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Reasonable phone time with child for parent not currently with the child... - Page 2

post #21 of 24
Since it is also a work phone, I would most definitely use that!

I would have dad tell bio-mom something along the lines of ...

Dear Interfering and Insecure BM (lol)...just kidding.

Dear ex,

As you know, our phone is also my work phone. Therefore it must remain open and available for work-related issues at all times. The frequent telephone calls from you to our child is interfering with work. In addition, our child is not here for very long and I would like to spend as much uninterrupted time as possible with her as that time is precious.

I do, however, understand the importance of your maintaining telephone contact with our child. Therefore, I would like to suggest a time on the weekends for one phone call, perhaps around 7:30 right before bed (*insert time here*). [I would make it right before bed about 15 minutes so when it is bedtime, it is a way to get her off the phone with a good reason] I would like to find a time that is suitable to both homes so if you have another suggestion for a time, please advise.

During week day visitation, given that she is only here for a few hours, I am sure you can understand why phone calls doing these short visits are not necessary and interfere in my time with her. They also render my work phone unavailable which is a problem.

Of course, if there is ever any emergency, you are welcome to call me. However, I think it best for my job and our daughter that we maintain some consistency with regard to uninterrupted time for the both of us with our child and telephone calls.

Thanks,
Dad
-------------------

Dh's ex always interfered in dh's time for the first several years. She'd send a card for them to open up everyday they were here with pictures of her in it. She's schedule dance for my sd on the weekend and was adamant about taking her and being there...then she'd come back to drop her off and she (the ex) would be crying on my front porch and holding onto my sd like she was sending her off for a month rather than one more night. She had the kids a mess with missing her.

Of course, she started her manipulations BEFORE they even came over. She'd be crying at her house before dad would get there, telling them how much she missed them and how she cried when they weren't with her. When dh would pick the kids up, she'd stand at the end of the driveway and cry. She'd stand there until dh was down the street and around the corner looking pathetic.

She really warped the kids. All three therapists the kids have gone to (it's no wonder after what she's done to them) all told us and her that she was causing them problems with her behavior. The court told her not to come outside during the exchanges, etc. It's not short-term either. My stepkids are teenagers and they are still messed up. They still don't like leaving their mother alone (she's never dated since dh split with her over 13.5 years ago). We see them now a couple times a year and that is it.

If interference is allowed to continue and emotionally affect the child, it isn't a short-term problem. It can cause havoc on your relationship with the child in the long-term too.
post #22 of 24

interference

Since it is also a work phone, I would most definitely use that!

I would have dad tell bio-mom something along the lines of ...

Dear Interfering and Insecure BM (lol)...just kidding.

Dear ex,

As you know, our phone is also my work phone. Therefore it must remain open and available for work-related issues at all times. The frequent telephone calls from you to our child is interfering with work. In addition, our child is not here for very long and I would like to spend as much uninterrupted time as possible with her as that time is precious.

I do, however, understand the importance of your maintaining telephone contact with our child. Therefore, I would like to suggest a time on the weekends for one phone call, perhaps around 7:30 right before bed (*insert time here*). [I would make it right before bed about 15 minutes so when it is bedtime, it is a way to get her off the phone with a good reason] I would like to find a time that is suitable to both homes so if you have another suggestion for a time, please advise.

During week day visitation, given that she is only here for a few hours, I am sure you can understand why phone calls doing these short visits are not necessary and interfere in my time with her. They also render my work phone unavailable which is a problem.

Of course, if there is ever any emergency, you are welcome to call me. However, I think it best for my job and our daughter that we maintain some consistency with regard to uninterrupted time for the both of us with our child and telephone calls.

Thanks,
Dad
-------------------

Dh's ex always interfered in dh's time for the first several years. She'd send a card for them to open up everyday they were here with pictures of her in it. She's schedule dance for my sd on the weekend and was adamant about taking her and being there...then she'd come back to drop her off and she (the ex) would be crying on my front porch and holding onto my sd like she was sending her off for a month rather than one more night. She had the kids a mess with missing her.

Of course, she started her manipulations BEFORE they even came over. She'd be crying at her house before dad would get there, telling them how much she missed them and how she cried when they weren't with her. When dh would pick the kids up, she'd stand at the end of the driveway and cry. She'd stand there until dh was down the street and around the corner looking pathetic.

She really warped the kids. All three therapists the kids have gone to (it's no wonder after what she's done to them) all told us and her that she was causing them problems with her behavior. The court told her not to come outside during the exchanges, etc. It's not short-term either. My stepkids are teenagers and they are still messed up. They still don't like leaving their mother alone (she's never dated since dh split with her over 13.5 years ago). We see them now a couple times a year and that is it.

If interference is allowed to continue and emotionally affect the child, it isn't a short-term problem. It can cause havoc on your relationship with the child in the long-term too.
post #23 of 24
When my two are with their Dad for a w/e, I don't call them. When they're with him for a week or more, I call once a week. They do have their cells, though, so they tend to text me in the evening, usually before they go to bed. While *technically* they are free to call whenever they choose (that works both ways), it's been made clear to them that it annoys their Dad when they do. (We actually had a time several years ago when #2 went over to his neighbor's and used their phone to call me so that Dad wouldn't know.)

Personally, I could easily talk to them for an hour or more each day, but don't think it's fair when they're with him.

When they're home, I encourage them to call their Dad whenever they have something interesting going on, whether with school, extracurriculars or personally. They prefer to limit themselves to a call a week as they've found that he's difficult to reach, doesn't return their calls, and isn't really interested in what they have to say.
post #24 of 24
Is it possible to forward your ex's calls to another phone that has the ringer turned off? You should be able to forward certain phone numbers to another phone #. Then, at certain times your dh can call his ex and reassure her everything is o.k. , but no, she cannot talk to her daughter right now because she is outside/busy doing X. Then he can tell his ex a time their child can call her back.

We have another phone line in our basement in my dhs' office so all his exs' ph #'s are forwarded to that phone and they are easy to ignore. Same thing happenned with us. Her frequent and abusive calls were getting pretty bad. Things have calmed down a lot since she realized we were not at her beck and call on the phone.
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