Halfway through a haircut - wwyd? - update post 14

[beckington]

My 4yo hates getting his hair cut. It's been a long running issue - cut, brushed, washed, etc. We don't brush it (it doesn't really need it!), we wash it infrequently, we cut it infrequently. We try to minimize it as much as possible! Yesterday I suggested a haircut and he wasn't thrilled but went along with it. At least he did until about halfway through! Then he started freaking out that it was hurting, that he was scared, etc. I tried reassuring him, suggesting ways we could do it that would be better, bribing (not something we usually do!), etc. No dice. I really doubted that leaving it to finish another day would help - the more he thinks about things, the scarier they get for him. It got pretty bad and I think I win a crappy parent of the year award. Then he fell asleep on the floor and I put him to bed. Sigh.

So now he has half his hair cut! It does not look good. It doesn't bother him at the moment though and he often wears a hat when we are out and about so it might not be too noticeable! He absolutely refuses to let me cut his hair. I do worry that he might get teased or at the very least people will make comments about it and he's really sensitive to things like that - but not necessarily in a way that would convince him to finish the haircut. Also, and this is totally vain, we are going on local TV on Wed (to do with my business) and I really want his hair to look OK! We might be filming outside though so I might get away with a sunhat. WWYD?

[betterparent]

if he is fine with it...let it be!

[4evermom]

Can you touch it up while he's sleeping? My ds hates haircuts, too. He had long hair from age 4 to last month at almost 7. When he was younger, I'd give him the vacuum and have him vacuum the bits that fell on the floor while I stood over him and snipped. That kept him a little distracted. I've had haircuts take three sessions before. I've cut while he has played video games or watched tv, too.

[Lingmom]

I second the cutting while sleeping option. Cutting hair while watching TV or eating a popsicle or having some other distracting treat can also work, but I imagine you've already tried those... What about a kids salon? They're probably pretty used to these issues. In the end though, I'd finish the haircut... even if it upset my child. Once started, a haircut is something that needs to be completed.

[kerc]

I agree with the idea of a haircut salon. My oldest child would pit a giant fit. It is worth my 10 bucks for her to sit in front of the mirror there.

[hipchick]

The sleeping idea sounds like a good compromise, esp. if he was a heavy sleeper. I never heard of that before. I heard of the tooth fairy, but never the hair fairy. Maybe, you should leave a quarter under his pillow when you are done...lol.

[Kirsten]

He is three?

If you think it would be helpful, how about giving him a choice? "We are going to have to finish your haircut. Would you like me to do it in the kitchen or in the yard? Or you could go to KidsKuts. What sounds best to you?"

Has he seen a brother, father, friend get a haircut? Maybe that would help?

[Ellen Griswold]

We fought the hair cut fight for what seemed like forever. My ds has very coarse bristly hair and it really looked sloppy not to mention weird if it wasn't short. For a long time, I cut it while he was asleep with scissors. When he got bigger, we (dh and I) used the buzzer. We tried having him see that I cut his dad's hair and it was okay. I tried minor bribery. I tried major bribery. Threats, praise, making a game of it. Nothing. I even posted here.
Then, he turned 5. And it was better. Not perfect, but better. The major fix was time, however another help was "magic tape." Come to find out that he was afraid that I would cut his ears off. Didn't matter that I showed him the buzzer wouldn't cut skin. Then some vetran mom of the haircut wars told me to try to put pieces of masking tape ("magic tape") over his ears to protect them. Success! Good luck!

[Mom2Boy&Girl]

Originally Posted by Lingmom

I'd finish the haircut... even if it upset my child. Once started, a haircut is something that needs to be completed.

Ditto that. I'd try doing it in his sleep, maybe taking him to a kids' salon (if you haven't already done that), or maybe asking your partner to do it (I know my DS behaves a lot differently when he's alone with daddy than with mommy). Lollipops are usually the golden ticket with my kids -- they know that when they get their haircut, they get a "pop" afterwards. Maybe a little bribery would be in order here too?? I also second the choice thing that was mentioned by the PP ... do you want your hair cut at home, or do you want your haircut at Kids Kuts? do you want daddy to take you, or do you want mommy to take you?

