Not Having Birthday Party for DD = Mean Parents - Page 2

[lindberg99]

Wow, that is just bizarre that people are calling and asking when a party is. Are these family? I just can't imagine calling up the parents of one of my kids's friends and asking when their child's party is. It is nobody's business what you do for her birthday.

If it is grandparents or other relatives asking, tell them that you would be more than happy to let them throw your daughter a huge b-day party at their house! Give them the name of her 30 closest friends and let them have at it.

[chfriend]

Does your dd want a party?

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by lindberg99

Wow, that is just bizarre that people are calling and asking when a party is. Are these family? I just can't imagine calling up the parents of one of my kids's friends and asking when their child's party is. It is nobody's business what you do for her birthday.

If it is grandparents or other relatives asking, tell them that you would be more than happy to let them throw your daughter a huge b-day party at their house! Give them the name of her 30 closest friends and let them have at it.

I dont think its bizarre at all, and the OP said it was family and friends who want to know. I could totally see me calling my sister and saying "So....what are we doing for A's birthday?" if she hadnt mentioned plans. If she said "Oh, she doesnt want a party this year" i'd say ok, and see if i could maybe take her out to lunch and give her a gift.

Maybe they just wanted to plan for the party, if there was going to be one? Maybe they thought they missed an invite? Its not "bizarre" unless it was some random friend the family barely knows. But i didnt get that impression.


Katherine

[erinsmom1996]

There's nothing wrong with a small, family "party". Some years, we have had just that and others we had family over and other we had friends and family over. It depends on what she wants and what is feasible for us to do at that time. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for not having a huge party - sometimes I think those extreme parties are more to show off or for the adults than for the kids!

[mamatoablessing]

I don't think every year has to be celebrated with a party at all. We are already planning to not throw b-day parties next year for the girls and let them pick some place special they'd like to go instead (zoo, waterpark, movie, disney, etc.) for just the immediate family. I certainly don't want our kids to think that every year means a big blow out. Birthdays are special but don't necessarily need to be celebrated with lots of people and lots of presents. It's important for kids to understand that there are many ways to celebrate. JMO, I think having some cupcakes and singing at home is party enough.

[olliepop]

If your house isnt "visitor ready", you could always go out to dinner, or hold a small dinner at a relatives home (we always have gatherings/holidays at my mom's.)

Our house definitely isn't visitor ready. Our fridge is in our dining room, we have a makeshift kitchen in our living room and we have no powder room downstairs. It's hard enough making dinner for us -- let alone entertaining grandparents, aunts, and cousins.

But i think not having relatives over is a little different. I guess i'm just very close to my family, and can't imagine not sharing that day with them.

Yes, it's just us: dh, dd, ds, and me, which is why I said there was no party. If I said "small party," I thought people would be offended and think they were the only ones being excluded.

DD doesn't seem to mind. She gets to choose between a movie and lunch or museum and lunch during the day and then cupcakes and gifts after dinner.

If it is grandparents or other relatives asking, tell them that you would be more than happy to let them throw your daughter a huge b-day party at their house!

FTR, neither grandmother has offered. They each live 20 minutes away.

I say do what works for your family and tell the other people giving you a hard time to back off (I know, easier said than done.) It's your child's special day so really all that matters is how she feels about it.

Thankfully she doesn't seem to mind.

I don't think every year has to be celebrated with a party at all. We are already planning to not throw b-day parties next year for the girls and let them pick some place special they'd like to go instead (zoo, waterpark, movie, disney, etc.) for just the immediate family. I certainly don't want our kids to think that every year means a big blow out. Birthdays are special but don't necessarily need to be celebrated with lots of people and lots of presents. It's important for kids to understand that there are many ways to celebrate. JMO, I think having some cupcakes and singing at home is party enough.

My sentiments exactly!

[Hoopin' Mama]

I think it is acceptable to say:
Everything is crazy this year and our kitchen is torn apart. We decided not to have a party and just have cake and ice cream on her bday after dinner.

If a family member is that upset they could come up with the idea of inviting you all over for a celebration at their house. I don't think there is any reason you should have to take everyone out to dinner or anything.

Originally Posted by queenjane

At first i thought you meant you werent having a party for friends...you werent inviting her whole class or whatever. But i think not having relatives over is a little different. I guess i'm just very close to my family, and can't imagine not sharing that day with them.

I think that really depends on the family dynamics. I wish wish wish there were a way I could only invite MIL to ds' bday celebration this year. Otherwise she automatically comes equipped with like 11 extra people (extended family of dh's stepdad) and last year it was ridiculously expensive to have them all here for a meal and cake. And a meal isn't optional since they all live about 1.5 hours away and stay for the day. And then, that was just the family party because the kid party had to be a different time since I was not going to subject ds' friends and their parents to a backyard full of people smoking So it all got crazy expensive and stressful and poor ds sat in the middle of the room with everyone shouting "open mine next" and he was so confused.
Ugh.