child abuse suspected. . what to do. . - Page 5

[tayndrewsmama]

Originally Posted by mamahart

My intuitive sense is that maybe mom is ok, but Grandma should not be with this little girl. I would hazard a guess that she is the abuser.

This is the feeling I am getting as well. Poor girl. I would venture to guess that given the grandmother's past history, I doubt the mother would speak out against her. I think that the relationship they have is one where the little girl's mother thinks that her mother has her over a barrel. I would bet that woman isn't too happy with anyone in this situation and who knows what kind of things she might do. Heck, for all anyone knows that child support money is going to her for who knows what.

I hope things turn out well in the end, but for now I guess you should hold on be prepared for a bumpy ride.

[kris10leigh]

yea, the child support will go to alissas grandmother since she is legal guardian. . I dont know how alissas mother feels she seems to be very close to her mother but maybe her telling steven she doesnt want her anymore is an attempt to get aliss away from her gma. i dont know. If this is her intent its very hard to tell. since alissas gma is guardian i think it may increase stevens chance of gaining custody. . i can only hope.

[betterparent]

how did she sign over rights to grandma without his permission??

btw...so glad you called!

[Marsupialmom]

Originally Posted by kris10leigh

question: I have her mom on my myspace on which she has pictures of drinking and partying etc. . also some of the pictures are dated the night we took alissa home from one of his weekends. . can these be used against her in court?

I would make copies of these. They look bad because she is still underage but they might not hold much because you had the baby or a responcible person did.

[Marsupialmom]

Originally Posted by betterparent

how did she sign over rights to grandma without his permission??

btw...so glad you called!

This is farely easy to do. At time of birth (in hospital) she claimed she didnt' know who father was and/or the father was there or allowed to sign he is daddy.

In hospital a well intended social worker let her sign over custodial rights--they don't know who or were dad is

A few weeks later paternity is established and the nightmare begins. Because one hand of the system doesn't know what the other one is doing it causes problems. He could legally have paid this child support to her not knowing it should have gone to grandma because mom failed to mention who had legal custody. ****I know someone that got foodstamps and financial aid because she failed mention she didn't have custody.

This young lady could very well have given the child up for adoption and dad never know.

There can be a lot of issues and unfair situations when it comes to paternity. Men don't automaticly know if they are the dad. Now days it isn't horrible for a guy to say before I take responciblity I want DNA proof. Even though majority of women are honest--there are some less than honorable ones out there. These less than honorable ones will abuse the guys that take responciblity.

[kris10leigh]

yea. during the pregnancy she had maintain that he was the father and a few months before she told that she wasnt his and when alissa was born she never told him he heard froma mutual friend of theres and went there and saw her in the nursery but even then had no rights to hold or anything.
A few months later he signed the papers and then established he was the father. . he has been paying child support to alissa gma this whole time.

[smilingmomma]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom

I would make copies of these. They look bad because she is still underage but they might not hold much because you had the baby or a responcible person did.

Hi. I'm a CSW (Clinical Social Worker). I'm a child therapist who has worked with ACS (DCFS in New York State).

I'm so glad you decided to call. If your BF wishes to have custody, and is shown to be in good character, he will probably be given 100% custody by family court at the time of the DCFS/Family Court hearing. There will be a DCFS hearing if there is a finding of abuse or neglect. Given the information you've passed along, I'd say there will be a court hearing. Family Court Judges, Social Workers, and DCFC case managers know how terrible it is to put a child in the "system" and will do EVERYTHING to avoid it. I'd cross my fingers that your BF retains custody.

My heart goes out to you. Stay strong but please realize that this ultimately is not your responsibility and that you deserve happiness in your life. I am saddened that some people suggested you simply leave your BF---That's difficult and I can tell how attached you are. Even if that is the "right" thing to do, or the "healthy" thing to do, it doesn't mean it's easy or that you're ready.

Oh, and btw, the journals and myspace pictures are not admissible in family court. I've never seen such things allowed. They can be used during the INVESTIGATION. You can show them to the DCFS workers and anyone else who is assigned to the case (clinical social worker, psychologist, law enforcement). However, the judge will not allow them in court for a variety of legal reasons.

[kris10leigh]

will they inform him if there is a hearing? we havent heard anything. . If the journals and pictures arent legally acceptable how will they help in the investigation?
Her mom dropped her off tonight while steven was at work she said she was off tomorrow and wanted to go out with her friends so i fed her bathed her we played a little and then tucked her in. Shes beginning to talk more saying milk, bike, snack, and my personal favorite "Krinnen" thats me! lol.
I honestly think when steven does fight for custody there will be no fight. She doesnt seem to want her last week she went to babysitters on wed steven picked her up @ babysitters on fri and took her home wed night now 2 nights later she is asking if we will take her again and then he will get her next weekend and keep her prolly most of the week. but i guess if she doesnt have custody its up to her mom (alissas gma) to fight. and she just may, who knows. Weve notice 1 of alissas eye is a lil draggy sometimes looking cross eyed, he told her mom but she wasnt real urgent bout going to dr. didnt reply for a day or so and he was planning on no one coming to pick her up because of the lack of response. its always back and forth never constant. grr.

[moondiapers]

Originally Posted by kris10leigh

also about 4 days b4 the sprained ankle the mother had called him and said she did not want the lil girl anymore. He said ok but once its final i dont want you seeing her again and she changed her mind said she was just mad at the time. . Blisters have shown on feet from wrong shoe sizes being worn

He handled that very badly. His daughter living with him should not mean she never sees her mother again. Mom was crying out for help and he shut her down. She probably knows her little girl would be better off with her dad but isn't willing to stop seeing her.

