Who stayed with your older child?

[Greaseball]

We want to have dd present for the birth of #2. She will be 2.5 at the time, and the mw recommended we have someone there to be just for her, in case she wants to leave, so she won't be ignored. I don't seem to have a lot of choices - most of the people we know are students, and #2 will be due around finals week, so I wouldn't feel right about asking someone to come over on such short notice for something that could be anywhere from 2 hours to 2 days.

Dh's family is a half hour drive away but they are not supportive of homebirth or children at births. My mother is supportive but she is a 5-hour drive away, and she's insane...but that's another thread.

I had thought of hiring a doula but then thought she would be insulted to know I wanted her mainly for babysitting.

So, even if no one has ideas for me, who stayed with your child and how did it work out?

[FreeRangeMama]

We had a UC 6 weeks ago and didn't have anyone for ds (he is 2.5). It worked out great, dh brought ds in and they watched while I caught ds2. Ds1 cried when ds2 came out and started crying, it freaked him out because it all happened so fast but he calmed down in minutes. He still talks about how "baby brother came out mama's body in tub"

Laurie

[sea island mama]

My sister was here with dd & it worked out great! They stayed in dd's room for the pushing phase & came out just before ds was born. She was able to reassure dd that the noises I was making were just because I was working hard & nothing to worry about. Dd kept saying, "mommy's making those noises again!", then carrying on with whatever she was doing .
Rather than hiring a doula, couldn't you hire a babysitter? At least, if you have to get someone your dd won't know, it would be nice to have someone that's good with kids. Of course, having someone that's not freaked out by the whole home birth thing would help too : ! Hmmm, now that I think about it, maybe a doula would be better...they are there to help you in any way necessary & presumably she would have kids of her own. She would probably have a better idea of what was going on & be able to reassure your dd as my sister did mine.
Good luck!

[georgia]

For our last birth, I had my two best friends come over during my labor. They both have small children, but somehow they worked everything out. They understood they were there to be there for my son, no matter what he needed. It worked out great. He didn't need much. He was enthralled with the pushing, birthing, etc. I wanted to be all alone during labor/transition, so dh could have been with him. I'm a don't-want-anyone-around birther! (Looking back, I doubt I would have such a production next time. My dh will suffice next time.) After the birth, I didn't want to get out of the pool, and my ds started getting a wee bit upset. He wanted me out and with him (he was almost three at the time). My friends took him on his nightly toad hunt, and he forgot all about me for the time being. I don't know how your oldest is, but my son would want nothing to do with someone he wasn't familiar with. It might add stress to an already transitional time for her. I guess look to her temperament.

One thing that comes to my mind is to consider asking your mw if she has anyone who ever helps her out, such as an aspiring apprentice, who might want to attend for some experience, but mainly be there in case of high needs on dd's part??? My mw has lots of mw-to-bes that might want to jump in. That way, you wouldn't necessarily have to pay lots of $ for a doula, and everybody wins. You'd get some peace of mind, aspriring apprentice would get to be at a birth, mw doesn't have to worry about childcare issues. I wonder if that might be an option? I, personally, would love to do that for y'all!!! We watched lots of birth videos to prepare my ds and talked a bunch about what would happen (talked about blood, sounds, etc). He still clamors to watch babies being born, and almost every night, he pretends he's giving birth---even a year later!

All the best---and good luck with finals!

Amy

[Greaseball]

She does have an assistant. I guess I don't know how much help I will really need. I'm hoping it can be a hands-off experience. Maybe dd will even sleep for a lot of it.

But, of course, if I do need a lot of help I will probably need both mw's there. Maybe dh can just hang out with dd during labor and just make sure not to miss the actual birth.

I should ask my mother where I was when my brother was being born at home. I was 26 mos at the time.

[teachinmaof3]

We didn't have anyone for our two dd's (4 1/2 and 2 1/2 at the time). It was great! I didn't anyone else in my home besides us and the mw anyway.

[melamama]

my mom watched our dd when ds was born. dd actually would have been asleep but dh woke her up when I started pushing--then everything happened so fast only the mw and dh were in the room at the time (I even caught ds because the mw didn't have her gloves on-it was so fast)
I wouldn't get the doula just for babysitting, but if your dh wanted to be with your dd at least you would have someone to help you out.
do you have any girlfriends with kids dd's age? that was one of my backup plans--just to have some potential playdates lined up. because dd is comfortable with her friends and their moms--more so than a new babysitter

[cottonwood]

Unless there is an emergency, I can't imagine why you would need both midwives attending you (is that what you meant?) but it's likely that the assistant would not appreciate being put in the role of babysitter. Your midwife may have some suggestions, maybe she knows someone who would agree to watch your dd -- often midwives have lots of apprentices who will do anything to be allowed to attend a birth.

Also, you can't know whether a doula would be insulted about babysitting unless you ask. Although dd might not want to have anything to do with this strange person (especially if the birth is long) and dh might have to take care of her anyway.

For my second, we had my husband's parents take our 21-month-old son to his great-grandma's house for six hours. For my third we had a 4 1/2 year old and a 31-month old, and didn't ask anyone to take care of them, but the labor was really not difficult until the last hour, and they were asleep by then, although if they hadn't been I don't think it would have been a problem because I didn't feel like I needed my husband for anything. We had backup (grandparents again) just in case though.

[momto l&a]

For our second hb after alot of thought finally settled on a friend of mine who is the oldest of 11 children, has to been to a number of hb's and was someone I didnt mind being at the birth. I am a very private person when it comes to births and wanted somebody I was very comfortable with. Turns out we didnt need her anyway as I, as most women do, went into labor at night. Coming morning we had a new baby and our oldest awoke just after the birth, perfect timing IMO.

My mw requires somebody be there for the older child/ren. She always has an assistant. One to care for the Mommy and one for the baby. She prefers that the dh be there for the Mommies support only.

[MomtoEmily&Lauren]

I was conserned about my daughter being there for the birth but she was AMAZED at it. There was one point when I screamed out loud and she screamed along with me becasue she was scared but my midwife said Mommy is just pushing the baby out and she just watched again in AMAZMENT and now she tells me that she really loved watching her sister come into the world. She was almost 3 when Lauren was born!

[Czen:)]

We hired a doula for our DD at our last birth. We all thought of it as hiring a labour support person specifically for her, not in any way as a babysitter! In my opinion, supporting anyone through birth is way to big of a responsibility to fit into the classification of babysitter. It was a wonderful experience for all of us and I wouldn't hesitate to do it again. And a couple of hours after the birth when DD fell asleep in a chair next to me, the doula helped me out with some bathroom issues, etc. It went wonderfully!

[tinyshoes]

WELL!

After reading this thread I am certain I shall hire a doula to "babysit" my kids whenever my next baby comes into existance!

A doula is a professinal labor support person--she can be called at 3 a.m., knows what to do, and knows what MOM is doing, and can help kids participate/stay away/feel calm, etc.

Hiring a doula to "babysit" is a GREAT idea!