Parents in classroom to ease separation anxiety? - Page 2

[faithfulmama]

The school we're looking at has 2 way mirrors in all the classrooms so that parents can observe without disturbing the classroom. However they don't want you to observe until after the 6-8 week normalization period.

[RomanGoddess]

I think it is okay for parents to be there during an "adaptation period" of a few days at the beginning of the year, while the children adapt. The time they spend there should be progressively smaller each day. After that, the parents should scram for all the reasons that the teachers express.

[Anandamama]

Originally Posted by KBecks

I mostly trust that, although I'm afraid they're going to be harsh with him. I have little grounds for that worry though, I just want my son treated well and have some trust issues. I hope I love his teacher when I meet her at the new families picnic next week.

So I guess you weren't able to observe the class and teacher during the last school year? That's too bad, because it would probably have alleviated your worries. Maybe they'll let you observe earlier, especially if they have a one-way mirror you can watch through. And especially if you promise to give them some slack and not be too judgemental during the initial, sometimes chaotic first months! Do you know any of the parents of the other children in the class, who have been there for a while, who you can get references from? That's another advantage of having the kids there for 3 years - the parents get to know the teacher pretty well, and visa-versa.

[mama2cal&darby]

I personally think it depends on your child. My DS is highly sensitive/high needs and has a very hard time separating. He started pre-school when he was 3 and I purposefully chose a school that would allow me to stay. I stayed all class, every class for 3 months until he seemed to have formed a strong enough attachment to one of his teachers, then I started leaving him.

I can't speak for other children, but I know for my own Ds, dropping him and leaving would be a complete DISASTER!!!

[honeybee]

Originally Posted by 3girlmom

I don't think being comfortable with leaving your children means you care for them with any less intensity than the parents who have trouble separating. I think it's dangerous to suggest that some children are so precious or so much more attached to their parents that they can't be expected to conform to drop-off procedures.

Oh, please. Nobody said that other parents being comfortable leaving their children means "you care for them with any less intensity." Where did anyone even imply that?? And, it's not about children being "so precious" or "more attached." It's about personality and temperament differences, and how the same cookie-cutter approach does not work for every child. That's one of the things I love about Montessori, that children are allowed to proceed at their own pace academically... why should it be any different in the arena of adapting to a new classroom?

I'm pretty sure that by the time ds2 is ready to start school, I'll be able to just drop him off at the door. He has a different personality than ds1, and he'll have a lot more familiarity with the whole school routine by that time.

Yes, I think parents can err on staying a little too long, or not giving their kids enough credit to be able to cope without them, or can impart some of their own anxieties. Especially when it's your first child. But I would expect a teacher to help guide me with that, and tell me how my child reacts after I leave, and how they are the rest of the day (which ds's teacher did do), rather than just say "Parents can't come in, I don't care what you think or feel is best for your dc, I know better because I'm the TEACHER." I don't think I would trust a school/teacher with that kind of attitude.

It has been mentioned over and over on this board that Montessori is not a licensed term, and anyone can slap that label on their school. I did some investigating before choosing to send ds there, and my initial impression of the teacher after a couple of observations was very favorable... but I guess I am just not that trusting that I'm going to assume my child will be in great hands after a couple of observations. Look at past threads, and you'll find some horror stories from parents... and they were mostly in so-called "Montessori" schools that did not really practice the philosophy.

And, observing an already well-established, working classroom in the spring, and having ds meet the teacher once or twice in a huge crowd of parents and children during an open house, really did not help prepare us for knowing how they cope with start-of-school adjustments. My ds has never done well in crowds of unfamiliar people. That's just him.

It only took me observing the classroom teacher for about 15 minutes the first couple of days, to feel comfortable leaving him, even though he was sad about it. I'm so thankful ds has a teacher who is non-judgmental about the parents as well as the students, and is able to gently guide and help parents know that, yes, their dcs really can do things on their own, and we'll be here to support them and you. I learned so much from ds's teacher last year!

[Koloe]

Just got the orientation papers in the mail today.

Parent meeting the Tuesday before classes start. Child care provided.

New child orientation the Thursday before classes start - 1 hour long. A meet other new families and see the classroom.

The first 2 days of school are for 1 hour each instead of the normal 2.5 hours. Looks like they might space the new kids into 2 groups - but I'm not sure on that. They have a "Your Child's Time slot is:" and then they hand wrote the time in.


My only problem with all of this is I'm either going to be unemployed and have all the time in the world but no money or starting a new job with unknown hours. Ugh!

[straighthaircurly]

IT DEPENDS ON THE CHILD! For my son, having me spend a few minutes in the class as he gets oriented has been a life saver. If I tried to eave right away he would cling and fuss. And if a teacher insisted that I leave then he would carry on crying and stressing out for quite a long time. But if I went into the room with him and waited a short time until he was engaged in an activity then he would wave me out of the room or completely ignore me when I said goodbye. This process might take 15 minutes the first week and five minutes beyond that. As result of meeting his needs he is now very confident in new settings and knows that I will never abandon him if he finds himself in a scary situation. Compare that to my DH who stills has vivid nightmares of being "dumped" in preschool, his mom leaving him at the door to the room even though he was sobbing and scared. He didn't ever stop crying and after 2 weeks the teachers said he shouldn't come anymore. Then in K the same thing happened but at that point in his life he had to just tough it out. But he still has abandonment issues and ended up hating school.

I purposely picked early childhood programs and preschools for my DS based on the teacher's attitudes about parents in classrooms. I always want to feel like I am respected for my knowledge of what my child needs and always want to feel welcome in the classroom. In MN we have a wonderful early childhood program (ECFE) that does the separation in stages. The first 18 mo you are always in the classroom with your child. Then you have classes where you are together the first half of class and then leave for 1 hour for a parenting class. In the 3-4 yo preschool class, you spend the 1st hour of the first day each week together in the classroom then you leave for parenting class. The 2nd day of the week is a day that you drop the child off at the door. It makes for a nice transition.

[KBecks]

Originally Posted by Anandamama

So I guess you weren't able to observe the class and teacher during the last school year? That's too bad, because it would probably have alleviated your worries. Maybe they'll let you observe earlier, especially if they have a one-way mirror you can watch through. And especially if you promise to give them some slack and not be too judgemental during the initial, sometimes chaotic first months! Do you know any of the parents of the other children in the class, who have been there for a while, who you can get references from? That's another advantage of having the kids there for 3 years - the parents get to know the teacher pretty well, and visa-versa.

Our observations during the tour were very brief, only a few minutes in two of the three CH classrooms, which I think was best for the kids because we didn't want to disrupt them. There aren't one way mirrors in 2 of the classrooms, including the one my son is probably in.

I'm going through regular new parent anxiety and handing over my son to someone new for 5 mornings a week is a big leap of faith. We are going to a new family picnic tonight where I'll get to meet his teacher and assistant teacher and I'm hopeful that I'll love everyone and feel much better.

I have talked to other families via email that I searched via local online communities and have heard largely wonderful feedback. I feel good about our choice but the transition may still be hard on me!