I'm sorry I've been missing for so long, mamas. I honestly just couldn't bear to log in here for a very long time. I haven't logged in since early March. I feel bad for just dropping out.
I lost my baby boy on March 6. I felt something was wrong, something was off, and I went into my 36 week appointment feeling a little nervous that I was in premature labor. Nothing prepared me for what happened next... they said there was no heartbeat. My little boy was gone.
I got my natural labor... well, almost. I decided to be induced that day rather than wait. They used cytotec, which I didn't realize at the time - I really didn't care at that point about anything. Apparently my body knew it was time, as it went into full labor right away. It wasn't that bad at all. I kept waiting for real labor to start (I had intended to get an epidural due to the circumstances, but I wanted to just wait until things got really painful before getting it). By the time I realized I really WAS in full labor I was hitting transition and the next contraction I was pushing.
Devin Alin was born still on March 6 at 6:58pm. He weighed 4lbs 10oz and was 17" long. He was perfect, precious.
My husband and I have been coping. I write a lot. We miss him so, so much. I have never felt as lost as I did those first weeks without my baby.
Devin was an IVF-conceived baby... and we really don't know what we're going to do now. We're "trying" again, but that didn't work too well last time. I'm hoping for the best, preparing for the worst.
Love and peace to all of you. Thank you for the birth beads. They're one more thing to put in Devin's memory box... one more thing to remind me that he really was here.
I lost my baby boy on March 6. I felt something was wrong, something was off, and I went into my 36 week appointment feeling a little nervous that I was in premature labor. Nothing prepared me for what happened next... they said there was no heartbeat. My little boy was gone.
I got my natural labor... well, almost. I decided to be induced that day rather than wait. They used cytotec, which I didn't realize at the time - I really didn't care at that point about anything. Apparently my body knew it was time, as it went into full labor right away. It wasn't that bad at all. I kept waiting for real labor to start (I had intended to get an epidural due to the circumstances, but I wanted to just wait until things got really painful before getting it). By the time I realized I really WAS in full labor I was hitting transition and the next contraction I was pushing.
Devin Alin was born still on March 6 at 6:58pm. He weighed 4lbs 10oz and was 17" long. He was perfect, precious.
My husband and I have been coping. I write a lot. We miss him so, so much. I have never felt as lost as I did those first weeks without my baby.
Devin was an IVF-conceived baby... and we really don't know what we're going to do now. We're "trying" again, but that didn't work too well last time. I'm hoping for the best, preparing for the worst.
Love and peace to all of you. Thank you for the birth beads. They're one more thing to put in Devin's memory box... one more thing to remind me that he really was here.
I'm, so, so sorry for your loss.
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