when are people going to get it?!?! (rant)

[1littlebit]

so i'm reading through the forum looking at past posts and some of the stupid and horrendous comments and requests directed at a nursing mom. It makes me angry! on you tube i saw the videos of the nurse ins and what not (they made me a little teary in a happy united we stand kind of way) and i wonder why people still just dont get it! how can someone really look at a breastfeeding mom and have the gaul to complain or snear? how can nursing ever be construed as obscene or innappropriate? i find it outrageouos that there is even a need to pass a law protecting your right to breastfeed wherever you are and i find it just as bad when those laws have conditions! it is known without a doubt that breastfeeding is absolutely the best thing for mother and baby so why in the h*ll do people continue to act as if nursing is a private thing... all this does is enforce the idea that it is somehow innappropriate! everytime someone working at an establishment hears a complaint and relays this complaint to the nursing mother the compainer is justified in his beliefs!! i wish that the rights of the breastfeeding mother and her baby were so well known and widely understood that when a situation where someone is uncomfortable arises the employer or whomever says 'if you are uncomfortable you will have to leave because she is doing nothing wrong' and then maybe people would get a clue. i wish more nurse ins and everything got better publicity and wider news coverage so more people would know. and so more people would be inspired to act. it is absolutely outrageous that we have to fight this hard for the right to do something completely normal and natural!!! ugh ok rant over. thanks for listening.

[GooeyRN]

I understand your anger!!!

I think others saying stupid stuff about bfing being private or needing a cover is due to ignorance or guilt. Guilt b/c they did not try to bf b/c they didn't want to, and ignorance (maybe they were never around children/didn't have any) b/c they don't understand that when a baby is hungry they will not quietly wait like an adult, and some babies will not eat under a cover.

[velcromom]

I know! I was so shocked when I realized some people had such a weird attitude about breastfeeding, I had never imagined such a thing. We'll keep working on it!

[ramama]

I agree! People's attitudes towards breastfeeding totally baffle me. I cannot even understand why anyone would object. I can't wrap by brain around it at all.

I also think that the pervading idea out there is that all babies only need to be fed every three to four hours (like formula-fed babies) and people don't understand why NIP is necessary because of that misperception. You know, nurse your baby at home, go to the grocery store, and come home to nurse your baby again, not knowing that BF babies often eat every hour or two or more often than that even. Also, society in general seems to think that pumping BM to feed while out is an easy thing to do, as easy as pouring BM from a jug. Major props to working moms and moms who express for medical reasons, it is not easy. I always had an overflowing over supply, but could never pump for that an ounce or two.

Personally, I would never observe a woman feeding her child, in any manner, and think that I have a right to comment or complain about it. Ever. I don't get people who think that they have a right to censure a BFing mother.

[TinkerBelle]

Originally Posted by ramama

I agree! People's attitudes towards breastfeeding totally baffle me. I cannot even understand why anyone would object. I can't wrap by brain around it at all.

I also think that the pervading idea out there is that all babies only need to be fed every three to four hours (like formula-fed babies) and people don't understand why NIP is necessary because of that misperception. You know, nurse your baby at home, go to the grocery store, and come home to nurse your baby again, not knowing that BF babies often eat every hour or two or more often than that even. Also, society in general seems to think that pumping BM to feed while out is an easy thing to do, as easy as pouring BM from a jug. Major props to working moms and moms who express for medical reasons, it is not easy. I always had an overflowing over supply, but could never pump for that an ounce or two.

Personally, I would never observe a woman feeding her child, in any manner, and think that I have a right to comment or complain about it. Ever. I don't get people who think that they have a right to censure a BFing mother.

I agree with you. However, until I came to MDC, I didn't realize that some babies nurse every hour. My two children who nursed, once they were a few months old, nursed every 3-4 hours. It was not my schedule, BTW. They did this themselves. During growth spurts it was different, of course.

Maybe some people are like me and didn't have the experience.

However, it is still wrong to berate women for feeding their children, no matter how it is accomplished, IMHO. But especially with BF, I do not understand where people get the idea that they have the right to comment and try to ban mamas from feeding their babies. The "go do that in the bathroom" really gets to me. I bet none of them would eat in a smelly, nasty public bathroom.

[elisent]

Originally Posted by ramama

I agree! People's attitudes towards breastfeeding totally baffle me. I cannot even understand why anyone would object. I can't wrap by brain around it at all.

