Deep Breaths... Need to vent and cry :( - Page 3

[GoodMomma]

Originally Posted by ~Ryleigh's Mommy~

just wanted to say, I've gotten a few pm's asking permission to copy and paste, that's fine with me even though I didn't gear it towards that purpose and I probably could have done a lot better job writing it if I knew it would be shared.
But I guess it doesn't bother me, other than making me a little embarrassed

Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't even think of asking permission...oops! And don't worry....I thought it was very well worded and hopefully will do some good considering it's coming from someone that works in that depts. Anyway, sorry again for not asking first.

[MommaLauraRN]

Wow...I could feel your words. When I was a new nurse working postpartum/newborn nursery, I assisted with one circumcision. I was already against them from the first one I witnessed in nursing school. The one that I assisted with, my role was the same as yours...to try to comfort the baby. I found that I just couldn't do it. I had a physical reaction to my own emotions I guess. I wanted to vomit and cry...it was awful. I stroked the baby's head and kept repeating, "You're okay, you're okay", while at the same time my mind was screaming that it was a lie...I totally feel where you're coming from. I became a conscientious objector, and over time I've gotten more confident and outspoken with my beliefs. I think the difference is really between our two workplaces. The culture where I work among the staff is much more anti-circumcision. When I take care of patients who are hell bent on circing, I always tell them that one or both parents really should be there. I tell them that their two voices are the only familiar voices to their baby and no one can comfort them like they can. I think it annoys some of the docs to have parents there, but I don't care. Plus I think the parents should have to witness the procedure their child has to endure...and I think the doctor will be more vigilent with letting the nerve block take effect etc. And please don't call yourself a peon. I hate when our LDAs (Labor and delivery assistants) do that--we're all part of the same team and none of us could go in and do our jobs without everybody else doing the same...and actually, I always tell our unit secretary that she's the one who's really in charge!

[maiaminna]

I second the pp's opinion that you probably will have reasons to feel you won't make a difference when you are a nurse, too. You have certain rights as an employee, and acting in spite of the intimidating environment, the mockery, etc. is the only way to bring about change. They don't expect you or anyone else to speak up, and sure, if you speak up, you'll probably suffer for it - but that is something to be proud of. Even that brings the issue out in the open, instead sustaining this fiction that everyone supports it.

“Every new idea is first ridiculed, then it is violently opposed, and finally it is accepted as common sense.”

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

[Oceanjones]

Thank you so much for sharing this and giving permission to pass it along to others.

I am so sorry for what you are going through

I considered going into nursing but knew I could never be apart of this type of a situation. even though I could work somewhere else if I DID become a nurse I'd want to be in the thick of things speaking up and would be so conflicted I'd go completely insane. So I'm going to be a lawyer and hope to work with ARC and be heavily involved in getting this outlawed. Period.

Thank you so much for being there for those sweet babies. Your post really touched my heart.

[ericswifey27]

Bump for you!

I am so sorry you are having to make this soul wrenching decision right now I could see how much it hurt you to be there and yet wanting to be there for comfort at the same time.

I plan on copying this and showing it to my sister. Maybe your words will help keep my nephew intact:

[RoxyJas]

I really, honestly, nearly vomited reading this! I can't even imagine. I will probably have nightmares tonight after reading this. Hugs to you. I don't know if you should try to endure 3 more years of this, that would have to wear on you emotionally, and take a toll on your mental health after awhile! WTH is wrong with these people???? This sounds like the kind of pain and torture that isn't even allowed on our worst enemies!

[Narn]

Originally Posted by ericswifey27

I plan on copying this and showing it to my sister. Maybe your words will help keep my nephew intact

That's my plan, too.

[QueenOfThePride]

Originally Posted by ~Ryleigh's Mommy~

To be clear, I don't actually take any part in the circ. I hold the sugar paci, comfort the baby, and stand by with suction and hold the head to the side to make sure the baby doesn't aspirate any vomit.

Oh dear God...

[Frootloop]

This tugged.. no, YANKED.. at my heartstrings so badly. I sat here reading this with my hand covering my open mouth and tears in my eyes. How unbelieveably heartbreaking this is for you and those babies!

You know, it's extremely difficult for me to watch a circumcision video, in fact, I've never gotten through one completely. I just can't force myself to do it. But to hear about it from your point of view? Wow. It just makes it worse. It's normal for us to put ourselves in the place of the baby boy and *feel* his pain and hurt for him.. but not many of us put ourselves in the place of someone like you. I can't even begin to imagine how painful this must be for you. I am so sorry that you're going through this.

I completely understand why you're torn on the issue of sticking it out. Part of me wants to tell you to get the hell out of there, but then there is the other part of me who feels that you almost need to be there.. as someone who can bring a bit of comfort to the baby, albeit a very small bit of comfort, but comfort nevertheless. If I knew it was going to happen anyway? Ugh.. I'm sitting here shaking my head, thinking, "I don't know.. I just.. I don't know", in regards to advice. I really just don't know what to tell you to do.. I simply can't imagine being in your position. I feel for you, I really do. But, I also commend you, as well. I know that there is no way I could do this. I would have walked out of the room and thrown up in the hallway.. which would do nothing whatsoever for the babies.
I do have to thank you so much for loving these babies enough to feel.. to really really FEEL the sadness and hurt for what they're going through and being a comfort to them. So many don't.

My only fear for you as far as sticking it out for 3 more years is that you'll become hardened. You may stop feeling and it may become *normal* to you. Our minds and hearts tend to toughen up and close off when we're continuously faced with something we're not able to deal with. I'm not saying that this would happen to you for sure, but it's definitely a possibility with pretty much any of us.

PLEASE don't be embarrassed about us copying your writings here! You have nothing whatsoever to be embarrassed about.. it's perfect the way it is. You wrote with your heart, and in this case, that's the best way to write about your experience. It only makes it all the more REAL..
***Big hugs*** to you, mama..