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birthday request for a locking cabinet - Page 2

post #21 of 27
Until my current DP pinksprkly's idea was actually my best idea ever. I lucked out in finding a man with less baggage than me and then my x took a hike and my kids love my DP almost as much as he loves them. It's hard work but it works wonderfully. I always expected to choose a scenario like the above post in order to put my children first without making myself miserable.
post #22 of 27
i dont think ive ever seen a thread take a more bizarre turn. lol!
post #23 of 27
I think splitting a family to maintain civil relationships is like covering up a symptom instead of fixing the problem.

I'm sure if the OP moved out that would open up a whole new set of issues. Having both parents on the same page, picking your battles, clear expectations for the kids, and counseling will be a healthier approach to the problem, imho.
post #24 of 27
Thread Starter 
Woah, this thread got nutty!

Listen, I don't think my family is a train-wreck. And to be fair, for the most part, I think we do pretty well. The kids usually get along with each other. I usually get along with my step-kids. I love my step-kids and DH loves his step-kids.

Most of all, I do not consider my family an "experiment." They're my FAMILY. All of them.

The locking cabinet, the shrine to the ex-wife, the 11 year-old with the attitude problem, the girls crying -- these are not deal-breakers, they're life. And if I just wanted to throw in the towel, I wouldn't be here, seeking people's input. And as we all know, when you're in the middle of something difficult, it feels like it's taking over your life, even if - put into it's proper perspective - it's not.

So, back to the locking cabinet. To be clear, DSS already has a small locking BOX in which he keeps his allowance and a few keepsakes. I agree with previous posters that all children need a safe, private space for their treasures. I had a small locking box as a child and I loved it. We do not have a key to DSS's box.

What's he's asking for now is a CABINET. He saw one in a catalogue and pointed it out to DH. The dimensions are something like 4x3x2. It's pretty big.

In the grand scope of life, this is probably a battle I could choose not to fight (save for the part where DH hangs onto an extra key), but I don't like what it says for a member of a family to have such a large space in which to lock up belongings. I think it screams, "I don't trust any of you not to mess with my stuff, so I have to keep it locked up." I have a small, fire-proof box in which is locked important documents (birth certificates, SS cards, passports, etc), but other than that, I don't lock up my belongings. Until proven otherwise, I trust that my space will be respected.

Allowing one member of the family to have his own large space for locking stuff up feels like a step backwards in the "blending process." I think it reinforces not trusting one another, which is something DH and I are trying very hard to work through.
post #25 of 27
s to M_A Well said Mama.


And hmm... he already has a lock box? Then, personally, I would think a cabinet is a bit over the top. He should feel secure enough with his box... Now that sheds some more light...

I think the trust issue really needs to be addressed. *nods*
post #26 of 27
One locked space is enough, and I think you can tell him that. The fact that he already has a locked box changes things.
post #27 of 27
I'd be inclined to allow the cabinet. Yes, the trust issues need to be worked out but that seems like a different issue. He has real feelings; they come from somewhere; and I think it's worth acknowledging his desire while working on the trust issues. Might even make it easier. I'd be wary of making decisions based on it "being a step backward in the blending". Everything I've read about stepfamilies is that it's when people openly acknowledge that their family is not the same as the original, nuclear family and make compromises that recognize that that things moved forward. There's a book called "stepfamilies" that I found really helpful and addressed a lot of these issues.

I'm sure your family's not a train wreck Sounds like a normal, adjusting family in a new situation. Best of luck to you.
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