I also think that the pervading idea out there is that all babies only need to be fed every three to four hours (like formula-fed babies) and people don't understand why NIP is necessary because of that misperception. You know, nurse your baby at home, go to the grocery store, and come home to nurse your baby again, not knowing that BF babies often eat every hour or two or more often than that even. Also, society in general seems to think that pumping BM to feed while out is an easy thing to do, as easy as pouring BM from a jug. Major props to working moms and moms who express for medical reasons, it is not easy. I always had an overflowing over supply, but could never pump for that an ounce or two.

Personally, I would never observe a woman feeding her child, in any manner, and think that I have a right to comment or complain about it. Ever. I don't get people who think that they have a right to censure a BFing mother.

: Not to mention that lots of EBF babies won't even take a bottle (especially from mom) and that mom could get mastitis if she was out all day feeding pumped milk to her baby.

[~girlsmum~]

I just wanted to share that I have no problem walking past a mother nursing her baby in the mall, the only facial expression mom might observe is one of envy perhaps..............I just failed at my attempt to relactate. I have respect for moms that stick to their guns and give their child nourishment as their LO needs it. It's only! by doing so, on a world wide level that any change is ever going to occur.

:Keep up the good work ladies! I wish I was able to join in your crusade for fair food for babies, but you DO have my support!:

[grumpyshoegirl]

Originally Posted by elisent

: Not to mention that lots of EBF babies won't even take a bottle (especially from mom) and that mom could get mastitis if she was out all day feeding pumped milk to her baby.

And even if mom pumps and baby gets a bottle while she's working, her baby may not LIKE a bottle, drink less from it, or refuse it from mom. Oh wait, that's my baby.

[Mommy2Haley]

Originally Posted by elisent

: Not to mention that lots of EBF babies won't even take a bottle (especially from mom) and that mom could get mastitis if she was out all day feeding pumped milk to her baby.

That has always been my biggest arguement when someone gives me *&$^& for breastfeeding in public. My daughter has never taken a bottle of breastmilk (or sippy, regular cup, spoon, etc) ... so how in the world would I feed her otherwise? NO, switching to formula is not the answer -- it's BOTTLES that's the problem, not breastfeeding. : (that's OUR situation)

Just a thought -- should we, as lactivists, work to encourage breastfeeding women to nurse their children whenever/wherever and stop giving into the demands of mainstream society?

[~girlsmum~]

Just a thought -- should we, as lactivists, work to encourage breastfeeding women to nurse their children whenever/wherever and stop giving into the demands of mainstream society?[/quote]


: ABSOLUTELY!

[1littlebit]

agreed! i worked my a%$ off to relactate even a little for ds and getting him to latch is anything but discreet (he thinks its a game). i feel sorry for the idiot who tells me to leave or cover up.. they will have big giant huge loud problems. and then some more big giant huge legal problems. but thats just me.. im mouthy. the only way to normalize nip is to do it! i would fight like he*% if someone said something to me .. but like i said .. im mouthy.. my bestfriend said she would probably move... shes not so big on the confrontations. the only way to normalize nip is to do it without shame and without fear... and to realize that its not overreacting to make a scene if someone asks you to leave or cover up. (this maybe easier for some then others)

[Dani Davids mum nz]

Sadly i'm not sure they will

I live in New Zealand and society here is far to politically correct to ever condone breastfeeding as the norm. mum's who practise breasfeeding after the age of 12weeks here are usually few and far between, my son is 8 months old and breastfed on demand, anytime anywhere, i get filthy looks all the time from other mothers when out in public but i'm used to it now i plan on bf until my son decides he doen't need it anymore. Why society thinks it is right to feed your child god only knows what in formula, when perfectly created breastmilk is right there i don't know. Sorry i'll get off on a rant now if i don't stop just makes me so annoyed people don't understand as i'm sure you agree! keep up the good work breastfeeding be proud!

[Lizbiz]

I have breastfed everywhere from day one. I just figured - look, having a baby does not mean I have to be at home when he feeds - that would be impossible, first of all, and very stifling to a normal life, second of all. In church (number one way to make it through service with a squirmy baby!), restaurants, airplanes, bathrooms (yep, even there, when I just gosh darn need some privacy), in stores, on the street, in too many cities to even count at this point, climbing up a mountain, at friends' houses, in front of my in-laws, etc. It's not always comfortable - I'm not overly concerned about exposure - but people do stare, especially as I latch on. Now, with DS being 11 months - we're pros, but I do remember being pretty tentative in some situations and being REALLY glad when I had help covering up when the baby was having trouble latching.

