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child abuse suspected. . what to do. . - Page 6

post #101 of 116
PLEASE take her to an eye doctor! My oldest DD has a terrible time with a "lazy" eye. She's been wearing glasses since she was 10 months old and wears a patch several hours a day. The eye doctor says if we don't get the eye to work/get stronger the body will eventually stop depending on the eye and she will lose the use of her eye. She will become blind in that eye.

It's great that you have her so much of the time. It means taking her to the eye doctor will be easier. It's great that she's gaining weight and she's happy. Now you need to take an additional step and get her eye checked.
post #102 of 116
Just chiming in to add +1 on the eye exam! My DP DID get to a doctor, was patched and THEN surgically corrected but he still has terrible vision in his left eye. If he lost his right (good) eye for any reason he'd be registered blind, it's that bad. Quickly quickly!
post #103 of 116
Just a clarification, a "lazy eye" (amblyopia) is different from a deviating eye (strabismus). A lazy eye cannot be seen by visual inspection, but can only be determined by an eye doctor. A deviating eye CAN lead to lazy eye. So, when you see the eye wander, this is not due to it being a "lazy" eye, it is another condition (strabismus).

Regardless of the technical definitions, I agree that this little girl should be seen by an optometrist and/or ophthalmologist. I am glad to hear that she is otherwise doing much better!
post #104 of 116
Thread Starter 
I am so irate at this point ita unreal. alissas mom got kicked out but she wont let him keep her till she gets a place and worse today when he called she wouldnt tell him where she was or how she was doing. NOTHING. Im mad at her for being so immature and im mad at him for not taking this more seriously. i dont know what to do. he was suppose to get her tomorrow and i really dont know what will go over then. i dont know where she is but my guess is she got dropped off at the babysitters again. i saw her mom walking today with her boyfriend and no alissa. . im so mad i dont understand how he or she could be this way
post #105 of 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by tayndrewsmama View Post
She really needs to be seen by someone soon. That sounds like a lazy eye, and my understanding of that is that is it serious if it goes untreated. It can lead to blindness without proper care from a qualified eye doctor. Early treatment is necessary for the best outcome.
I'm sorry, I have to chime in here. I was reading the whole thread..wow talk about stressful! Anyway, Kris you are a totally wonderful person for wanting to help this little girl and all persons involved. But this thing about the lazy eye, I had 2 eye operations when I was 3 and 4 for the same thing. My one eye would 'drift'. I still have a 'lazy eye', the operations did nothing for it except traumatize me about going to the doctors. I still remember them 'putting me under', it was one of my earliest memories.

I got the book by Dr. Mendelsohn "How to raise a healthy child in spite of your doctor". In it, he said that lazy eye for the most part will correct itself, usually by age 5 or so. IF it's not corrected by then, then he says surgery is recommended. Many times eye exercises are used for correction. He also said it's a very common over used surgery. It's just something to think about.

I hope that everything goes well for your BF and his DD, and you too of course! You are a very mature person to want to go to bat for her and him..and the mother. It seems like she was raised in an abusive situation herself and has a lot of issues to move through. Having an abusive mother as a role model is a big problem, I'm sure! But the concern here is for DD as you already know. You are a special person.
post #106 of 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by tammyswanson View Post
I'm sorry, I have to chime in here. I was reading the whole thread..wow talk about stressful! Anyway, Kris you are a totally wonderful person for wanting to help this little girl and all persons involved. But this thing about the lazy eye, I had 2 eye operations when I was 3 and 4 for the same thing. My one eye would 'drift'. I still have a 'lazy eye', the operations did nothing for it except traumatize me about going to the doctors. I still remember them 'putting me under', it was one of my earliest memories.

I got the book by Dr. Mendelsohn "How to raise a healthy child in spite of your doctor". In it, he said that lazy eye for the most part will correct itself, usually by age 5 or so. IF it's not corrected by then, then he says surgery is recommended. Many times eye exercises are used for correction. He also said it's a very common over used surgery. It's just something to think about.

