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Originally Posted by ~Megan~  I think your dh is nuts and doesn't get how much work it will be.
Why does he think your kids need huge parties every year anyway?
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I think he's a bit unrealistic about it too. He says last year they didn't get a big party and I guess it's bothered him -- I have no clue why as they were quite happy.
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Originally Posted by Kessed You're welcome to feel that way.
Personally I hate the idea of a babymoon.
The idea of being housebound for any length of time just doesn't do it for me.
Women aren't delicate... Babies aren't breakable. Why treat them that way?
Why treat birth like a disease that women need to 'recover' from. I home birth because I don't like the way that hospital treat pregnancy like a disease that you need to be rescued from. The whole babymoon thing is doing the same thing but from a 'traditional' viewpoint.
I stand by what I said... The world doesn't stop when you have a baby.
Would you stop taking your kids to school when a new baby came? If you were a single mom - would you stop buying groceries? How about your other kids? Do they have to be confined to the house too?
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What's wrong with a babymoon? Maybe I have the wrong understanding, but I thought a babymoon was where you take the time to bond your entire family with the new baby and not just rush into unnecessary activities. I'm looking forward to that bonding time and just having time in general to spend with my entire family. It's our time to work on routines and figure out the kinks in our schedules so that when I do have to go back to work our family can run as smoothly as possible. Does the world stop when a baby is born? No, but our family can stop and appreciate our new miracle even if the world is oblivious.
Birth isn't a disease and I don't think our version of a babymoon treats it like that in anyway. I'm looking at it as a special time for us all and yes hopefully I'll heal in the process too. Like it or not our bodies don't just bounce back by throwing on a sling and getting back into life. Your organs have been smushed and moved all over and it takes time to get your uterus back to a good size.. Things are happening in there whether you choose to acknowledge it or not.
I'm not saying I'm going to lay in bed for weeks on end, but I do know that as others have said I tend to bleed more and take longer to heal inside wise if I just bounce up and start going crazy. Having had a bit of PPD last time is making me err on the cautious side and for that reason my mother is coming to help out and make sure that I yes I am being taken care of since I always make sure everyone else is taken care of, but I forget about myself and so does everyone else around here. That's not to say that this is all about me. My birthday falls in between their birthdays, but there will be no huge party for my birthday and that wasn't mentioned at all since my multiple childrens' birthdays are what is important to me - making them feel special.
Will I stop taking my children to school and buying groceries? Actually I've been preparing for this time in our lives as much as I can. That's my job as a mother too -- add it to the list of my jobs ok? My freezer is stocked as much as it can be. Our toilet paper supplies are full, etc. My husband will be picking up the slack on any needed grocery buying and if schedules allow he will do the driving back and forth of the children. My 3 children all go to different schools on different parts of town at different/same times. Our lives are hectic enough just getting everyone where they need to be without adding on 2 huge unnecessary parties to the mix. My husband and I also work opposite shifts to avoid having our children in daycare.
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Originally Posted by Kessed Because it feel like the OP is wanting everything her about her. Kind of like a bride going all bridezilla about myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy day - she's giving the impression that the birth of the new baby is more important than celebrating the birth of her other children.
Obviously the kids want the big party. A LAN party isn't imagined by a parent out of a vacuum.
I don't understand why she can't compromise and find a solution that works for everyone. Vetoing any kind of individual celebration for her other children is just a slap in the face to them.
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Bridezilla? Are you serious? That's a completely unnecessary shot - woah. Anyway -- my kids actually don't want the party. My oldest is starting at a new school where he won't know anyone for at least a few weeks and he's barely starting there. He asked to go bowling so there ya go. My second oldest would be happy if you just let him play video games for hours on end since we don't allow them to play video games for hours on end. It's my husband, their father that wants it -- and knowing him he did imagine it out of a vacuum as you put it! I didn't veto individual celebrations/send the slap in the face message to my children.. I would happily have at home dinner celebrations with cake and presents for each with family members present. I seriously doubt they will have a therapist when they're older to deal with the pain I put them through by not having huge parties for each of them!
