I cannot believe what my kids did... - Page 3

[2mama]

Did you ask them why they did it? Was it for a thrill? Was it to scare you.? I know you said no drugs/ alcohol was involved, but was there sex???

Just wondering..

[Daniel's Kitty]

My friends use to sneak out to sit and talk. I lived far enough away that I didn't want to. I did go sit out on the patio for hours when my parents thought I was sleeping (I had to sit in my dark room if I was awake since the light under my door was bright enough to wake my parents) I still wouldn't tell my parents I did it, even though I still don't see that I did anything wrong.

[rhubarbarin]

Okay, no offense to anyone, and I don't have kids yet.. but why is going out in the middle of the night (in the summer, it's not as though they'd be exhausted at school) such a big deal? If smoking or drinking were involved, I could understand consequences.. but there was no smoking or drinking.

Going out to meet your friends in the middle of the night just makes me think of Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer (although come to think of it, they got themselves into trouble with their night prowling - witnessed a murdur!). Very much a right of passage.
Is it really so much more unsafe in the dark? I know there are a lot of what-ifs but I don't think kids need to be on lockdown until they are 18. It's not that much more dangerous now than it was 30 years ago.

I live a mile from the city limits of Philadelphia (for those of you that haven't heard-we have a terrible crime problem around here, with hundreds of people shot every year), in a good neighborhood but still with plenty of crime. When I was a teenager (and I lived in the city, in a worse neighborhood) I used to go out at night all the time. Not anywhere very public, but to the park to swing, to my friends house to talk, etc.. nothing bad ever happened to me. In fact I don't think I ever saw an adult. I still love to be out at night, it's so peaceful and quiet, and things look so different.

[nora--not a llama]

Originally Posted by UUMom

Really? What's the point? It's sound bacterial-y.

I think you did a great job handling everything, Momma. My oldest dd is 12, so I'm rather nervous for the years ahead.

[GooeyRN]

Isn't there a curfew in most area's, meaning it is illegal for kids to be outside of a house without a guardian after certain area's? If it is illegal, there could be possible fines. Also, many parents don't sleep well themselves if they do not know that their kids are home/at a friends home/relatives home and safe. I don't think I could sleep if I was unsure of where my kids were at night. Nor do I want them waking me up to tell me where they are going. If it is summer, they have all day and evening to hang out with friends. Between midnight and 6am there really don't NEED to be out socializing if it may cost the legal guardians a fine or loss of sleep causing issues at their jobs.

[wytchywoman]

Originally Posted by rhubarbarin

Okay, no offense to anyone, and I don't have kids yet.. but why is going out in the middle of the night (in the summer, it's not as though they'd be exhausted at school) such a big deal? If smoking or drinking were involved, I could understand consequences.. but there was no smoking or drinking.
.

For starters it is against the law. I don't even need to ask what city she is in to know that those kids violated curfew laws. Like it or not, curfew laws exist in any town and you can choose to have your kids obey the law or not.
i think the biggest issue here, aside from safety, is the sneaking part. They never bothered to ask ( as far as i can tell they didn't) if they could go, and any kid knows better than to sneak out of the house in the middle of the night without even asking permission or at letting someone know where they were going. The fact that they didn't request permission pretty much tells me that they had info that mom and dad probably wouldn't be cool with. I consider myself to be a relatively liberal mom, and even I wouldn't allow my sons to go out, middle of the night, bunch of kids, unsupervised. this smacks of a set up for some very poor judgement making. As a mom it's my job to set limits until I know my son is capable of making appropriate decisions by himself.

[tayndrewsmama]

Originally Posted by GooeyRN

Isn't there a curfew in most area's, meaning it is illegal for kids to be outside of a house without a guardian after certain area's? If it is illegal, there could be possible fines. Also, many parents don't sleep well themselves if they do not know that their kids are home/at a friends home/relatives home and safe. I don't think I could sleep if I was unsure of where my kids were at night. Nor do I want them waking me up to tell me where they are going. If it is summer, they have all day and evening to hang out with friends. Between midnight and 6am there really don't NEED to be out socializing if it may cost the legal guardians a fine or loss of sleep causing issues at their jobs.

I have to say that most of what we were doing at that time of night wasn't stuff we could pull off in the middle of the day. I won't lie. I was definitely into quite a bit of mischief. It was only illegal because of my age, most of the time. Nothing like theft or damaging kind of stuff though.

