Bugs! A life altertering phobia

[Elle Jay]

Hi everyone. I could really use some help with my 5 year old dd. She has a major phobia with bugs that is basically keeping her housebound. She's always been afraid of spiders and bees. Late last fall we had one last trip to the playground and there was a bee that was being aggressive enough to cause us to leave early. I just explained to her that the bee thought we were in his space and it was his way of telling us it was time to go. She seemed fine with that.

Well this spring, basically everything has escalated. She's only been to the playground once, which was for 5 minutes and she insisted on leaving because of bugs. I have tried to get her to go back, but she refuses to go. I can't even get her to sit on our patio. If she sees a bug, any bug ranging from the smallest ant to bees, she has major meltdowns and runs screaming and crying into the house. They don't even have to be anywhere near her, she just has to see them.

When we go anywhere, she runs as fast as she can to the car, and when we're in public outside, she has my arm in a death grip and pushes herself as close as she can to me. If she sees a fly, ant or spider in the house, there's major screaming and running, most of the time I can't even get her close enough to point in the general direction of where she saw the bug, let alone tell me that's what the problem is.

Last month I had a mosquito bite on my leg, and the way she kept checking me, it was like she expected my leg to fall off. I have looked up every possible bug in our area and tried to educate her on them. I worry about what will happen when she goes to school, but mostly I worry that this is affecting her so much, she's going to miss out on alot of fun activities. I am out of ideas. I try to talk with her and reassure her, but nothing is working. Please, I really need some ideas for her.

[LynnS6]

I think it might be time to call in some professional help. You've tried education, you've tried gradual exposure and it's not working.

We were nearly there with bees for our son. Any time he saw a bee, and then any flying insect that might be a bee, he freaked out, had to go inside and wouldn't play outside for a while.

I wish I could tell you what we did that helped, but honestly I don't think anything WE did helped. He learned to ride his bike. He made friends with a couple of kids in the neighborhood who like to play outside. And he forgot. But if he hadn't, I was about 2 freak-outs away from calling a child psychologist. (Ds tends toward anxiety anyway, so it may yet happen.)

[lindberg99]

I agree, I think you should look into some counseling. This has gone beyond a "Yuck, I don't like bugs." thing to something that is affecting her life.

Do you have a pediatrician? You could try asking him or her to recommend someone to you. I really think you need to do this before school starts because the counselor can give your DD (and you) strategies for dealing with it at school. My neighbor's DD was terrified of thunderstorms and had to call her mom to come get her from school every time there was a storm. That didn't happen too often but I think seeing bugs is going to be an every day occurrence, at least in the warm weather. So I would definitely call someone now.

[lovemyfamily6]

My twins were terrified of bugs, flies specifically. As in complete melt down freak out scared out of their mind TERRIFIED. We actually did talk to someone because my older son was in physical therapy and I got a therapist's opinion while we were waiting for him. She said it could be something or it could be something they'll grow out of. We talked to the pediatrician and she said her own daughter was terrified of flies and bees and outgrew it when she was 8. She still doesn't like them, but can co-exist with them. My twin boys were so scared that if a fly happened to get in the car while we were driving, we would have to pull over because they would get hysterical. It was really sad. Fast forward to this year and for the first time, they're okay. Actually we have "pet flies" now. It has taken almost three years. So I don't know whether professional help is warranted or if she'll outgrow it, just throwing out our experience. It's really hard when something like that affects life so much!

[wanderinggypsy]

Well, she is old enough to try pediatric hypnosis. If nothing else works, you may want to look for a practitioner in your area. (If you did go down that path, you should be allowed to be with you child the entire session).

Good luck.

[4evermom]

How do you think she'd do if there were bugs someplace safe but where she could see them, like ants or fireflies (if you have them) in a jar? Maybe that would be a way to get used to bugs in a controlled way.

[cuttiebearmom]

I have to disagree with seeking professional help for a 5 yr old who has a fear of bugs. I know, I know, but all kids seriously go through phases like this. You can't STOP going outside because of bugs, so don't try to. If she gets upset, help her the ways you know best. My DD1 was totally freeked out by frozen ground and grass (not snow) when she was 3. Would avoid walking on it at ALL costs in the winter. Well, I can't stay inside all day and have to do some work outside. She could stay on the pavement if she wanted to or the sidewalk and play but I would go about my business. Eventually she came to realize that I was fine and slowly got used to the idea. We really didn't make a big deal out of it and she got over it.

Try fun outdoor things with friends, the beach, the park, the zoo, hiking, etc. Teach her about the importance of bugs in the circle of life and pollinators that result in the food that we eat (ie - without bugs we don't get fruits and veggies!). Get DH involved if possible so that one of you can have 'fun' outside where she can see while the other one is with her if she gets upset.

Just trying to give you some ideas. I really bet it's just a phase. I wouldn't go to the extent of paying for psychiatric help or hypnosis for a 5 y/o with a fear of bugs.

[mommy68]

I'd work on getting her out more and getting her used to them. Don't give in and let her stay inside just because she has a fear of bugs. What if she had a fear of dogs? My middle son had a fear of dogs for a few years and he got around them more around family and friends and finally got used to them as he has gotten older. A lot of it is their age and they will grow out of it most of the time.

My oldest son (13) used to hate bugs, any kind of bugs and by the time he was about 7 or 8 he was playing with them. Now he loves any kind of critters, bugs, snakes and lives to search for them. lol! He totally changed. We were so worried when he was younger because we were afraid he would embarass us forever by being scared of bugs.

My youngest DD is now scared of bugs. She will run if she sees a bee or even a fly sometimes. But I've been working on it with her. She loves babies and anything cute so I talk sweet about the bugs when we see them...or if we see a bee or a fly I tell her that they are likely flying home to their mommy or trying to find a friend. It usually works very well. She even has a teeny tiny spider friend that has a web out on the back deck and she will go say hi to it every day and shows off the fact that she isn't scared of it.

Maybe you could try taking your child to a science museum or a museum that might have spiders and other creatures in glass windows and cages. That way she can see them and learn about them in a different type of atmosphere. There are also lots of cute books that have spiders and bugs in them as the character in the books.

My boys know a lot about bugs, spiders and other critters so they also teach my DD about it all. They can tell her what is safe to touch and what isn't. She isn't ready to touch anything at this point, except caterpillars, but she is getting better about her fear.

[momma27]

Definitely work on exposing her to bugs in a contained situation. I wouldn't point out a bug to her on the floor in the kitchen because then she may never want to go into the kitchen. Use a bug in a jar like 4evermom suggested...she might see that they can't hurt her through the jar and become more comfortable with them in her environment. Definitely don't stop going outside because she's afraid of bugs, she'll be okay.

[Elle Jay]

Thank you all for your advice. I'm going to catch some lightning bugs and put them in a jar tonight so she can see them close up. I think I will see if she'd be up for a little picnic and try to get her interested in her sidewalk chalk again. I'm not expecting change overnight, I will just have to be patient. Thanks again.

[libba]

OMG we went through this with dd and she has gotten over it! Pediatrician said it was just a phase. She's still not a big bug fan ( neither am I) but at least she's not hyperventilating each time she sees an ant! We did the contained bug thing with ant farms and butterfly gardens and our zoo has a great butterfly exhibit that we would take her to on a regular basis.

[MommaFox]

I wish you luck on this one! My nephew feaks out ofer any sort of insect, and while we were on vacation, my son picked up this bothersome habit of screaming about bugs from him. We've gotten past it, but it can be very trying going through it. Meanie that I am, I'd take him to the insectarium at our zoo and make him look at the bugs.