[moondiapers]

Originally Posted by smilingmomma

Oh, and btw, the journals and myspace pictures are not admissible in family court. I've never seen such things allowed. They can be used during the INVESTIGATION. You can show them to the DCFS workers and anyone else who is assigned to the case (clinical social worker, psychologist, law enforcement). However, the judge will not allow them in court for a variety of legal reasons.

This depends on the state you are in. We kept a calander/journal of events and took photos. It was all admissable. We're in california.

[moondiapers]

Originally Posted by kris10leigh

will they inform him if there is a hearing? we havent heard anything. . If the journals and pictures arent legally acceptable how will they help in the investigation?
Her mom dropped her off tonight while steven was at work she said she was off tomorrow and wanted to go out with her friends so i fed her bathed her we played a little and then tucked her in. Shes beginning to talk more saying milk, bike, snack, and my personal favorite "Krinnen" thats me! lol.
I honestly think when steven does fight for custody there will be no fight. She doesnt seem to want her last week she went to babysitters on wed steven picked her up @ babysitters on fri and took her home wed night now 2 nights later she is asking if we will take her again and then he will get her next weekend and keep her prolly most of the week. but i guess if she doesnt have custody its up to her mom (alissas gma) to fight. and she just may, who knows. Weve notice 1 of alissas eye is a lil draggy sometimes looking cross eyed, he told her mom but she wasnt real urgent bout going to dr. didnt reply for a day or so and he was planning on no one coming to pick her up because of the lack of response. its always back and forth never constant. grr.

The judge may want to know why her father didn't take her to the doctor then.

[smilingmomma]

The judge may look at the journals and photos but s/he probably will not put them into evidence. Family court judges are usually quite good and relaxed and will listen to every single side of the story. You will TOTALLY be notified. They can't have a hearing without all involved. Please know, that you may not be 'welcomed' by the judge as readily as the birth father and birth mother, just because of the legalities. That's not to say, that you will not be heard but you may have to speak through the case worker assigned to the case.

A hearing will only take place after a home study, at both homes (if they are thinking of recommending placement with your boyfriend), and a full investigation. If there are criminal charges (which I HIGHLY doubt, given what you've said), that that also needs to take place. Again, that's very unlikely.

DCFS/Child Welfare in any state moves far to slowly (trust me). So, it will take time before there's a hearing. Your boyfriend should be fully prepared to state that he would like custody. He should also be prepared to prove that he is a citizen in good standing (that doesn't mean perfect)---that he has a clean apartment, a room and bed for the daughter (separate from your room and bed), and that he is gainfully employed. He doesn't have to make a lot of money, just enough. Minimum wage is enough in the eyes of the court.

Best of luck again!

[smilingmomma]

Also, when I said a room and a bed. Don't be upset if he doesn't have a separate bedroom for DD. DCFS in most states is a-ok with a single bed or even pull out coach in a separate room. I've had plenty of kids entrusted to homes where they have a single bed in the living room. The law is backwards and doesn't even acknowledge that some families co-sleep or share 1 room. This is a stickler-unfortunately.

[tayndrewsmama]

Originally Posted by kris10leigh

Weve notice 1 of alissas eye is a lil draggy sometimes looking cross eyed, he told her mom but she wasnt real urgent bout going to dr.

She really needs to be seen by someone soon. That sounds like a lazy eye, and my understanding of that is that is it serious if it goes untreated. It can lead to blindness without proper care from a qualified eye doctor. Early treatment is necessary for the best outcome.

[smilingmomma]

Kris

I've been thinking of you and hoping all is well. Please update us when you get a chance. If you want to chat feel free to PM me anytime. I'm very involved in the rearing of my partner's 2 kids, have not be in your situation, but can relate in other ways.

[betterparent]

I dont really come here anymore, but I still think of you and hope all is well.

[strangeduck]

As an adult survivor of child abuse, thank you for calling child services. Between my history and the time I spent working in a nursing home, being a mandated reporter of dependant adult abuse, I firmly believe that everyone should act as though they are a mandated reporter.

One only has to watch the nightly news to know that if anything, child services always errs on the side of leaving a child with biological parents, so you don't have to worry that one complaint will remove the child from the home without investigating any allegations.

I also firmly believe that anyone that young should have extensive support from family therapists and attend parenting classes. It is hard enough to be a parent as a well adjusted adult, when a teenager from a dysfunctional home becomes a parent, abuse or neglect is the most likely outcome, if only due to ignorance.

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by moondiapers

The judge may want to know why her father didn't take her to the doctor then.

That's exactly what I was thinking.

[kris10leigh]

Alissa is still doing very well. Recently we have been keeping 4-5 nights a week depending if her mom wants her or not. . she has been gaining weight and her hair is beginning to grow more which leaves me to believe it was from lack of nutrients. she is walking and we have a fair in our area which i took her to today she had alot of fun. . steven is working 2 jobs and going to school, 1 of which is 12 hours a day on the weekend.

Tonight he was suppose to take her home but after a text and numerous calls where he was either hung up on or ignored all together he gave up. then about 20 min later she "wanted her daughter back" He is a little upset over it but he will get over just something to push him going to court a little more.

All in all im so happy she is gaining weight and her hair is growing she is happy and clean and that is wonderful.

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by tayndrewsmama

She really needs to be seen by someone soon. That sounds like a lazy eye, and my understanding of that is that is it serious if it goes untreated. It can lead to blindness without proper care from a qualified eye doctor. Early treatment is necessary for the best outcome.

Absolutely. That needs to be addressed ASAP.