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child abuse suspected. . what to do. . - Page 4

post #61 of 116
7/26/08 at 8:17pm
Just wanted to bring it back to the original question, what to do if you suspect abuse...

*hugs* you sound like you are in a tough situation, and I don't know if one can pass a judgement on what's going on in there, and there seems to be A LOT going on in your life surrounding this family situation, and it's hard to know what advice to give from behind the screen. To put simply, all I can say on the matter: if you suspect abuse, you certainly should report.

Best of luck to you.
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post #62 of 116
7/28/08 at 9:12am
I am so glad communication is opening!

but please call!
post #63 of 116
7/29/08 at 2:26am
Thread Starter 
He took dd home lastnight and she seemed to be doing better. me fear is that she is now so scared to walk on it that we wont know when it feels better. . He was holding her and pressed his hand to bottom of her foot wiggled her foot and ankle and she didnt say anything just went about what she was doing b4, but when we placed her down and tried to make her walk not only will she not touch the hurt foot to the ground but she wont the foot thats been fine all along. she cries and says ow ow ow but its not even touching just the thought of standing sends her into panic. I told him we dont know if its still hurt because even tho its visably fine no more bruising or swelling she cant tell us what exactly hurts how much pressure is to much etc. . When he took her home he told her mom the story and today called to check up on her. He had been told she was taken to the dr. but today he said hed like it if she did not show improvement in the next couple days if shed take dd to new dr. or get 2nd opinion, something ( the hospital in our town is horrible and known by many to misdiagnose) . And the mother replied well id like to take her to the dr. but i cant her med. card has been cancled. . her med card wouldve been cancled when her mother quit her job, but her mother has had time to go ask for a new one, and if she cant take her to the dr. now cause the card had been cancled weeks ago did she take her to the dr. this time or was it a lie? also i talked to a friend of mine and she said when dd's gma (her mothers mom) brought her in store and told them what happened it was a complete different story from what her dad was told. . .I'm frustrated we cant even get strait story what happened or if she had been taken to the dr. we went the week believing she had been only to now find out she quite possibly couldnt have been.

Also does it sound like she may just be scared to stand on her foot? more of a mind over matter thing?
post #64 of 116
7/29/08 at 3:37am
Take her to the ER if she's not walking on it when you see her next. They will know what to check for. It could be sprained (which takes up to 6 weeks to heal, and should be protected during that time), strained/stretched ligament (less serious than sprain), broken, or it could be something even more serious.

My son was that age when Ii thought he had twisted his ankle. It turned out to be a bone infection called osteomyelitis, and he needed several weeks of IV antibiotics. Untreated, it can lead to permanent bone damage.
post #65 of 116
7/29/08 at 2:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by kris10leigh View Post
Also does it sound like she may just be scared to stand on her foot? more of a mind over matter thing?
Yes, it's quite possible. Very young kids don't know how to test an injury the way an adult would - put a little weight on it, then a little more, etc. She can only stand on it or not, and she's not gonna risk it yet! Eventually, if healing is going well, the pain memory will fade and she'll get up and run off w/o a thought.
post #66 of 116
7/29/08 at 3:03pm
there is more then one story about how the injury happened? CALL CPS PLEASE! I BEG YOU! PM your location and I will call!


and she could be favoring her foot, but she is young, memory for it should not be long. if it is, go to a doctor.
post #67 of 116
7/29/08 at 3:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by betterparent View Post
there is more then one story about how the injury happened? CALL CPS PLEASE! I BEG YOU!
Again I say, as a social worker, CALL TODAY.

You can even call the police and ask how to make an anonymous report.


Again YOU should not be determining if she is abused. Let professionals do that.

I can't stand this thread anymore. Stop hemming and hawing and asking for explanations. Obviously you think the injury is suspicious. REPORT IT.

And FWIW, a single call does not mean she will be put into foster care.
post #68 of 116
7/30/08 at 12:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by betterparent View Post
there is more then one story about how the injury happened? CALL CPS PLEASE! I BEG YOU! PM your location and I will call!


and she could be favoring her foot, but she is young, memory for it should not be long. if it is, go to a doctor.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brilliantmama View Post
Again I say, as a social worker, CALL TODAY.

You can even call the police and ask how to make an anonymous report.


Again YOU should not be determining if she is abused. Let professionals do that.

I can't stand this thread anymore. Stop hemming and hawing and asking for explanations. Obviously you think the injury is suspicious. REPORT IT.

