Daughter follows me everywhere

[audeesmom]

Hi, my 4 year old daughter refuses to leave my side during most social situations. It took me 6 of 8 months of preschool last year just to leave her at school and even then it was with some tears and negotiation. I am not one to let her cry it out and so most of the school year I stayed in class with her holding on to me or a part of my clothes. When we are invited out to any function, park play dates, friend's house play dates or the mere mention of a fun 2 hour day class, she refused to be left and puts on a huge loud tearful prodduction that breaks my heart and disrupts the class. I would say that all the kids I know do not have this issue and I am not sure how to handle this. I have spoken with a parent educator who seems to think that she is acting normal. Sometimes at home she even follows me around the house, to the bathroom, kitchen etc. It is driving me crazy but more importantly I want her to feel good about where she is. Any advice greatly appreciated. I may have left stuff out. Don't get me wrong...I don't want her to be independant before she is ready, but I do think she is capable of being without me for a couple of hours of school. I had read something about mistaken goals.
Thanks for reading

[4evermom]

It wasn't until my ds was 4 and 4 months before he'd even play briefly with other kids in a room without me. We dropped out of preschool because the school was not willing to let me stay while ds got acclimated. But now he is fine being places w/o me. Some kids just need a little more time. Also, he was always particular about his people. He was willing to be with some people sooner than others. He needed to trust that that person would respect him and help him come to me if he needed. He liked to check in on me and touch base frequently. That time gradually lengthened. He used to call me when I went out, to see when I was coming back, and that has stopped unless I'm gone for a really long time. He does tend to follow me around the house, still, if no one else is home, though.

[beckington]

I feel for you because we've been there - and still are to an extent, but it's MUCH better now. He still follows me around the house constantly, but outside the house now he will go off on his own often. I still can't quite believe it! Please let it continue! I love to see him so happy. Anyhow, I don't have any words of wisdom - we just gave it a lot of time, didn't push but at times did set up situations that were baby steps but steps we thought he could handle. Hang in there!

[Nolamom]

We've been through this, too. Our DD, turned 5 last week, was alot like this. She always wanted to be near me, and in the same room in the house. Although we didn't push too hard, we had the most success with being one of the first to arrive places (I think it ends up being less intimidating for her) and prepping her beforehand. We went to her school many times the summer before classes started.
However, over the last 6 months a slow transformation has occured. She now will play in her room alone for short periods and go to the bathroom alone. She also has started talking to strangers, like the cashier at the store, has been actively seeking out friendships at the school and local playground, and that sort of thing. I'm not sure what all has contributed to the change in her personality, but it might just be an age and developmental thing.
Give it time!

[audeesmom]

Thankyou for you support. I will go slow and try the baby steps.

[One_Girl]

A lot of kids have a few tears and then transition very well, it is really hard on a parent who just can't stand to have her kid have any tears. You and her may transition better to a school situation if you talk to her teacher before hand to make sure she is open to holding and hugging kids if they need to have a hug when their parents leave. It is not crying it out if she is being comforted and attended to, it is being comforted by someone else and that burns a bit but parents who have no other choice somehow manage to have children who adjust very well and most of the single parents I know who have to work have gotten over that hurt.

As for following you around, that sounds really normal. Will she go off and play once she is comfortable? If not, have you tried to play with the kids and then slowly move back as she becomes more comfortable? Does she do this in places where she knows the people? Are there any places she does feel comfortable exploring? Do you go out a lot or just sporadically? Is your reaction feeding the problem in any way? If she goes out a lot or too little she may just be overwhelmed or she may need more time to adjust. If she is bored she may be clingy because she wants you to entertain her. Stress is also something that can make kids more clingy, and they seem to be really good at detecting stress.