7 years difference! Age gap.

[MommaFox]

OK so DH and I got married back in 2003, just before DS's second birthday. DS is from my first husband, but that's a totally seperate fiasco. We tried and tried and tried to get pg. No dice. So, 4 years later, I decided to loose 50 pounds and enter the Masque at an area sci-fi convention. I lost 20 and lo and behold I got pregnant. Now #1 son will be 7 when this one comes along. I'm worried about the age gap, and how a 16 year old kis won't want a pesky 9 year old brother up in his space all the time. I'm not sure how to handle this situation, and is it really way too early to be worried about it?

[mamazee]

My kids will have a 7-year-gap and I'm really happy about that. My daughter has been able to be "the baby" for a good long time, and she shouldn't feel a huge amount of competition or anything because they won't be playing with the same toys or interested in the same things at the same time. Also, older kids love babies, and the teenagers I know with young siblings adore them.

Hopefully that'll help you "look on the bright side". LOL.

[WhaleinGaloshes]

My husband has a sister 8 years older and a brother 12 years older than he. They are all very close, particularly the sister. He was like her little baby when he was born. They are all in their 50's and 60's now and I love the relationship they share.

There were probably years in there along the way that they irritated each other, but I'm an identical twin and we bugged the heck out of each other for a long time (and often still do.) Those times (like 16yo and 9yo) are just fleeting seasons; your family is your family for your whole life most of which is your adulthood.

I'm a big fan of large age gaps, but I also really think there are no guarantees of close bonds with siblings no matter what their ages. I'd let them work out their relationship on their own terms.

[H & J's Mom]

My kids are 8.5 years apart and I can't imagine it any other way. They love playing together, big sis is a huuuge help to me, little bro has an awsome big sis to look up to, the list goes on and on.

We tried for many years (I wanted a 4 year age gap) but I'm so glad it didn't happen any sooner than it did!!

DD had our undivided attention for 8.5 years, now she has a lot of her own things on the go and DS gets a lot of our undivided attention (plus lots of attention from big sis). We can really enjoy him as a baby as we did with DD.

I never wanted to have my kids really close together, I didn't think I'd enjoy either of them (at the young age) if they were too close together. I'd have been way to busy going crazy and being cranky with them (I know myself well enough to admit that).

I love our age gap, it is perfect for our family and I'm betting once your little one arrives you'll find that new baby fits perfectly into your family.

[Unreal]

ds1 and ds2 are 7.5 years apart...ds1 will be 13 this fall, ds2 is 5...
and right now the hardest part is that anything that is fun for ds1 is boring for ds2, and anything for ds2 is boring for ds1 (although not nearly as bad)

they do fight...a lot.
Ds1 likes things to be "Right" (that seems to hit when boys are around 10 and last till about 15, I think? I'm hoping it'll end sooner than that though!)
ds2 likes things to be his way.

But I think they'll be happy when they are both older. Right now is a really rough age for both of them.

[nimblemama]

First of all, I would not worry. My brother and I are 6 years apart. He was also held back a year in school, so we were more like 7 years apart because of that. We played alot when we were little, but by the time I married and left home, he was just entering high school. We are friends, but never have been very close. My dh and his brother are only 16 months apart and although not close now, they did everything together of course and had many adventures.

That being said, I wanted my kids closer together because I did not want the age gap. Well, mine are 19 months apart and while I like the fact they have each other to play with, it has been very hard on me and dh and a long, rocky road raising these two (and the kids are only 3 and 4 1/2 now). We are afraid to have any more because the first two have been so intense. And if we do have anymore, there will be at least a 4-6 year age gap (which is what I wanted to prevent in the first place). I do like the idea of the kids being able to help with simple things and being able to take care of themselves without adding any more.

[ChickityChinah]

My kids are 8 years apart and I, too, couldn't imagine it any other way at this point. I really enjoy having DS around to help me with her and he loves taking care of her, too. Sure, she can be pesky, but he loves her fiercely and she thinks he hung the moon. Where ever he is, she has to be. Thankfully, so far, he's ok with that. LOL

Anyway, my advice to you is don't worry about it. It gonna be what it's gonna be and you'll all manage just fine .

[stormborn]

My younger is only a month old (7 years between them) but I have to say it's been all good so far. Just being able to ask big sister to grab me a diaper or sing to the baby while I pee ~!Alone!~ is such a big help.:

[JBaxter]

Dont worry My sister and I are 7 yrs appart and we are very close. My own children are 16,13 ,4 and due in October. The older 2 adore their 4 yr old brother and he looks up to them. Babies come in their own time. Congrats on the new addition

[stiles' mummy]

Mommafox, don't worry. Like the other posters mentioned...it is more personality compatibility than age gap that determines how close siblings will be.

our ds is 5, we are TTC. If we do, then there will be a 6+ year age gap. I have seen siblings who are 2 years apart and don't speak to each other. And I have friends who are 9 years apart and the best of friends.

And remember....whatever the age difference...they will always annoy/pester each other growing up..that's the main job of the sibling isn't it?