[MadameXCupcake]

I'm 20 so I guess this wasn't too long ago for me.
I snuck out at night, we just hung out outside and talked.
Its different at night, no adults watching you, not like we did anything wrong[besides the sneaking out].

Once my parents found out, [they over saw me talking to some one on line!] ugh.
They didn't really care, they just said behave, I didn't really 'sneak out' after that. Just hung out later in the yard.
In the summer all the neighborhood kids hung out till midnight-2am, it was summer, we usually sat in some ones yard/garage or the cul-de-sac.

This was only five years ago so its not like it was 'safer back then'
My daughter is only four months so we have a long ways to go. I dont think it will be a huge deal if there are no drugs/drinking etc. Mild punishment, repeated offenses are a different story. xD

[UptownZoo]

Originally Posted by 2mama

Did you ask them why they did it? Was it for a thrill? Was it to scare you.? I know you said no drugs/ alcohol was involved, but was there sex???

Just wondering..

No, I don't think there was any sex. I think they just got a charge out of doing something forbidden.

Originally Posted by rhubarbarin

Is it really so much more unsafe in the dark? I know there are a lot of what-ifs but I don't think kids need to be on lockdown until they are 18. It's not that much more dangerous now than it was 30 years ago.

Trust me on this: my kids are not living anything resembling a prison life. (Well, right now they kinda are, but not usually. ) They have the run of the neighborhood, high quality bikes, and bus passes. The deal is, though, that a parent must always know where they are.

It's not gonna be OK with me for my kids to be out running around from 3-5 am for a looong time. And yes, there is a curfew here, plus, the park is closed at 10 pm. I'm surprised that the cops didn't bring them home, and grateful to my toes that nothing bad happened to them.

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by rhubarbarin

Is it really so much more unsafe in the dark? I know there are a lot of what-ifs but I don't think kids need to be on lockdown until they are 18. It's not that much more dangerous now than it was 30 years ago.

In 1978, My friend and I "camped" in her backyard. We had money, and at about 1:00 a.m, we snuck out of the yard and walked to 7-11.

We cut across the international business college to get to the 7-11. In Phoenix, back then, there weren't a lot of people, so it never occurred to us, that we would run into anyone.

But, we did.

We disrupted a small group of homeless men sleeping in a circular garden that we walked through.

They waited for us to come back, and they must have assumed we wouldn't walk back the same way. So, they waited along the fence for us. I got away, and ran into the neighborhood and tried to ring doorbells, but nobody came to the doors. (this was before 911 and cell phones) I went back and found my friend. She was walking down the road alone, but crying, and had scrapes on her arms and knees. She said she got away, but I don't know if that is true. I just said "O.K" and we walked home and never told anybody.

But, we never did that again.

[OhDang]

I don't have a teenager, but i do nanny a 10 year old and I was a teenager not too long ago..heck I am 19.

I snuck out to the park that young too. We didn't do anything bad, we ran through the sprinklers that were on and just hung out. it was sooo much fun. The rush is just so much fun.
Im sure they are still great kids. It's probably going to be a fun memory for the rest of their lives for them even though they got in trouble.

Unfortunatly, it is going to happen. It just is. I highly doubt there is any one person that isn't going to try to do something, even if it's as innocent as going to the park at night, behind their parents back.
You just have to make sure they have a good head on their shoulders, and not going to give into peer pressure. Especially if there were 16-17 year olds there. That is the part that scared me the most.

[Meg_s]

I used to sneak out all.the.time, and drag my little sisters and friends along with me. It was just fun. I honestly did not see any danger or badness, I just found it so exciting to be walking around in the middle of the night. Such an adventure. I wasn't caught... until one day I did it when I was 12, and my parents were away overnight and I walked around downtown instead of by the river and the police caught us. ANyway, all we did was "go around" and feel adventurous, no drinking, vandalism etc.

[rabrog]

Getting the alarm fixed and not giving them the code is the darn right thing to do. I did some pretty stupid stuff in my teen years...really shouldn't be here but for the grace of God. I know it might not feel good to not give your kids the code, but you'll know where they're at.

You handled it very well, IMHO.

Jenn

[mamahart]

Well, when you get to the part where you start giving them GOOD ideas about whats fun- y'know other than wandering the streets in the middle of the night- just encourage them to stick together and be there for each other. I was very close with my cousins and we all had different versions of "fun" and the wiser among us were always protective of the the others. We got each other out of some tight jams, and went to our parents a few times when it felt like one of my cousins was in danger. Family is just a great safety net in those wild times.
It would be very generous and compassionate to plan a late night party for them once they regain thier privileges. There is something magical about 2 or 3 in the morning...But y'know I'm being pretty kid centered here...just thinking.