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Originally Posted by limabean Of course the essentials need to continue being done (although I, and pretty much every mom I know, invite help in the weeks immediately following giving birth -- my mom took my DS to school, and my SIL did the grocery shopping), but things like huge birthday parties simply don't fall into that "essential" category for me.
A nice family dinner followed by cake and presents is perfectly acceptable *anytime*, IMO, but particularly immediately following childbirth. You're welcome to do whatever you want after your kids' births, but that's the key -- you *want* it to be that way. I don't understand why you don't get that the OP *doesn't want to* extend herself to that degree so soon.
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Thank you!
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Originally Posted by AbbieB I can't believe the PPs saying that home birth is not a big deal and no big deal to recover from. I think that attitude is very insensitive and a bit belittling to to OP.
Every birth is unique. I had a home birth that took weeks to recover from and one that was smooth and easy. There is just no predicting.
Every new birth has an adjustment time. Momma is physically recovering from the physical state of pregnancy, the hard work of birth, and adjusting to the new baby. Let's not even get into the issues of nursing. This stuff takes time and often some peace and quiet.
OP, tell your husband to stick it. I think you have every right to say no parties in the house at this time. Talk to your soon to be big brothers about what they would like to do for their birthdays and see what they come up with. Big kid birthday parties can be held elsewhere or at another time. New baby's birthday "party" can not. This is a sensitive time for you and baby and I think your needs and wishes should be respected.
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Thank you for the encouragement.. while I won't tell him to stick it (although it made me feel much better haha) exactly I did tell him about this post and all the responses. Maybe I'm being really overly cautious since this is my first homebirth. I know it's going to be a really great experience for my entire family. Welcoming a new member shouldn't be taken lightly. Our little guy's arrival will cause some major changes in our day to day routines and the rest of our lives and we're all looking forward to it.
I don't understand what is wrong with resting. Why the need to rush back into every single activity? If my memory serves me right(and yeah it does) it's exhausting taking care of a newborn let alone the rest of my family! Saying homebirth is no big deal was offensive. Forgive me for being excited for something that I've wanted for so long. A birth that my entire family can be a part of. When my last child was born one of my boys was sick and the hospital staff wouldn't let him even see her. How's that for bonding? This time we'll all be here and if they want to see the birth they can be there and we can all hang out during and after. How special that will be
I think if PP can bounce back from having a baby well more power to you, but women shouldn't feel badly about not being that person and that in no way makes them drama queens.
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Originally Posted by hempmama You're not asking them to "give up their birthdays!" You are celebrating them within the scope of your reality- a birth is happening around the same time. You also are presumably not a rock star or filthy rich- those POOR, SAD boys, not getting to have Mick Jagger show up to serenade them and their own helicopter rides just because their parents aren't rich! How dare you take away their special days.  Your DH seems to want to operate in a blue sky world, and you ALREADY don't operate in a blue sky world. You have constraints. What's so special and bad about birth being one?
Being a hostess in my own home to acquaintances requires more energy than I typically have a few days post birth(and frankly more than I have right now, 11 days before my due date), so obviously you should accomodate that reality. Not to mention wanting to keep your home a safe, clean, nice feeling place to birth in since you're birthing there. Can you imagine if you go into labor shortly before the party begins? What a headache keeping all those people out! Or if you bleed a little more than average, and take a while to recuperate? There are just so many little not probable but very normal circumstances which would make the party at your home a nightmare, and there is an easy easy substitute available- laser tag, pump it up, whatever it is that 8 and 9 year olds do these days. |
The Mick Jagger part cracked my husband up .. I think you're getting through to him! All the what ifs you mentioned are exactly what I'm talking about. What if I go early or late? So let's say I do the first party and then I'm 2 weeks late.. lemme tell ya I'm not exactly the happiest momma when baby comes in the 40-42 week time period! If that happens and then my son's party has to be canceled well then that will ruin his party and why would I set him up for that?!
