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Anyone else have no desire to date? - Page 2

post #21 of 45
I didn't want to date for years. Yes, years. Now that ds is 5 1/2, I'm starting to feel ready to start dating. Actually, I don't really want to date, I just want to meet Mr Right on the first try.
post #22 of 45
nak
The thought of dating exhausts me. But I also miss it, the newness of someone, the excitement, feeling each other out, all that good stuff. In retrospect I realize I have never been in a healthy relationship, so the thought of an actual relationship beyond the "just dating" phase sounds like nightmare.
I do hope to one day be in a healthy, happy, loving partnership with someone. But I need to heal before that is at all possible.
post #23 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali View Post
Actually, I don't really want to date, I just want to meet Mr Right on the first try.
Me too!
post #24 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali View Post
I didn't want to date for years. Yes, years. Now that ds is 5 1/2, I'm starting to feel ready to start dating. Actually, I don't really want to date, I just want to meet Mr Right on the first try.
You guys make me feel so much more normal. When I tell people I didn't date for 7 years they look at me like I'm a freak.
post #25 of 45
well i dont think i was averse to dating. its just i was having so much fun otherwise that i did not seek out dating and neither do so even after 4 1/2 years.

but if that man does enter my life then yeah - i am gonna jump him.

otherwise i much prefer friends to dating.

plus ofcourse the obvious - finding the time without feeling guilty i am taking the time away from daugh
post #26 of 45
You are not abnormal! I didn't want to date either until ds hit about 3 years old - so only about 7 months ago. I was single since before ds was born so it was about 3.5 years. I really never knew how it would work and I really never thought it would. I went on two dates with two different guys - nothing - then I met dp: It was unexpected and I really never thought I would have a relationship like this with anyone again. I just didn't have the energy that I thought it would take and I just never thought I would find someone that I felt was good enough for ds. Now that we have been together I guess about 6 months I can't imagine our lives without him.
post #27 of 45
I am this boat also. I have not dated for several years and have no desire to do so. Partly because I need and want to concentrate on dd and partly because I like my life the way it is. I can do what I want, when I want, with whomever I want and I do not have to consult anyone. DD is getting older and is hanging out with friends more and more and I am hanging out with friends more than I have done in the past. The thought of having a partner feels like it might cramp my style.... the older I get, the more set in my ways I have become.
post #28 of 45
Add me to this list too. I've been divorced for just under 6 years and have no desire to date at all. I have no interest in ever remarrying (I have a son, so why do I need a second guy leaving the seat up, eating everything not nailed down in the kitchen, and weeing on the floor?). I don't believe in "soulmates" or "Mr. Right" or anything like that. I know that I am difficult to near impossible to live with and wouldn't wish myself as a roommate on anyone.

And I'm getting tired of just murmuring "uh hum" when people go on about how I'll meet "the perfect man when I least expect it." Yuck.
post #29 of 45
I have NEVER been into "the dating scene"- DH1 and I were friends and then suddenly we were engaged. I met DH2 when I was in an unstable place in my life and not really ready for another relationship, and suddenly we were involved and I wasn't healthy enough to see how dysfuntional it all was.

Religiously, I'm uncomfortable with the idea of "dating for fun"- to me dating has to do with marriage. And I'm nowhere near ready to get married again, so I don't want to date.

I'm busy with my kids, I don't really have the energy or inclination to start dating and finding ways to keep potential partners from meeting my kids before I know how serious we are. It's just not even on the radar.

Maybe I'll remarry again someday. Maybe I won't.
post #30 of 45
Yeah, I've never like dating. In the past, I usually just met someone and we'd click instantly. Didn't have to date.

I think that if I wasn't so overweight, I'd be thinking about trying to find a partner. I'm a realist. The chances of me finding a man who will see past the weight to the person right off the bat are slim. Yeah, I know it can happen...but I'm not holding my breath.
post #31 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiernan View Post
People keep telling me, "Don't worry, you'll find someone!", and never believe me when I tell them I'm not interested.
Exactly! I'm not down on myself or anything. I don't think I'm "broken" and I'll never get another man. I just really don't want to date right now. I don't feel like my happiness with being single -- completely, 100% single -- is something that needs to be "fixed."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiernan View Post
I'm not totally closed off to the idea, it's just not a priority now and I don't see that changing anytime soon. It is such a relief, after years of resentment and stress in my marriage, to be on my own and be able to focus on DS, my family, my home and my work.
:
post #32 of 45
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by eurobin View Post
Exactly! I'm not down on myself or anything. I don't think I'm "broken" and I'll never get another man. I just really don't want to date right now. I don't feel like my happiness with being single -- completely, 100% single -- is something that needs to be "fixed."


:
Seriously. Why do people view the single state as something that needs to be cured? A happy, healthy marriage is great, but so is happy, healthy singledom. I'm not sure I'm suited to living with another adult anyway ... I'm a solitary creature at heart.
post #33 of 45
Hi mama,

I remember going to exchange something at Target about 6 months after divorce, and standing there looking at this awesome good looking man, with a little girl, unmarried, very sweet, talking to me and trying to get my number. I nearly hurled and gave him the wrong number.

