Just whining...indulge me? Sorry it's long...

[paradoxia13]

So, my wonderful son, who is 19 months old tomorrow was conceived via IVF. It was a hard road, the whole infertility business. Lots of tears, stress, money, depression. BUT, we finally were pregnant. I felt broken and let down by the way it had to happen, but it happened.

We planned a birth center birth with a wonderful midwife. Natural, waterbirth. Taking back my body. At least being able to do some of it naturally. At 36 weeks he turned breech. Nothing worked to turn him. My midwife was fine with a breech birth and we just kept chugging ahead.

42 weeks, still pregnant, no signs of labor. So, I went to my backup OB for an NST. My water broke while there with dark mec. staining. They pushed for a section. I was done, broken, tired, defeated. A quick call to my midwife and she agreed that this was probably just where we were at right now, and she rushed across town (no easy thing in Los Angeles) to be there with me, and to help support my husband in fending off all the newborn procedures after my son was born.

I spent months trying to come to peace with the section. I healed well and easily. My son is big and healthy. We had some problems getting started breastfeeding, but, all and all, the experience was as good as a section can be.

But mostly...I just felt broken. Couldn't get pregnant on my own. Couldn't birth on my own.

We always knew we wanted 2 children. So, my plan was sometime around the 15-16 month mark we'd go talk to my RE and lay out a timeline for IVF number 2. But, SURPRISE! Months sooner, in December I discovered I as 7 weeks pregnant - on my own! No drugs, no interventions, nothing! We hadn't been keeping track, hadn't been preventing anything, as we thought there was no point. We were thrilled. Stunned. Overwhelmed. But mostly, I felt myself starting to heal...maybe not so broken after all. Just a bump in the road.

I searched and searched and found some wonderful homebirth midwifes, and began planning my HBAC. I've never felt scared, or worried. I've never been nervous, or felt like I couldn't do it. It's been a mostly peaceful pregnancy and I've been so thankful for my chance to mentally heal.

Well. Here we are 40 weeks and 3 days, or 40 weeks and 5 days depending on the EDD I choose. Baby hasn't dropped. Labor hasn't started. It feels like nothing is going on.

And as much as I can tell myself that my water never even broke until 42 weeks with my son, and maybe that's how long I gestate, I'm still feeling scared. I'm still getting depressed. Feeling defeated, and just....ugh...should I just give up? Should I just accept I'm broken? How long do I wait? Why hasn't she dropped? She's head down at least...but what's happening...besides a whole lot of nothing?

I'm letting myself feel broken again and I hate it. Blah...it's just a bad day. And my toddler is being insane and I'm just....blah....

Thanks for letting me rant and whine...I just needed to throw it all out I guess.

*sigh*

~heather

[JennaW]

Just wanted to let you know that I read your post, even if I don't know what it is like to be in your shoes.

My baby was born at 42 weeks and I didn't have any labor signs until the day of labor (I was induced but I had already gone into labor).

I did do acupuncture which I believe helped get things going.

I hope you meet your baby soon, I bet everything is going to go wonderful.

[yamilee21]

s and more s Although I did not go through IVF to conceive, I certainly identify with the "broken body" feeling of having had a section. I don't know how long I would have gestated with my son; he was extracted at 41 weeks, 5 days, after 2 1/2 days of induction that did absolutely nothing. I went into this pregnancy expecting to "go late" and I did, 42 weeks and 5 days. My HBAC, while not the birth I had dreamed of, worked out without my doing anything to induce labour (besides allowing the midwife to strip the membranes past 42 weeks). My daughter had what in a hospital would have been considered "a lot" of meconium and would have probably ended up in the NICU, but in reality it was nothing that the midwife couldn't handle, and she is fine. Around 41 weeks, I posted to ICAN about feeling a bit discouraged and worried, and so many women wrote back to tell me of their 42+ weeks VBACs and HBACs; just knowing that long gestations do happen and are normal was a big help in those last days.

[boatswainwife]

[madiesmommy]

Hugs. Sounds like you have had a lot of trials conceiving and laboring in the past. I hope that your delivery this time is just like how you conceived - a surprise that is a real blessing!!

[paradoxia13]

Originally Posted by yamilee21

s and more s Although I did not go through IVF to conceive, I certainly identify with the "broken body" feeling of having had a section. I don't know how long I would have gestated with my son; he was extracted at 41 weeks, 5 days, after 2 1/2 days of induction that did absolutely nothing. I went into this pregnancy expecting to "go late" and I did, 42 weeks and 5 days. My HBAC, while not the birth I had dreamed of, worked out without my doing anything to induce labour (besides allowing the midwife to strip the membranes past 42 weeks). My daughter had what in a hospital would have been considered "a lot" of meconium and would have probably ended up in the NICU, but in reality it was nothing that the midwife couldn't handle, and she is fine. Around 41 weeks, I posted to ICAN about feeling a bit discouraged and worried, and so many women wrote back to tell me of their 42+ weeks VBACs and HBACs; just knowing that long gestations do happen and are normal was a big help in those last days.

Thank you for that. I guess I have it in my head, no matter how wrong it may be, that 42 weeks = things won't work. It was 42 weeks exactly that I had the section with my son, so as we putter along here with no progress I just feel like I have this big looming deadline.

I'm just tired and discouraged. I want this to happen so badly, ya know?

~h