[PGTlatte]

I started sneaking out at a young age and continued until I was almost 17. Some of it was just fun and really innocent, and sadly, some of it was not I never had the experience of getting caught. If my parents knew about it, they never addressed it. I suspect they might have known I was leaving but since I always came home and never seemed to have anything really bad going on, decided to let it go. Appearances can be deceiving. I could have benefited from more guidance.

I think it's a good sign that your kids went out together. I also think it's nice they were caught, and that you let them know that it is not ok with you and that you take it very seriously. Good love and limits.

We live in a cul-de-sac and the neighbors across the street have teens. They have friends over and hang out in the cul-de-sac until around 2 am many nights during the summer. We don't mind at all. They are not overly noisy. They usually stop the loud activities (like the skateboard ramp or basketball) by about 10:30 or so and spend the rest of the time just hanging out and talking. We think it's great they have a place to hang out where the parents are home, nothing dangerous or illegal is taking place, and they have the freedom to enjoy being out late in a safe way.

[Hippie Mama in MI]

Yeah, my brotehr and I snuck out as kids too. Mostly doing dumb stuff like turning picnic tables upside down and throwing park swings up over the top bar so the kids wouldn't be able to reach them. We often tried to get alcohol but almost never had any luck (thank goodness it's so hard for kids to get booze, lol). The worst thing we ever did was steal a park canoe (there for drowning emergencies) and take it across a lake.

However, we lived in a very rural area (population 8,000). In a city you could definitely get into a lot more trouble.

[MillingNome]

Originally Posted by UptownZoo

Trust me on this: my kids are not living anything resembling a prison life. (Well, right now they kinda are, but not usually. ) They have the run of the neighborhood, high quality bikes, and bus passes. The deal is, though, that a parent must always know where they are.

It's not gonna be OK with me for my kids to be out running around from 3-5 am for a looong time. And yes, there is a curfew here, plus, the park is closed at 10 pm. I'm surprised that the cops didn't bring them home, and grateful to my toes that nothing bad happened to them.

It would not be ok for my 14yr old either and I am as lenient as they come. I look at it as a matter of common courtesy that we live together and let each other know where we are. When I go out, the others know where I am and who I am with. Same goes all the way around. Details can be left out as needed but not where you are and when you will be back. Because part of being in a family is caring for each other, it makes sense to honor that care by letting them know what's up. IMO- it's not fair to scare the crap out of someone who loves you (and vise versa) like that.

[sweetpeppers]

Originally Posted by granolapunk

wow. maybe you guys could plan a middle of the night party with the kids? the adults could take turns supervising? it could be a lot of fun and kind of take away the mystery/excitement/thrill of sneaking out in the middle of the night.

glad they are all safe!

Good idea. We used to sneak out all the time in the summer when we were kids. It was no big deal. It was just fun. Maybe you could talk to them about your concerns and why it's dangerous.

[AlmightyIsis]

I started sneaking out at 14 (drinking started at 12). I'm glad you care enough about your kids to give them consequences. I think the saddest thing is the loss of a sense of trust. They have to understand that they'll have to earn your trust back. Also, my main M.O. was doing the ol' "i'm spending the night at J's house" and she'd tell her parents she was spending the night at mine.

Good luck!

[PGTlatte]

Did that ALL the time. Neither parent would ever bother to check in with the other. We were up to serious no good, and once we were driving age and had vehicles to use, it was REALLY out of control. It makes my hair stand on end now to think about it. I feel fortunate to have got through it all with nothing horrible happening. Not everyone I was acquainted with then was so lucky

Parental intervention and guidance would have gone a long way. The other kids I was doing this stuff with.....we all had pretty much total freedom. Our parents weren't involved much in our lives, weren't asking questions, weren't checking up, etc. At the time I didn't find that alarming. Now, I do, very much so. Just like the public service thing on TV says, it really matters to ask who, where, what, when, and follow up. Kids may not like it at the time, but on some level they will understand that you love them and care what happens to them.

Originally Posted by AlmightyIsis

Also, my main M.O. was doing the ol' "i'm spending the night at J's house" and she'd tell her parents she was spending the night at mine.