My 12 year old DD for the most part is a great kid. I think she is a pretty typical 12 year old who give me attitude/back talk/eye rolls sometimes, but about what you would expect for a kid her age. Most of the time she is really nice be be around.
What I am struggling with with her lately is her attitudes about her friends. She is SOOOO easily offended and is deeply wounded by words that most people would probably let roll off of their backs. I try to be empathic and listen whe she is upset about something one of her friends did or said, but I often find it very hard to understand the depth of the annoyance/insult/hurt/etc. that she is feeling.
There are several friends that she finds so annoying that she will no longer spend time with them. Some of these kids are the children of my friends and that is very awkward. She has mostly talked about it with me and has not said to the friends that she doesn't want to be around them. She just tries to avoid situations where they will be.
I don't want to push her into relationships that she doesn't want to be in, but she is so quick to write someone off because they say or do something that she doesn't like. She will also be so deeply wounded if someone says or does something that hurts her feelings that she is in a funk for days over it.
She is very perfectionistic about her school work and anything she attempts to do. If she can't do it on the first try she is very upset with herself. I think her perfectionism is affecting her relationships and her expectations of her friends are at such a high standard that no one will be able to meet them. DH and I try very hard to let her know that we don't expect perfection, but it is such a deeply rooted trait with her.
How can I help her to be more tolerant and embrace personality quirks and differences in others without invalidating her feelings? I want her to understand that people will never be able to be perfect in relationships, but that we can work through conflicts, embrace different attitudes and opinions, and have rich relationships even when we don't agree with everything someone says or does.
What I am struggling with with her lately is her attitudes about her friends. She is SOOOO easily offended and is deeply wounded by words that most people would probably let roll off of their backs. I try to be empathic and listen whe she is upset about something one of her friends did or said, but I often find it very hard to understand the depth of the annoyance/insult/hurt/etc. that she is feeling.
There are several friends that she finds so annoying that she will no longer spend time with them. Some of these kids are the children of my friends and that is very awkward. She has mostly talked about it with me and has not said to the friends that she doesn't want to be around them. She just tries to avoid situations where they will be.
I don't want to push her into relationships that she doesn't want to be in, but she is so quick to write someone off because they say or do something that she doesn't like. She will also be so deeply wounded if someone says or does something that hurts her feelings that she is in a funk for days over it.
She is very perfectionistic about her school work and anything she attempts to do. If she can't do it on the first try she is very upset with herself. I think her perfectionism is affecting her relationships and her expectations of her friends are at such a high standard that no one will be able to meet them. DH and I try very hard to let her know that we don't expect perfection, but it is such a deeply rooted trait with her.
How can I help her to be more tolerant and embrace personality quirks and differences in others without invalidating her feelings? I want her to understand that people will never be able to be perfect in relationships, but that we can work through conflicts, embrace different attitudes and opinions, and have rich relationships even when we don't agree with everything someone says or does.
