Why did you decide UC over HB w/ Midwife? - Page 2

[sapphire_chan]

Stories that showed that midwives are just as capable of lying throughout a pregnancy as doctors. I would have compromised on having a midwife attended birth if my dh had not been on board, but would have done so making sure that the midwife understood that I was quite ready to kick her out if I felt hindered.

[Unoppressed MAMA Q]

Originally Posted by belchers1

Just a little curious as to the reasons why some would choose unassisted childbirth over a midwife assisted homebirth. I'm trying to weigh everything out.

Feedback would be great!

Thanks, Erica

I didn't choose it 'over' another thing. For me, a family-attended home birth is the default mode of doing things. We can add from there if there's ever a need. There's never been a need, thus, no midwife. It's that simple.

[amberskyfire]

I had my UC in March and had been planning one for the last eight years. I like to be alone and I'm not really that fond of women since I've not gotten along with many, so I always felt that I wanted to be alone without anyone around me. Just the thought of someone else being in my house, talking to me, asking me questions, or even touching me irritated me. I just knew I wanted quiet and peace during labor and not be bothered.

I'm glad I didn't have my midwives there, too. They did my prenatal care and did show up - uninvited - while I was in labor, but my husband met them in the driveway and shooed them away.

Having my husband around while I was in labor was utterly infuriating. Every time he made noise or spoke, I would get so angry and kept telling him to "shut up!" He just wouldn't. Arrrggh!

If I'd have had a midwife wanting to constantly check the baby or ask me any questions or even LOOK at me during my 21 hours of painful back labor with a 5 hour transition, I probably would have put my fist through her teeth.

I'd like my mom to be there for my second birth though, and not my husband. It was really an "I want my mommy" kind of moment and I know she would be more respectful of my wishes than my husband was and she'd stay very quiet and just hold my hand. I wish she didn't live on the other side of the planet

[Cuddlebaby]

Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty

For me, it was an easy choice. I HAD a MW for one of my births, and though she was nice enough and we hit it off well, and all, she was "in my way".

I felt like I was performing rather than giving birth. I felt I had to "entertain" her rather than do my thing. I was constantly worried about her feelings, bothering her, and such rather than being able to focus on me.

And I felt that what she "did" for me was nothing more than what I or my DH could do for ourselves, and therefore it was a waste of money (a big deal to us).

So from that point on, it was UC all the way. And I have never regretted it.

what she said! they don't 'do' anything, the good ones don't do anything but catch the baby. and that doesn't require anything special. (I won't let anyone do many tests)

in our area there is no homebirth mw's. so our only choice is cnm in a hospital, let's just not 'go' there. I've had those births and they were great except for that stupid DRIVE to the germ invested hospital. I figured to just skip that part and I'd have a perfect birth. almost happened.

[Nimm2]

Originally Posted by amberskyfire

I like to be alone and I'm not really that fond of women since I've not gotten along with many, so I always felt that I wanted to be alone without anyone around me. Just the thought of someone else being in my house, talking to me, asking me questions, or even touching me irritated me. I just knew I wanted quiet and peace during labor and not be bothered.

I feel exactly like this.

But even if I wanted a midwife, there are none where I live. With hospital being the only alternative, I very much hope that there won't be any problems and I can stay at home.

[paphia]

My intuition told me the entire time I was pregnant that I needed to have my baby by myself. I met a mw and there was nothing wrong with her but I found the meeting to be incredibly stressful. I had a wonderful labor and birth with just my dh and 20 mo dd present. It was just what I needed to do to birth safely.

[Eco_momma]

To be 100% honest, my MW sucked. : I didn't like her from day one but had little choice in the matter, she was the only one around and my family felt they couldn't do it without her. But we ended up doing it without her and my DH decided that no more putting up with MWs that we don't like.
so now we are in full swing of our second baby and ready to show her the world without having to deal with people! :

[Devaskyla]

I couldn't afford a midwife. And I didn't really want one. Hospital was not an option. H talked me out of a UC with my first because we lived 1 1/2 hours from the nearest hospital ( & over 5 hours from the nearest midwife, even I'd wanted one). I wound up with an unnecessary cesarean. There was no way either of us were willing to go back to the hospital.

I'm really glad I didn't have a midwife, I think it would have driven me nuts. I had a doula-in-training friend over for the last hour or so (she came so h could have a break & get some reassurance). I think about how much pain I was in and how annoyed I am with myself for not doing something "better", but none of it upsets me as much as remembering her 'checking' to see if she could see the head or her telling me to push. I just ignored her and pushed the way I wanted, which resulted in absolutely no tearing despite ds2 coming out lot.

In my ideal world, there's no one but me & the baby. I just need to figure out how to take pictures in labour......

[TopHat]

I read a book that described a peaceful birth in Laos when I was in school. The woman birthed by herself as that was culturally typical for her. I figured, if she can do it, I can do it- we're both humans aren't we?

So I did.

[crittersmom]

After 3 typical hospital births and being turned down by the only homebirth MW on the Kitsap peninsula for my 3rd birth I didn't trust that I would be able to get a MW.I moved to HI at 29 weeks with my 4th and did find two homebirth MW online but I lived in mililtary housing which required ID and my fears of being turned down again for flimsy rules,the very real possibility that the MW wouldn't get there in time (my previous labors were 5 hrs,2 hrs,50 minutes) I just figured UC would actually be safest and best for me.It was the most relaxed birth with none of the hullabaloo that happens at a hospital birth or even what I imagine must occur at a homebirth in order for the MW to follow the rules.

[belchers1]

Thank you everyone for your input! I'm really enjoying reading everyone's responses and I myself am strongly considering an unassisted birth. I'm just curious as to what my midwife will think about that! (Not that it matters much)

Keep the thread going!