If all else fails, I'd just suck it up and hold him down for the 2 minutes it take someone to finish the cut. :

[beckington]

Thanks for all the suggestions! We've tried sitting him in front of the TV, hairdressers, giving choices (he's 4 and a bit), letting him see his daddy get his haircut the same way by me, etc - worked for a bit, but no more. We cut his hair with clippers (it used to be quite long but because he'd refuse to wash or brush it we cut it all off - with his consent) so I can't really do it when he's asleep - but I am going to store that idea away for later because I think once this haircut is finished (somehow!) I'm not touching his hair for a LONG time so scissors during sleep will be more possible when his hair is long enough! I don't *think* I can cut his hair with scissors now.

I love the magic tape idea! During his last (successful) haircut he was pretty worried about his ears so that might be worth a try. Also I think I'll try suggesting he could have his Smarties while I cut his hair, instead of waiting until it's finished. (Smarties is what I tried to bribe with last night - he loves them and doesn't get them often so I was pretty shocked they didn't work!)

It does seem to me that this is something that should be finished, but it is his hair and I can't make him get it cut. I also worry though that by not finishing it I'm making it seem like there was something to be scared of. He's anxious enough as it is!

Thanks everyone!

[4evermom]

Giving him the smarties while the hair cutting is happening is a good idea since it'll help keep his mind off the haircut.

I've done pretty short hair without clippers. I just comb my fingers through the hair, snip what sticks out, comb through again, snip again, etc. I vary how far from the head my fingers are (farther on the top and closer on the bottom). It is easier with clippers but the sound used to freak out ds. He used to be afraid something horrible was happening to dh when I cut dh's hair, too. Anyway, good luck!

[LynnS6]

I would definitely try it without the clippers. Our ds HATES the clippers. It wasn't until he was 6 that I could use them. When we went to the barbers, they'd hate me because I'd tell them "no clippers" because the sound drove him absolutely bananas. (Ds has sensory processing disorder, and is very, very sound and touch sensitive - so we didn't even try the clippers until he'd been in occupational therapy for a year.) Even today (age 7), ds tells me "I hate those" when I do the clippers. He's OK with the scissors.

You could try a snip a day plan between now and wednesday to see if you can at least even out the front.

By the way, I always work from front to back, so that it's more or less even on both sides before I move on.

[kundemama]

DS doesn't like his hair cut either. Usually, he plays outside in the dirt while I cut his hair. When he gets up, I just follow him around and take a snip when I get the chance. We are lucky that his hair is somewhat curly so it doesn't have to be a great cut

[beckington]

Success!!!

Haircut success!!! Woo hoo!!! I tried listing out every food I know he loves and got him interested at lollipop - he then decided it would be OK if I cut his hair with scissors, so I tried that - disaster! I suck at cutting hair! So I backtracked and said either I could cut his hair with clippers or the hairdresser could cut his hair with scissors, since they know how to do it - either way, lollipop was his. Oh it was not easy but finally he decided he wanted the hairdresser to do it. So we went to the hairdresser about a minute walk from our house (the same one we used to go to with no problems, until the day he freaked out and refused to let her near him and that's when clippers at home started!) and she cut his hair with no problem! He was really tense - she kept commenting on how stiff he was - but he made it through and giggled quite a lot and now is enjoying his lollipop!

I did make a mess of it with the scissors though - she couldn't fix it entirely because I cut it too short but it looks fine. I'm glad I stopped when I did though!

I'm soooooooooo relieved! I did not want this dragging on any longer - it was stressing us both out too much. All this over hair, sheessh!

[laohaire]

Do you think hair cuts could really hurt, for kids at least? I hear so many kids say it does, and it seems like a lot of kids find it stressful at least. I know my DD hates it, and I just don't know why. I mean, she hates it beyond just "I don't want to sit still for 10 minutes" or "I hate the cape they put on me." I wish I undestood it better. I'm like the PP, I hardly ever brush her hair (fortunately she has very fine hair, but it does eventually snarl), I wash it every 2 to 3 weeks, and only take her in for a cut when her bangs get in her eyes (and when she gets a cut, I insist on "baby bangs" so it takes months and months to grow out). I can't cut it myself because I'm blind and I'd stab her with the scissors! lol

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Do you have access to / have you tried a kid's specialty salon? Until DS was 8 and wanted to go to the sports clips place with DH this was wonderful. They had movies and video games and real skill at working with wiggly kids. Plus goodies like chocolate shampoo. Requests like no clippers seem to be par for the course for them. For us it was the only way to go. DD loves it because they do a fancy braid and ribbons in her hair with every haircut.