And FWIW, a single call does not mean she will be put into foster care.
please call. there have been so many mamas on here telling you this. these are not mamas who suggest calling every and any time someone asks a question. these are mamas who would only call if there was a legitimate reason to do so. and these mamas are telling you to call!
the fact that there is more than one story is a big red abuse flag. so is the lying to you about taking her to the doc and the whole med card thing. it sounds like she is trying to cover something up. also the fact that she is living with a person with FOUNDED abuse on her record.
PLEASE CALL TODAY!
post #69 of 116
7/30/08 at 12:54pm
If abuse if found from another source (not you or your boyfriend) Then it could hurt the visitation with boyfriend. They (CPS) will not hesitate to question boyfriend and ask him "why didn't you do anything to stop it or report it??" and he could loose visitation.
post #70 of 116
7/30/08 at 2:08pm
I am so sorry to be harsh but you are letting a bad situation continue for a very very young child until you call for help.
I am glad you feel committed to your mate regardless of what the hardships are. I have had great success in hanging in there when the going got tough.
My intuitive sense is that maybe mom is ok, but Grandma should not be with this little girl. I would hazard a guess that she is the abuser. If mom is protecting her there is a scary situation in place.
I personally removed a child from a home at one point, which I am not recommending, but I refused to return the child until mom voluntarily enrolled herself in a cps program called something like helping parents. This mother also offered to GIVE her child to me. We went through a lot together where I was consistently the advocate for the child, and eventually for mom too. They made it together and have a good life now. Many people told me to pull out and it was too complicated and could only end badly. But after a 2 year therapy program where mom and daughter lived in a section 8 apartment with DAILY groups for mom and daughter they recovered, are still recovering.
You really have to get help. Really your boyfriend needs to get help. Really mom needs help. And most importantly the baby you all are tending to needs to be protected, loved and cared for ALL THE TIME.
I think you are doing a great job so far. Please PM me and I will call you if you need or want to talk about what to do next. Saving a child is no small thing in the world. It's important and beautiful. Remember to take care of yourself or you cannot take care of anyone else.
post #71 of 116
7/31/08 at 8:53am
Quote:
Originally Posted by candipooh View Post
If abuse if found from another source (not you or your boyfriend) Then it could hurt the visitation with boyfriend. They (CPS) will not hesitate to question boyfriend and ask him "why didn't you do anything to stop it or report it??" and he could loose visitation.

this is very unlikely! they will probably ask him what he has seen, they might ask him why he didn't call, but they will not take his visitation away!
post #72 of 116
7/31/08 at 9:42pm
Thread Starter 
My bf still truly believes these have all been accidents, however due to my constant nagging he has agreed to keep her longer. he got her lastnight and she is doing much better. could we call and they check the home out while she is not there? Or would it be best for her to be there so they can look at her as well? would they call first or would it be unannounced?

she still will not walk but i think it is more of a fear . . she will crawl and holds the hurt foot in the air but occasionally we will catch her holding wrong foot in the air. she can now wear shoes and things. We think she is liking the being carried averywhere and the catering we are giving her.

For now I feel content that she is with her daddy and is recovering. And her mom has allowed this with no argument.
post #73 of 116
7/31/08 at 9:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by kris10leigh View Post
could we call and they check the home out while she is not there? Or would it be best for her to be there so they can look at her as well? would they call first or would it be unannounced?
It depends on what they believe needs to be investigated. Call Now.
post #74 of 116
7/31/08 at 9:55pm
I have been watching this thread for awhile and I am begging you to call CPS NOW.

As a pre-teen my family was the victim of a malicious CPS call, so I know how it feels.

CALL NOW!
post #75 of 116
8/2/08 at 7:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by betterparent View Post
they will probably ask him what he has seen, they might ask him why he didn't call, but they will not take his visitation away!
What if the mom says that the dad was the one that hurt the child - that could definitely affect visitation.

I would think that since you know that she was not injured while in your care and are worried that someone may have injured her while she was with her mom it would be best to report what you/your boyfriend saw so that there is a record of the incident and that he was the one to report it. That way if, god forbid, something happens in the future there is a record off him being concerned about his daughter's welfare while in her mom's care.
post #76 of 116
8/4/08 at 11:48am
ita. if you dont say anything and they do an investigation it looks bad for you.

We have CPS involved right now b/c my DSDs mom lost custody (we have them).
post #77 of 116
8/9/08 at 2:48am
Thread Starter 

Update

Steven had her this weekend after a talk with her mom he was told she would call him when he could pick her up in the morning. . whenever Alissa woke up. Seein she usually wakes up by 8 at 9am he called her mom who then told him alissa had stayed the night at her babysitters. Steven went to pick her up and found out her mom had dropped her off on wed and never came and picked her up. Steven was angry and told the babysitter he wasnt mad at her but that he should know if she needs somewhere to stay he should be the first person to be called and that it was rediculous that the babysitter had her that long anyways. Then the babysitters younger sister (she is best friends with alissas mom) called steven and told him that alissa is always at their house that her mom never has her or food in their house. So after all this he called several attorneys contacted 1 after a while and is going to take all info to try and gain custody.
After all this and talking with him. I find out alissas mom isnt even legal guardian of alissa her gma is (same gma that has had a few kids taken away) because her mom was so young at the time she signed over all rights to her mom.

After calling cps i found out that they had been called same week a few days b4 by another annonymous caller, it gave me relief because i have not been to blame for these previous calls so i felt much better. All in All we have her at the moment and he is now fighting for his daughter. it just took some1 else, some one who is suppose to be on her mothers side, noticing and saying something to him. Hes ready and Im ready and we are going to try and do all we can.
post #78 of 116
8/9/08 at 2:00pm
Thank god. I am so glad this little girl will be taken care of. I wish you all well. Take care of yourselves.
post #79 of 116
8/10/08 at 9:39am
Quote:
Originally Posted by betterparent View Post
this is very unlikely! they will probably ask him what he has seen, they might ask him why he didn't call, but they will not take his visitation away!
Legally, Dad has no visitation. So there's nothing to take away - but that doesn't mean he'll continue getting the child, either. Either from DFCS or from Mom - 'cause she's likely to figure out who called. W/o court orders, she has absolutely no obligation to send the child to Dad.

Additionally, depending on the state and Dad's age at conception, he may find himself in hot water for being sexually involved with a 14/15yo.

(edit) responded to the earlier post before reading to the end. But I'm going to leave it anyway.
post #80 of 116
8/10/08 at 12:57pm
Thread Starter 
question: I have her mom on my myspace on which she has pictures of drinking and partying etc. . also some of the pictures are dated the night we took alissa home from one of his weekends. . can these be used against her in court?
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