earthy mamma instincts: naturally, gloriously selfish

[Tandy]

i feel less of a woman...

and that's part of why i am not up to adopting yet...

i want my body to be pregnant and nurse a babe at my breasts...

i want the whole woman experience that is sometimes so degraded in our culture...

i could go on for a long time about this...i'll start another thread if anyone is interested...

so here it is...

let's talk about this...

i am not really asking for support or hugs but wanting to share on an emotional/spiritual level these feelings with earthy women who understand...

i'll start by saying that when i think of adoption, i think i would have a very strong urge to put that babe to my breasts...bc that's what mom's do right?

want to share anything?

[lifeguard]

I can understand what you are saying. I felt so robbed of my feminity of my natural place in the world when we were unable to conceive.

If I had never had the opportunity to nurse I knew I would forever mourn that loss.

[Tandy]

i feel that this whole process is linked to my spirituality...almost becoming one and the same...

my nature as a woman cries out for this experience...

my very soul has this desire...

i don't just want "the baby," i want the experience that mother earth (or god or whatever you believe in) has meant for me to participate in by my very nature as a woman....

and i don't believe this is "selfish" in a bad way...it's more like self-actualization...

[dandelionsrflowers]

Originally Posted by Tandy

i feel that this whole process is linked to my spirituality...almost becoming one and the same...

my nature as a woman cries out for this experience...

my very soul has this desire...

i don't just want "the baby," i want the experience that mother earth (or god or whatever you believe in) has meant for me to participate in by my very nature as a woman....

and i don't believe this is "selfish" in a bad way...it's more like self-actualization...

i couldn't have said it any better... it's like you were reading my soul

as a side note... i know someone who breastfed their adopted baby. i hold on to little pieces of info like this to remind myself that their is always a way to hold on to some of my dream.

[songbird45]

It's not just about breastfeeding, though, it's the whole experience.

You know, I want to talk about this, but I just can't find the right words. You all said it better than I could.

[Tandy]

all of us who feel this way can say it...just in our own way...with our own words...we are all different, so we express it different ways...

personally, i need to say it...

[songbird45]

I'll give it a shot, although I just know I'm going to offend someone who has gone the adoption route. I don't mean it as offense... I just know that it's not the same.

Being a biological parent of my own child makes me feel like I'm part of something bigger. It's almost like I feel like pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding are sort of a womanly rite of passage. Maybe this is just some weird fantasy of mine, but if I don't get to experience it, I will feel cheated of the experience.

There's also awe of creation, the wonder of what my body can produce and nourish, the joy of bonding with an infant even before birth... these are things you can't get with an adopted child. Not only that, but if we "give up" and go to adoption, it means that I do not believe my body is capable of these things. I'm not ready to give up on all that yet, not ready to grieve that loss. Deep down, I think my body CAN grow, nurture, and nourish another human life... even if it can't release an egg on its own. *sigh*

[Tandy]

i totally get it...

some people are meant to adopt....

and some aren't...

and everyone should be able to deal with that...

your entitled to your own feelings/thoughts/ideas...

just as i am....

i feel EXACTLY the same way...

[songbird45]

I dont' want to imply that I'm not meant to adopt. I just think it's something I could only do after truly mourning the loss of all that has been described in this thread...

[Tandy]

i am the same way...

i don't think i am not meant to...just not right now...i want to see where my body takes me first...and some people don't want to ever...

and it's all okay....

[Sri Radha]

I feel the same way as you, 100%.

[Georgia_Julia]

I feel this way too... I want the experience of nurturing my body (and baby) all the way through the pregnancy with the best organic whole foods and other healthy things (my brother and SIL adopted, and their birth mother SMOKED all the way through the pregnancy )... I want the experience of childbirth and holding the baby my body created... definitely want the experience of breastfeeding... even dumb things like I want my child to have a shot at getting my crazy eye color or the quirky way my brain works.

It hurts so badly to give up on that dream... but after learning today that I am having miscarriage #4, I really want to give up on both having a biological child AND adopting (which has its own potential for heartbreak... birth mothers changing their mind etc.).

So sorry that you all are going through this too... it is a living hell and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

[Held]

Thanks for this thread.

I've been feeling the same. Hubby is unsure about adopton and I so long to bf our baby....sigh...

Julia I am so very sorry for your loss (((hugs))) I sent you a PM.