Well, it was pretty unpleasant (fortunately, the kids were in the car; we were about to leave to go to swim lessons). She was very argumentative, wanted explanations, and then argued with the explanations (and denied she said/did the things she said/did, denied that I had said some of the things I said). As for the library books (which she said would be returned to the main branch of the library a week ago), she said, "Well, they're not overdue yet, so what's the problem?" But they're due *today*, and they're at the Tu/Th girl's house, so they *will* be overdue. And I asked her to return them *last week*, and she said she would; she didn't get that she was eroding my trust in her. She blamed it all on the librarians... I know the librarians who work Wed. a.m., and they are all very, very good, and I frankly don't believe it's the librarians' fault! Grr. I told her we had boundary issues and brought up the clothes, and she denied that she had gotten them out of my dresser (after she *told* me last week that she did). She DOESN'T GET that it's not okay to do that, doesn't matter whether the clothes were hanging from the lamp (and they weren't, they were in my dresser), it's not okay! And she was upset that I hadn't given her notice. I let her know that I didn't need to give notice when it was something regarding my kids and that if I couldn't trust her, there was no point in continuing.
The kids wanted to know what was up, and I talked to them about how super important they are, and even though Mommy really needs to finish her book (my diss), they come first, and that I really need to be able to trust the person who watches them. We talked about our private stuff and not getting into each other's stuff (big theme for the boys) and how she had gotten into my stuff and that it really upset me, and that when I asked her not to do certain things (the hair clips, the library stuff), she ignored me, and that it affected my ability to trust her. They're not upset, and the oldest definitely "gets it", so I think that's enough.
I saw her walking away as I drove the kids to swimming a few minutes later... I think she stopped and chatted with my neighbor for a bit (to say what? bad mouth me? Anything I could say to them about what she's done in my home trumps *anything* she could say about me).
Ug. I feel better having it over, but it will be *over* over for me when the library materials are returned and I've mailed her check.
Jess, thanks for the tip about visitors/bfs. That is not in there yet, but I will add it.
Juice, I'll even share my "guidelines" if you're interested.
Thanks for letting me blow off steam. Whew. Off to do a family bike ride... I'm going to *enjoy* not working today, darnit.