[Marlet]

With dd1 (failed uc..transfer for pain killer) it was due to nervousness. I have severe anxiety so the idea of having to get intimate with someone was horrible. Plus I didn't want to feel like a child by checking in and making sure I was doing things right. I was an adult and capable of caring for myself. Just because I was pregnant didn't mean that stopped being the case.

With dd2 a good part was to heal. After we transferred with dd1 things went downhill and left us freaking out basically. I needed to prove to myself I could do it. Another part was because we were part of a documemntary and I didn't want to suck. And again my anxeity/nervousness came into play. After her birth I was so emotionally raw that I considered a midwife if we have another. Then I got to thinking about it and the whole idea just doesn't work for me. I wouldn't allow her to do anything, why bother then?

I understand people get a lot emotionally/support wise from midwives but that's just not me. The idea of paying someone to tell me if I'm too big or too small, too early or too late, eating perfectly or eating horribly and then come into my home and essentially boss people around while fondling my girl bits seems horribly violating to me. I know not all midwives are like this (there is one here on MDC I would love come to a birth of mine! but she's a rarity) but I feel comfy assuming most are. Just because they are midwives doesn't mean they don't have rules/guidelines they don't ahve to follow. I'm glad those work for other people but that's not cool in my book. If I hire a midwife she's technically working for me. I should say what her rules/guidelines are and sadly that just isn't the case most of the time. You can see it in the way women talk as they get closer to term. I'm all about responsibily taking responsibility for myself. I'm not about passing the buck.

(I'm not saying having a midwife is passing the buck but having someone else there gives a lot of people a false sense of security in that regard. If a dr./midwife is there there is someone to step in and take charge and control of a situation and people who go that route know that. As a ucer I am the one who has to step up and take control of a situation. I understand for most people that's a scary thing. So for me, having that safety net is passing the buck.)

[ComaWhite]

I figure, in the event of a real emergency, all the midwife can really do anyways is call 911 for you, and we are perfectly capable of doing that ourselves without paying someone several thousand $ for that privilege.

Also, here midwives are legislated, meaning that when it comes down to it, their decisions and actions are based on LIABILITY, NOT whats best for mama and baby... Just like the hospital.

If theres any big clues that we need to take from nature, its that mamas need to birth alone and at peace, not being "helped", monitored, observed or fussed over.

[AnalogWife]

Wow. I had a very mainstream pregnancy with the clinic and high-risk OB and everything (blood pressure) and I never even considered a midwife much less an UC. I ended up with an unplanned caesarean and will probably never have another child.....but....

I SO IDENTIFY with the whole being watched/fussed over/"helped" thing, which is one reason I skipped the MW experience b/c I get very uncomfortable with too much personal attention---I prefer to fly under the radar. This made my lol hysterically:

Having my husband around while I was in labor was utterly infuriating. Every time he made noise or spoke, I would get so angry and kept telling him to "shut up!" He just wouldn't. Arrrggh!

because I can identify with that too. I most likely won't the chance to attempt this type of birth, but wanted to let you all know how eye-opening this thread was, and I feel a bit of a warm fuzzy whimsy feeling now knowing that maybe I could have performed this type of birth.

Cuddlebaby...I read your blog entry and I'm so sorry.

[Mamaperk]

I went into that a bit in my first UC birth story ... I have only had UC homebirths ... meaning my births were three hospital and two uc homebirths ... I had a CNM with my last hospital birth and found it to be a huge learning experience, very empowering ... but eventually when I got pregnant with #4 I needed something different. I didn't want another hospital birth and never saw myself having a midwife attended homebirth either ... just couldn't wrap my brain around that idea for some reason. Once I had my UP/UC I couldn't imagine any other way.

http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com/...ies/dylan.html

[Beeblebrox]

I'm so bummed that so many of you had bad experiences with midwives. I've thought about UC, but not 100% sure about it. I did really enjoy my midwife's presence, but she was also very hands off and supports UC so maybe that vibe always rubbed off on me.

[lovevolving]

I go into our reasons for "canceling" our midwife at 5 months pretty thoroughly in my birth story, which I'll just have to link to because it's long! Ummm, click on the link in my signature and then scroll all the way down to "Matrilineal Love" or just click on the "Birth" link under my categories.

[daileyjoy]

My second daughter was suspose to be a homebirth with a friend who was a midwife attending for me. She moved rather quickly leaving me with with no other options. Dh adn I talked and decided we could do it. I went to a OB for one U/S to make sure and saw I had previa. It ended up not moving and I had to have a C-section. I mourned her birth and dreamed of doing it "my way" for years. It was about 6 years later that I actually leanred that there was a term for what I wanted and other people who felt like I did. I am now TTC and again planning my second UC.

[majazama]

I too had a meddling MW with my first birth. She wouldn't let me birth or labour how I wanted to, I had to be on the couch so she could control babies entrance. (said baby would come too fast if I was standing But I actually had thought of having a UC during that pregnancy. My partner didn't want to do it alone the first time, so we went with the MW. (they are free here in BC)

So when I got pregnant again, I just followed my heart. I went to a doctor once or twice to hear the heartbeat and get weighed. That part of pregnancy is fun for me, getting the attention.

But even if I wanted care in that pregnancy it was easy to see that UC was the way for me to go. The doctor who delivers babies in that town is a really cool guy. BUT, he was my first boyfriends dad, so I didn't want him seeing my spread eagle. And I wanted to see a MW during the pregnancy instead of a doctor, but all the MWs in the area were totally booked up already. So UC it was, and it was wonderful and I completely trust my body in the event of another pregnancy to birth my baby safely and easily.

[KariM]

I wanted to be able to listen to my baby, my body, and my G_d without having any machines or other people interfere. UC allowed me to do that. A HB midwife didn't.