I am so amazed by all the love and support I've found here. I really want to respond to everyone individually, but my nursling only gives me so much free time.
Thank you to everyone. Your kind words and support have made this very difficult time not just a little better- a LOT better.
To the moms who are in the same boat: I cannot express how bittersweet it is to know that I'm not the only one, thank you for showing me the light at the end of the tunnel. The loooong, long dark tunnel. And I'm sorry for your pain, too. Extra hugs
Really, I feel like I'm repeating myself, but thank you from the bottom of my heart, everyone. I know everyone really cares and I feel so grateful for this community of wonderful mamas. (and sometimes papas).
Ok, enough with the thanks
Today, Abe turned 3. 3 years ago today he was perfect- and today he is perfect, too. Yes, he is missing some of his foreskin, but he has his life and his health and I know we are lucky.
Some exciting news that's making me really
is only happening because I know how lucky we are. He was fortunate enough to not have a very close circ, and for the last several months I've been talking to him about 'hiding' his penis, by pulling the foreskin over the head. He plays with it constantly, anyway
so I figured, why not maybe get a little restoration in there- since I would encourage it at a later time, anyway. Well. A few days ago, he got a mosquito bite right on the head of his penis (he's naked a LOT) and it was bothering him so I used it as an opportunity to sell my 'agenda'.
I told him that if he remembered to keep 'hiding' his penis it would be really hard for the moquitos to bite him there. And I said that usually, a penis has skin to cover it, and that if he wanted to have skin cover his too, he could practice 'hiding' and that it might grow new skin. He was excited about this and I asked him tonight if he wanted to try to put some tape on there while he sleeps at night to help his new mosquito protector skin grow(
) and he gave a very enthusiastic 'Yeah!' I figured he wouldn't like it, but we tried it and said that he liked it and that it felt good. And I asked him if he needed to pee, and if he did just to take the tape off (it's the nice, not very sticky medical tape) it didn't hurt him at all, he peed, and wanted to put it back on!!!
And I said that we could do that every night if he wanted, and he said, 'Yeah, and during the day too!' Ha. Btw, I'm amazed at how stretchy and pliable his skin is.
Anyway. I'm literally beaming as he sleeps up in bed- I just keep picturing his little hiding penis, new skin cells forming. (It sounds silly to think so much about it as I read this.
So yeah. I feel a lot of hope right now. I of course would take any advice/warnings about the taping- how much air circulation needed? how long/how often? just don't worry about it as long as he doesn't complain and everything looks okay? TIA
The other thing I wanted some help with was the activism. I am ALL about the fact that I know better than anyone because of our experience, and I'm highly
motivated to write letters, hand out business cards, talk to pregnant strangers, etc. BUT, I'm very worried about Abe's psyche. If I'm talking about it, or if I get a bumper sticker and he asks, etc, I'm just worried with all the 'babies are born perfect' slogans (which I 10000% agree with) that he might develop some self-esteem problems or the like. Should I just be careful not to talk about it in front of him until he's older? Or maybe if our restoration plan goes well, I won't have to worry about it as much. I'm just worried that he'll develop really hurt feelings be not being 'whole' 'perfect' and other terms that are commonly used in the activsim lingo. (Which I have no problem with them being used- just worried about them hurting my son's feelings if I use them in my activism).
Sorry for typing your eyes off - you wanted an update. :]
Thankyouthankyouthankyou again for all your support, I wish we could all be in the same room together so we could have a big group hug. Thanks for all you do for babies and their mamas. And by all means, you TELL PEOPLE too. I always see the 'what should I do' threads on here. Here's what to do: TELL THEM. DO NOT ASSUME THEY KNOW ANYTHING. Even if they say they've researched it (remember, I did). If they think you're a jerk or you're crazy oh well, at least you said something, and if they can hear the info and not change their mind, then they're not worth it anyhow- grieve for the baby, and move on. And if you tell them the truth and they're horrified and say they had no idea, then that's why you should tell them. Everytime you're wondering if you should say anything, think about my story, and others' like mine. WE WANT YOU TO TELL US.
And with our restoration project, I really feel pure and utter
: The entire last year has been pretty dark, this was always on the back (and oft times front) of my mind. These last few days, and esp tonight, have been a really healing time for me, and I'm excited for the first time in a year about my son's future- yeah it was that bad. Not anymore though.