[~Megan~]

My sister and I are 7 years apart. My advise is to not use your oldest as a live in babysitter. I hated it and did not treat her well.

[stormborn]

Originally Posted by ~Megan~

My sister and I are 7 years apart. My advise is to not use your oldest as a live in babysitter. I hated it and did not treat her well.

How much is too much, do you think? I'll leave the baby on gramma's lap to go work the garden and ask the 7 yo to come get me if she cries or get her to watch the baby in another room while I cook, etc. She seems to enjoy it but I guess she'll let me know if that changes?

[Emmeline II]

It depends. I dated a guy who had a sister 7years older and they hated each other, and a brother 7 years younger and they were buddies.

[treehugginmama]

my first 2 are 6 years apart and they get along great. I personally feel it has more to do with children's personalities on how they get along rather than age difference.

[mamahart]

I have the 8 yr age gap and it has worked beautifully in most cases. My little boy will cry when sister goes on a sleepover or something though. He adores her. She handles herself amazingly well and asks for breaks she needs them. She gets frustrated occasionally but usually asks to lock her bedroom door for some "alone" time. Because she does this so gracefully and somewhat discreetly it works like a charm. However she is a fierce protector and will defend her brother even if he is being wild and crazy. She is a natural proponent of gentle discipline and often checks mom and dad if she feels like we are being too hard on him. Sometimes I feel a little undermined, but we talk about it.

[tuppence]

My sisters are 8 and 10 yrs older than I am. I used to adore both of them. (Issues with the oldest unrelated to our age difference.) The middle and I are bffs. We've lived together as adults on and off--oddly enough we had children with a few years of each other.

Growing up, it was a little like having more than one mom which could get annoying, but they were good to me and we never fought like they did with each other. We had a rough patch when they were around 18 and wanted more automony and I wanted them to play like they used to, but that passed and then repeated the other way when I was in college and wanted to separate and they were upset.

I guess I'm just saying that we're very close.

[jellybellyxoxo]

Some of my kids have a large age gap. My oldest is 13 and my youngest is just short of a month old. Sometimes, I regret it, but most of the time, it's handy having the oldest kid(s) to look after the younger ones, so that I can do stuff on my own. There are arguments sometimes (and they get annoyyinggggg) but they generally get along. I think you'll be fine with a 7 year difference. Just think of the help you can get!

[aeramom]

we have some big gaps here too, and overall, it works out fine. We have a 17 year old, 15 year old, almost 8 year old, and 2 year old (all girls). The younger two enjoy playing together most of the time and the almost 8 year old is very proud of being a good big sister though sometimes she gets annoyed of course. I try to keep the 2 year old from pestering her too much.

My older girls are also very helpful with the little ones -- it is more of a personality thing as far as which ones get along most smoothly. We do use the older girls to babysit the little ones some, but we pay them to sit for anything that seems above and beyond. (ex, they are paid to watch them if my husband and I go on a date -- if I'm running out to the grocery store or something they help out by watching for free). They enjoy being built in babysitters in order to get some spending $!

So, I think it can definitely work out with an age gap. You probably don't need to be too worried about it.

[bronxmom]

I also have a first child from a previous marriage and now my partner and I are having a baby due in December. My daughter is 9 years old now. She is over the moon about having a baby brother (we just found out it's a boy - she was hoping for a sister but is doing well with it). She has had 9 years of being the only child and more than 5 years for her and her stepdad to develop their relationship. I think it's a great age gap. They each will have their own friends, lives and interests to pursue so it seems like there's less room for sibling rivalry. My daughter is very excited about being a big sister and taking care of the baby. One thing that we're doing is incorporating her into everything - she comes to all the midwife appointments and will be at the birth and we include her in discussions about preparing for the baby. But I think this is a great age difference. Good luck!

[luckygreen713]

My brother is 6.5 years younger than me. I think it worked out nicley for my parents- I got to be the only child for a long time, and then I was old enough to help my mom with my brother, which I loved to do when I was little. He was like the best, interactive baby doll to me! I loved him and tried to be like his second little mommy. I was old enough to understand I wasn't being replaced, although I do remember feeling a little jealous sometimes. I was old enough to be able to play on my own so my mom could give him the attention he needed, and my mom said it was really nice that I was in school (1st grade) when he was born so she could spend the day with him just like she did with me. I was always really protective of him growing up, and I still am, actually. I'm 25 and he's 18, almost 19. Yes, we fought. A lot. And we still do sometimes, not like we used to when I still lived at home, but we do have our disagreements. But I think this has more to do with personality than age difference. We would have fought no matter how far apart we were, I think. The older we get, the more insignificant the age gap seems. We've never really had interests or hobbies in common, but now that we are getting older I don't mind "hanging out" with him. He has friends in their early 20's, so they are just a few years younger than me. I used to think of him as so much younger than me, but now I really don't.
I think you'll be fine. You'll work it out. Your older son will probably be a great big brother. Let him be involved with the new baby by letting him help out. He'll probably like being the big boy around the house.