may see this thread and need help.

***Please be very careful about clicking these links, as your activity on a home computer can be monitored by your spouse (IOW, it may be safer to check these out at an internet cafe or library).***
If you are checking them on your home computer, after you are done go to 'Tools' then click 'Clear Private Data' and then click 'Clear Private Data Now' You can check all the options available to be extra safe but it's not necessary.
post #68 of 99
I don't have any advice for you other than what the others have all said which is "get out asap!" You're not crazy by any means. It sounds very dangerous for your kids and for yourself to be there. I hope your mom can help you out.

If you're comfortable doing so you may want to post what state you are in, perhaps an MDC mom can help you out. I know I would (but I'm in AZ and I'm guessing from the way you said your mom lives in AZ that you don't live here...on the off chance you do though send me a PM).
post #69 of 99
OK, so, thanks to your neighbor, you have food and Motrin for the kids. That's good news. You've solved one pressing problem.

Now, your husband has informed you that he's not coming home for some time. That's also good news, as you don't want to see him. But you have no transportation. What's the financial situation like? Do you have your own bank account? What about credit cards? Do you and your husband have joint finances?

If your finances are joint, your husband can empty the account and leave you with nothing. I do not think well of your husband at this point. It seems like the kind of crappy thing he would do to screw with you. You need money to take care of yourself and the kids, and you can't trust him to leave it in the bank for you.

So, I know it is difficult to go anywhere with the kids and in this heat, but if there is a significant amount of money in accounts that you hold jointly with your husband, you need to arrange to withdraw some of it - at least enough to get by for a little while, but as much of it as you feel you need. You can withdraw all of it if you want, and you shouldn't feel bad about doing so, especially if the amount is small - he has his mom to help him until the next paycheck. Put the money in your pocket if you like, or open a new account in your own name only, and put it in there.

Opening a new account in your own name only will allow family members like your mom to wire you money, or send you checks. If your finances are joint and they do these things, they could wind up giving the money directly to your husband.

So, now, you need:
- information about your financial situation
- transportation so that you aren't in exactly the same crisis tomorrow

In addition to the PD and local shelters, the YWCA and local churches may be able to help with these things. How are the phone calls going?
post #70 of 99

You are in my thoughts
post #71 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by janasmama View Post
If you are checking them on your home computer, after you are done go to 'Tools' then click 'Clear Private Data' and then click 'Clear Private Data Now' You can check all the options available to be extra safe but it's not necessary.
Yes, she can, but you have to be really careful not to depend on that.

Monitoring software can be easily installed on the machine. Usually that stuff is just sold to people who suspect infidelity or have kids they need to watch, but abusive spouses can (and do) buy and use it too.
post #72 of 99
I have been following this thread and just want to give you . I can't really add much more to all the great advice the others have given you. I'll be praying for you and your children.
post #73 of 99
Your posts have haunted me today and now the latest updates make me sick and upset for you and the kids.
I am scared for what someone with this kind of temper might do to you.
Seriously.
If he is angry, has not calmed down in over 24 hours and talks to you that way and knowing he wants you to have an abortion and is arguing with you over money, I am sorry...I just don't trust his intentions towards you at this point enough to stay in the house.
GET OUT and GET HELP where he cannot find you.
This is a classic typical story you frequently see on shows like Dateline and they don't always end well.
Not trying to sound ominous but its best to be safe than sorry.
Your husband sounds deranged and scary to me. I would take measures immediately to protect yourself, the baby and your kids from him.
I wouldn't sit around and wait to see what he does next.
post #74 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by OrchideZ View Post
Your posts have haunted me today and now the latest updates make me sick and upset for you and the kids.
I am scared for what someone with this kind of temper might do to you.
Seriously.
If he is angry, has not calmed down in over 24 hours and talks to you that way and knowing he wants you to have an abortion and is arguing with you over money, I am sorry...I just don't trust his intentions towards you at this point enough to stay in the house.
GET OUT and GET HELP where he cannot find you.
This is a classic typical story you frequently see on shows like Dateline and they don't always end well.
Not trying to sound ominous but its best to be safe than sorry.
Your husband sounds deranged and scary to me. I would take measures immediately to protect yourself, the baby and your kids from him.
I wouldn't sit around and wait to see what he does next.
I agree. Stik gave you some great advice. You need to protect your kids. Please take care of yourself and your children. Your children need you.
post #75 of 99
I hope you've made the right calls today and are somewhere safe now. s Please don't give him any more opportunities to do this to you. You need to get out. I hope you already are. I'll be thinking about you.
post #76 of 99
Goodness mama, I don't have anything new to say but I just wanted to send you some support
post #77 of 99
just wanted to wish you well...
post #78 of 99
I agree with so many others that have said it's emotional abuse. Can an abuser change? I believe everyone can redeem themselves if they try, but in so many cases the person does not truly want to change. My last partner was emotionally abusive in just the way you described your husband. I still cry recalling some of the horrible things he said to me, and I know for a fact he said them because he knew they would get to me in the worst way. I feel like that is what your husband did by suggesting this abortion, since you have tried for this baby for a while and are going through a hard as hell time with it.

I think you need to respect yourself and your children over his needs. I think that you do need to give him an ultimatum. You don't deserve abuse, and neither do your children.
post #79 of 99
: for you
post #80 of 99
I too, encourage you to leave. My dad never hit us but he was verbally abusive. I always wished my mom had left him but she didn't until recently. I resented her for it too.

You need to get to a safe place where you can be taken care of.

Do you have friends or family nearby? Can you move back with your parents for a while?
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