Originally Posted by whalemilk
On the other hand, if she had said she wanted to adopt and that the kids weren't any more likely than average to have problems or issues, she'd get smacked down for that, too. I guess a woman can't win--not if she voices her honest feelings to a sister, at least, instead of just saying what's pre-approved by society.
I'm having a real hard time believing that would happen here. Calling adopted children "damaged" is pretty crass—especially after talking about wanting to have children through other means than pregnancy. Some of us here are adopted and have adoption in our families. If OP's sister had simply said she just wanted a child from her genetic material, that'd be different, but to label an entire group of people like that is wrong.
And just because someone expresses their feelings honestly (regardless of whether they are related to you or not), doesn't make what they say right or even understandable. My grandfather is a racist. I can't say that just because he's "honest about his feelings" that it makes what he says any less disgusting and embarrassing to hear.
If my sister said anything like that, I'd probably just drop it, like OP, and I would not encourage her to talk about it unless the conversation really went anywhere. When close relatives start saying crazy things like that they usually are hiding things or have a few wires crossed. There's not much you can do to change their views unless they decide to open up about what's really going on.
BTW, now that we know she's your sister, OP, that changes things. Family dynamics can be very complicated.
Perhaps, she really doesn't want children and is making excuses up to appease family members she may feel would pressure her (not necessarily you, but maybe parents or other siblings). It's also possible that maybe she's hiding infertility (hers or her husband's). That kind of thing can make people feel *very* vulnerable—especially ones who come from large families or families who have strong beliefs in having lots of kids.
I had an aunt say odd things like your sister for years. It turned out she had her tubes tied at an early age, and didn't want certain members of our family to find out and judge her for it. I had another aunt (same family) who was infertile, but simply told people she didn't want anymore kids because she didn't want people to feel sorry for her or pressure her into getting fertility treatment.