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Originally Posted by Kessed And with attitudes like this - it's no wonder so many women are scared of birth and want to get the epi as soon as they walk in the door. Or are glad they got a C/S because they think that's going to be easier to recover from.
Do you really think that posting scare statements like this is going to do any good to further the natural child birth agenda supported by this website?
It's only recently that people have been able to put their lives on hold when a new baby comes and I think it's ridiculous.
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Are you freaking kidding me? I've had all of my other children as regular vaginal births. I wouldn't advocate a c-section to my worst enemy in the world! Did I mention I have a job outside? What the heck is wrong with me wanting to enjoy the few weeks off that I will be off of work and enjoy settling in our entire family with all the changes? WITHOUT the freaking huge parties?! I'm as pro natural child birth as I can possibly be. I don't know anyone IRL that has had a homebirth let alone a midwife or even wants to give birth without medication! I'm the only one so really I don't think I'm the one to point fingers at as advocating scare tactics regarding birth!
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Originally Posted by Kessed Right...
A tribe of migrating plains indians could really stop and do nothing for a month EVERY TIME a baby was born...
A small hunter gatherer society would just loose 1 gatherer for a month...
Only in well established agriculteral societies were people rich enough to have a woman stop working just because she gave birth.
I think to my own family history. Most of my family were homesteaders... They lived alone. If there was a doctor - it was hit or miss if he made it to the birth. They certainly didn't have the luxery of just stopping doing all the things that make a farm run.
It has nothing to do with being "wonder woman" and everything to do with not being a drama queen.
Having a baby is just having a baby - it happens all the time. I'm sure that my grandmother, even though she did have family around, didn't spend too long in bed after her 8th child was born...
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I'm not a drama queen I am realistic. My mother is one of 16. No I don't think her mother stopped to lay in bed for days and days on end, but she did have to take care of herself and if she didn't she wouldn't have been any kind of a parent to the rest of the children. Interesting that my beliefs on birth and postpartum care largely come from my mother who has 15 brothers/sisters. Her Aunt has six children and her grandmother had 8 children as well. This has all been passed down in our family and we have huge families. PP was correct when she said sisters and mothers as well as older children would help pick up the slack in a family.
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Originally Posted by whalemilk But sometimes childbirth IS a huge thing. Women work hard for 12, 24, 60 hours. Women bleed anywhere from a couple cups to a liter. Just because it's natural and supposed to happen doesn't mean it's necessarily "simple" or easy.
And just because some women bounce back quicker, or are forced by circumstances to press on anyhow, doesn't mean every woman in the world is obligated to "tough it out." I don't understand why you can't just say "some people are different" and shrug it off.
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I agree.
I have to say there were a lot of things said here that really offended the crapppytastic out of me! I'm not sure when I became a horrific mother willing to send the slap to the face message to my children?! Wow I don't want to have huge parties what a horrible mom I am. Seriously if that's the worst thing about my children's childhoods I will consider myself the Best Mom in the World!! As my husband dear man that he is would say.. someone call the wambulance!! Poor kids only have one really special day and dinner with cake and presents.. life could be so much worse?! I look upon my birthdays so fondly. How smart of my parents to make my birthday special and not go into debt doing it. As they taught me.. it's all about priorities and showing off how much you can spend on a party for your children to all your adult friends is irresponsible. Especially seeing as I won't be working my regular outside job, the income will be missing from the family budget during this time.
I love love love my children! I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings at all, but I have to look at the big picture. While my husband sees they need a party I see everything else going on in our family. That makes me a good mother not a ***** like some of the posts have made me out to be.
I would say the majority of the posters here were supporting you. Don't let a few detractors rile you up too much.
