MIL...... a lactivist????

[ABrez]

We were visiting the inlaws and some of their neighbors came over with their one month old baby girl. Baby starts getting fussy while MIL is holding her and the baby's mom comments that she's ready for her bottle.....

MIL says, "We'll just give you to Abrez and she can give you REAL milk. Do you want some REAL milk." MIL hands baby back to her mom and says, "I think she wants REAL milk." (Emphasis hers.) :

Okay MIL and I have had our differences--including my choice to *still* be breastfeeding at almost two (gasp). But I could have kissed her then.

And BTW, when I did hold beautiful baby she kept rooting to nurse. MIL took that opportunity to say, "See!! She wants REAL milk!"

I think their neighbor hates me now, lol.

[Ruthla]

That's not lactivism. That's belittling a new mom for her choices instead of supporting her. Do you think MIL would have been just as disrespectful if the neighbor mom had NIPed?

Lactivism is about supporting moms who want to breastfeed, helping them get over hurdles, including improving societal attitudes about NIP and nursing in general. It's not about attacking moms who are bottlefeeding for whatever reason.

[ABrez]

I guess I should have said, the new mom, who is 16-- is nursing but only at home. And formula feeding outside of the home. MIL was trying to encourage her to give her 'real milk.' And I did sit there and nurse my almost two year old in front of her.

I feel like MIL was being a lactivist in her own way.

[shanti1]

Wow, I would have been humiliated and probably an emotional mess after that visit. I sure wouldn't go around MIL ever ever again. That's a horrible thing to say to a new mom.

[sapphire_chan]

Hmm, sounds like there might be some cultural confusion here, that sounds like your MIL is from another country.

For the standards I'm comfortable with, I do feel that "feel free to nurse here! Your baby should get to have real milk as much as possible. If you're uncomfortable we can find you a private spot, but don't feel forced to use a bottle or hide in my home!" would have been better.

As it was, it was too passive aggressive for positive communication.

I think she was going overboard to make up for bugging you about breastfeeding so much and it just got unfortunate.