I just remember telling myself, not now. I told my friends many times that I would never get into a serious relationship with a man.

A year ago I started feeling the desire to have a close male friend. I started a relationship with a man, but it never went anywhere. And it wasn't until February that I met someone who respects me for me, who I really like, who I think if it develops into a partnership that I could actually trust and depend on.

I've been divorced now for almost 4 years. It was around 3 years where the bad guy syndrome wore off and I started having conversations with men, without shying away, or being afraid to develop a relationship.

I think for some women, they don't want or need a man in their life. Maybe you have all the support in your life you need. For other women, they become curious around the 2nd year, and by the 3rd year they are dying for either a relationship or sex. Ha ha.

I didn't even want to have sex for so long. I know that sounds strange, but I just liked me for me, and I didn't need anyone in my life, verifying me or making me acceptable to society by being "partnered".

I am smitten by one man, and we spend hours talking and we have more than 70% of interest in things shared. I'm not taking this relationship by storm either. I can move very slowly with it until it feels right to move on or make this relationship legal.

Take your time. Only do what you want. There is absolutely no reason to go out on a date with someone because everyone else wants you to. Also, marriage as we all know, can lead to divorce. Why jump into that?

J.
post #34 of 45
Kiernan,

One of my favorite shows is Sex and the City. Carrie, the sex column writer talks about relationships and sex, and often ponders questions that I ponder too. Anyway, once she left her Minolo shoes at a party (her friend's babyshower). Someone stole her shoes at the party. She was so pissed. So she asked her friend if the shoes showed up and they didn't. Anyway, her friend became enraged over the fact that Carrie didn't have anything better to do that buy expensive shoes and shower herself with things. Carrie finally thought it over and realized that society honors married people, but not single people. So she sent a card to her friend with the baby, saying she was marrying herself, and pointed out the size and color of the shoes she wanted. Not long after that, her friend sent the shoes (new) to her, with a note saying, "enjoy yourself".

As goofy as it was, I really like the idea that someone can have a perfectly happy life (sex or no sex) and never be married, divorced, or married again. I don't really believe that all men and women were intended to be married. Sometimes people get married because they feel there is no other choice.

I hope my children learn from me that partners can be great, but they are optional.

J.
post #35 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigeyes View Post
You guys make me feel so much more normal. When I tell people I didn't date for 7 years they look at me like I'm a freak.
Ahhhh I have related to your comment the most out of this thread. My friends seriously think I'm a freak. But in reality I'm just living their life backwards.

I get that look. YOU HAVEN'T dated ANYBODY in SIX YEARS? I'm 33 for goodness sakes. My life isn't over, and it's not less than being single.

I was ALWAYS somebody's gf. From the age of 14 when I got my first real kiss, that was that. I didn't care who it was most of the time, just that I was attached to a man.

Now I'm living my life for me and dd, and it feels complete. Sure there are tough times, but none that have been easier with a man beside me.

I have nothing against men, I love men, and I would love to meet a nice one, someday, just not in the near future. I'm enjoying this too much to give it up just yet.



Oprah had a show once about dating over 40. This one woman said something that really stuck with me (I've quoted it here before). "If being single is the absolute worst thing to happen to me in my life, then I am a very blessed woman". She's so right.
post #36 of 45
I had very similar feelings about two years ago... just didnt have the time and energy to get out there
post #37 of 45
YES I am not alone I tried to date a few times, and felt to connection and was pretty sure I didnt want to. I am not wanting to be alone forever, but I am never really alone now, with my 3 babes In my mind I keep telling myself I am wanting a relationship..but then I realize I just have to stop watching John Cusack movies hahahahah...I am really happy being single right now.
post #38 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jyotsna View Post
I think for some women, they don't want or need a man in their life. Maybe you have all the support in your life you need. For other women, they become curious around the 2nd year, and by the 3rd year they are dying for either a relationship or sex. Ha ha.

I didn't even want to have sex for so long. I know that sounds strange, but I just liked me for me, and I didn't need anyone in my life, verifying me or making me acceptable to society by being "partnered".

J.
Yes I am in this boat too! Those quotes above are true for me. I have so much support from extended family. I sometimes try to think how I'd feel if they all moved away, I'm pretty sure I would be in a hurry to find a partner because of the lack of support I would then have.

A lot of what others have said is also true for me too. There are so many reasons why being single is better. Truthfully I haven't dated anyone since becoming pregnant with dd (she's 4), so 5yrs. If I tell people, they are very shocked as bigeyes mentioned, they make me feel like a freak or like there's something wrong with me because of it. Society in general makes me feel "Wrong" for being single
post #39 of 45
The sex and the city movie was a bit of a downer, I thought Carrie would have been better off single....

Subbing and : YAY mamas!
post #40 of 45
I'm subbing too. I don't have time to read at the moment, but this is so me. Ds is just over 2 and I have been single since I was newly pregnant. I'm very happy this way, and have a hard time imagining sharing my home/control/money with a man.
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