I hope that everything goes well for your BF and his DD, and you too of course! You are a very mature person to want to go to bat for her and him..and the mother. It seems like she was raised in an abusive situation herself and has a lot of issues to move through. Having an abusive mother as a role model is a big problem, I'm sure! But the concern here is for DD as you already know. You are a special person.
Honestly, I didn't even know they did surgery for something like that. A few kids in the neighborhood I grew up with had it and they saw a doc who did some sort of vision training or something like that. I don't really know the specifics because it was a long time ago. I do recall this going on during elementary school though, so they must not have applied to the under five rule in correcting itself.
post #107 of 116
Surgery usually depends on severity. My DP's left pupil was pointed at his nose whatever his other eye was doing. It barely moved. The muscle was so short on the inside corner surgery was the only option and even after surgery he has a slight strabismus when he's tired (and the outer muscle slackens a touch) and his vision is very compromised on that side. Without surgery he'd have been effectively blind in that eye by now (if the brain can't rely on what it sees it ignores it and relies on the reliable eye for its information). His however was not the sort of squint one might only see when a child is looking directly at you or off to one side - you could have seen it at 50 yards.
post #108 of 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by tammyswanson View Post
But this thing about the lazy eye, I had 2 eye operations when I was 3 and 4 for the same thing. My one eye would 'drift'. I still have a 'lazy eye', the operations did nothing for it except traumatize me about going to the doctors. I still remember them 'putting me under', it was one of my earliest memories.
Surgery could be used to correct a drift, but as far as I know it can't be used to correct a lazy eye, which has to do with the brain and not a physical eye issue. So, that might explain why you're still left with a lazy eye. Did they at least correct the drift?

Sorry, you had to go through that trauma. I had to have stitches in my eye cavity when I was 3 and they couldn't do freezing in that area, so they had to strap me down and do the stitches without any freezing and I screamed and screamed. I have a nightmare about it occasionally. So I can relate!

Quote:
Originally Posted by tayndrewsmama View Post
Honestly, I didn't even know they did surgery for something like that. A few kids in the neighborhood I grew up with had it and they saw a doc who did some sort of vision training or something like that. I don't really know the specifics because it was a long time ago. I do recall this going on during elementary school though, so they must not have applied to the under five rule in correcting itself.
Surgery is an option for "strabismus" (misaligned or deviating eye), to correct the eye's alignment. As far as I know, surgery is not an option for "lazy eye", which as I said before, is NOT the same as a misaligned/deviating/drifiting eye. Misaligned/deviating/drifiting eyes can lead to lazy eye, but having lazy eye on its own does NOT mean you have a misaligned/deviating/drifiting eye. A lazy eye has to do with the brain, not a physical issue with the eye.

For anyone interested in further reading, the Wikipedia page isn't too bad http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amblyopia
post #109 of 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by kris10leigh View Post
I am so irate at this point ita unreal. alissas mom got kicked out but she wont let him keep her till she gets a place and worse today when he called she wouldnt tell him where she was or how she was doing. NOTHING. Im mad at her for being so immature and im mad at him for not taking this more seriously. i dont know what to do. he was suppose to get her tomorrow and i really dont know what will go over then. i dont know where she is but my guess is she got dropped off at the babysitters again. i saw her mom walking today with her boyfriend and no alissa. . im so mad i dont understand how he or she could be this way
It really sounds like he doesn't care. You're the push behind any interest he has towards his daughter. It's sad for her. Maybe you can call the sitter and ask that cps be called the next time the child is left there for days. That's just not normal at all.

I'd take this as a sign with your boyfriend. Sorry, but he's showing you who he is. He's not standing up for the one person who needs him the most.

Lisa
post #110 of 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by TechnoGranola View Post
Surgery could be used to correct a drift, but as far as I know it can't be used to correct a lazy eye, which has to do with the brain and not a physical eye issue. So, that might explain why you're still left with a lazy eye. Did they at least correct the drift?

Sorry, you had to go through that trauma. I had to have stitches in my eye cavity when I was 3 and they couldn't do freezing in that area, so they had to strap me down and do the stitches without any freezing and I screamed and screamed. I have a nightmare about it occasionally. So I can relate!

