Originally Posted by jdubbelewe
My husband has decided that when I'm 3 mos pregnant is the appropriate time to inform me that he would like to divorce and that the thought of being a father fills him with nothing but dread. I've been staying at family and friends' homes the last few nights and came back to find that the spines of all of my baby books have been turned around so he doesn't have to see them and all of my magazines from the midwife are turned over. This is coming from my best friend and lover of over 8 years.
My advice to you is to be TOTALLY BRUTALLY HONEST with your girlfriend about how you feel - had my husband told me his feelings from the get go, I honestly would have terminated, but now we've got a heart and brain and fingers and toes and I'm not so sure I can do that.
This is tearing me apart as it is, and being pregnant and hormonal, and now alone doesn't help at all. I feel for you and I really hope you can be honest with her because if you think you're going through some crap, imagine what she's dealing with.
Not sure if any of this helps - I'm super bitter and heartbroken right now (found all this out Thurs) and not sure I can give good advice, but I hope you two can work through this and make the right decision...for all of you.
First, I have to give a hug to jdubbelewe
To the OP, babies are not natural disasters. An accidental pregnancy is not the worst thing that can happen to a couple. It will change your life, but it won't destroy it or kill your dreams/personal goals.
Also, it's not uncommon for fathers to be ambivalent when their partner is pregnant. For some dads 'fatherhood' doesn't kick in until after the birth. It's a pretty big cognitive shift to go from thinking about bodies as purely sexual to confronting what they are actually made for.
Explore fatherhood like you're researching a role. Talk to dads. Read. Confront your fears and worst case scenarios. Think about what kind of parent you want to be. Once you've done that, then talk to your partner. Talk about how you guys are going to manage the finances and logistics. Talk about your needs and how you can both meet them and care for a child.
Don't get married for the sake of the child. But don't abandon your relationship either b/c paying child support sucks. I would consider maybe moving in together and then seeing where you both are once the child is 1 or 2 years old.
If she's going to have the baby, don't panic. Just take it one moment at a time. Pregnancy is just one phase. THe first year another. It's not really (imo) until the second year that you really hit your stride with the parenting experience. Don't judge the whole based on one phase.
The best advice I ever heard with regards to parenting is to ignore everything negative you do and say to each other the first year. The learning curve of a new parent is done with too little sleep and doesn't allow us to be at our best.
My advice, once you figure out where you are on the whole fatherhood thing is to learn every thing you can about infant sleep during the first year and buy every gadget that you think might help. Sleep makes you human. Sleep gives you energy. Sleep is more important than sex the first year. Actually, if you and mom get some sleep you have a good shot at sex.
Good luck to you!