I hated that it wasn't the norm, and I still do, although I don't care as much what people think now that I'm a bit more experienced. I have heard so many women say they didn't choose to breastfeed for longer than a few months because they weren't comfortable bf'ing in public!!! That's NUTS!!!!

Another things, more women need to use slings and carriers, because as DS got older, that's the only way he nurses in public. It's so much easier - he's calm in the carrier and can latch on quickly. I think more women would feel comfortable nursing in public if they wore their babies. I can't imagine taking DS out of a stroller, strapping him on, and then nursing - kind of a lot of work.

Hooray for breastfeeding! I just think more women need to do it and encourage those who do it. I know I get a ton of affirmation whenever anyone gives me a thumbs up for continuing to BF.

[laurdsed]

You ask why people have such a hard time understanding the needs of breastfeeding families...why is it so hard to "get it". IMO, I think it's very easy to understand why.

We do not a have a family-centered society. For example, the politicians say they focus on "family values", but then rarely vote for rights for families (extended family leave, funding medical benefits for children, etc, etc.). Our whole society is centered on individual rights (and certainly not the rights of children). Until the focus is changed where the family is valued and regarded as something to protect and support, then we're going to continue to see problems with our citizens not understanding families' issues. We concentrate way to hard on the individual right to succeed vs. creating a supportive environment that people can then succeed in.

Sorry...that probably was a bit of a tangent, but I think still relevant to the conversation.

[merry-mary]

Agreed. I am very hopeful that by the time our children's generation is old enough to breastfeed that they will look back at all the nonsense and shake their heads ... and laugh at the "breastfeeding in public" legislation as completely arcane.

Here's hoping, right?

[Ziggysmama]

Originally Posted by Dani Davids mum nz

I live in New Zealand and society here is far to politically correct to ever condone breastfeeding as the norm. mum's who practise breasfeeding after the age of 12weeks here are usually few and far between, my son is 8 months old and breastfed on demand, anytime anywhere, i get filthy looks all the time from other mothers when out in public but i'm used to it now i plan on bf until my son decides he doen't need it anymore. Why society thinks it is right to feed your child god only knows what in formula, when perfectly created breastmilk is right there i don't know. Sorry i'll get off on a rant now if i don't stop just makes me so annoyed people don't understand as i'm sure you agree! keep up the good work breastfeeding be proud!

Hi Dani! I'm a kiwi too but I will have to disagree with what you said about New Zealand. I think NZ has some of the best pro-breastfeeding initiatives and a all round positive attitude towards breastfeeding and breastfeeding in public. Remember that experiment they did on Campbell Live where the mum went into various cafes to bf her toddler? No one said anything to her and at one place the lady nehind the counter brought her a plate of fruit. I am sure in some place breastfeeding is frowned upon (you can notice this attitude if you frequent the Trademe message boards) but I have never had a problem with anyone and I am still nursing my 18 month old.
Steve Chadwick the minister of womens helth also just introduced all those new breastfeeding reccomendations and the right to takre bfing, pumping breaks at work and there is a bill waiting to go through parliament to protects a womens right to breastfeed anywhere.
Anyway, welcome to the boards!!!

[Smokering]

Another NZ mama here.... I'm sorry you've had bad experiences, but in general I've found NZ to be pretty pro-BF. I've only had good comments while nursing DD out and about (she's only 4 months old, though; not sure if that makes a difference). I know plenty of women who BF (although I hang around crunchyish groups, so it probably isn't representative).

I have heard of a few incidents--the woman harassed at Sylvia Park, and some ignorant/obscene comments online--but in general NZ seems to be light-years ahead of most other countries.

[MagpieMaggie]

I know what you mean.

I was in a restaurant yesterday with my parents, son, neice and nephew. DS wanted to breastfeed, so naturally I left him. My neice who is 10 looked at me and said, "I can't believe you are doing that here! The least you could do is cover up with a blanket" I was shocked, as she never voiced a problem before (DS is 11 mo). After I explained to her that DS had to eat, just like she was doing, she shrugged her shoulders and said "I stick with my story"

[1littlebit]

maybe chalk it up to her age groups tendency to be embarrassed about everything