Surgery is an option for "strabismus" (misaligned or deviating eye), to correct the eye's alignment. As far as I know, surgery is not an option for "lazy eye", which as I said before, is NOT the same as a misaligned/deviating/drifiting eye. Misaligned/deviating/drifiting eyes can lead to lazy eye, but having lazy eye on its own does NOT mean you have a misaligned/deviating/drifiting eye. A lazy eye has to do with the brain, not a physical issue with the eye.

For anyone interested in further reading, the Wikipedia page isn't too bad http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amblyopia
Okay..thanks for the wiki article! I checked it out and I did/still do have strabismus.

I can't believe they didn't give you any anesthesia when they did that to your eye!!!
post #111 of 116
how can you say it sounds like he does not care?

have you been in that situation? sometimes it is best not to anger the other person. I am sure he does care and is doing what he thinks is best.
post #112 of 116
Thread Starter 
I think that he does care, but I also think he is lost. He doesn't want to fight so he doesn't show her to much emotion. He is still saving all messages that she sends to him. hopefully he will find a good attorney. She dropped alissa off on thurs he is suppose to take her home tonight but we may keep her longer if she lets him. He took her camping with his grandparents and she seems to be having a good time. For the first time since her sprain she is running and jumping around. so I think her ankle is MUCH better! Still if you ask her what hurts she points to her ankle. I think its just the memory, but i dont really know. We are lookin to get our own place with in the next month, so it will be 2 bedroom so she has her own room and hopefully it will increase his chance of custody. He said alissas mom is now living with her mother again so i guess that is good, alissa has a home, i believe she still spends to much time at her babysitters that is 8 months pregnant. The babysitter would call cps because she is friends with the mother, good friends and doesnt like steven at all, which is kind of rediculous to me, he hasn't done anything to her at all except pick up his daughter. All n all i'm hoping in time things will start to improve. Alissa has shown great improvement in the past month so that gives us a push.
post #113 of 116
Thread Starter 
alissas mom never showed lastnight, after a few calls she told steven she didnt feel like getting her. and we said we could keep her til 3 oclock today, i had to work at 330 and steven had school til 7 tonight. she didnt show til 4. i had to leave alissa with stevens gma that just had back surgery and even tho she said she could take care of her i was a nervous wreck at work.

she picked her up at 4 stevens gma said she cried at the sight of her mom. her mom asked her if she wanted to go to park she cried and said no. she said it was hard for her she wanted to say she could just stay but she couldnt take care of her that long. but at 445 alissas mom came into my work with her boyfriend and di not have alissa. so my guess is she picked her up and then dropped her off somewhere else. she hadnt seen her since thurs. i dont know how you can go that long without seeing your child and then drop them off as soon as you get them.
post #114 of 116
I have not read everything.

If you are concerned for the child's safety call the appropriate authorities.

Personally if I were with a man who was concerned about his daughters safety and didn't do something because he wants to avoid conflict I would leave him and report it myself.
post #115 of 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xshy View Post
I have not read everything.

If you are concerned for the child's safety call the appropriate authorities.

Personally if I were with a man who was concerned about his daughters safety and didn't do something because he wants to avoid conflict I would leave him and report it myself.

There has to be a balance here. Avoiding confilict could mean he is afraid of loosing his child. How many woman don't report, do something for the same reason. Doesn't make it right but it makes us human.

Think about how many women that have been in the same situation....it is the same emotions situation. Same fears. et
post #116 of 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xshy View Post
I have not read everything.

If you are concerned for the child's safety call the appropriate authorities.

Personally if I were with a man who was concerned about his daughters safety and didn't do something because he wants to avoid conflict I would leave him and report it myself.
Hi! I agree. I wouldn't want to have children with a man like this or stay in a relationship with him period. Just from the sound of it, it seems like he may be putting his own comfort ahead of his child. So where would that leave future children/spouse in even day to day situations? I don't know how he feels or what he is thinking, but this VERY much sounds like this little girl is being neglected and isn't being nurtured by her mother at all.. why else would she cry at the sight of her? A child should never cry sad tears at the sight of their parent. That breaks my heart. I feel bad for Dad because he will have this little girls suffering on his heart the rest of his life as well if he doesn't act. We can be concerned all we want, but it's in our ACTION that tells the tale. (IMO)

Best of luck. Such a sad situation
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