Please tell me about girls

[thefragile7393]

We found out 2 months ago the there is a good likelihood (though not 100%) of us having a girl. We have a boy, and I adore him and I wanted another boy. Dh wanted a girl.

I have a lot of issues I won't delve deeply into, but I'm having a very hard time accepting this probability, even though i knew going into this I had a 50/50 chance

So I'd like to hear about girls. Yes I'm one but.....arrgh it's hard to explain. I want to hear from everyone...high needs, not-so-high needs, mamas of teen or adult girls and their adolescence, everything. What's hard, what's easy. Are they drama queens or laid back?

Our son is 2 1/2, will be 3 months shy of 3 when this child is born. I know personalities are different, kids are different...but I'm just wondering what sort of dynamic they may have. Husband has 2 sisters, no brothers, and has an interesting relationship with both....he's closer to his youngest sister who is 5 years younger.

I'm not into dressing little girls (or any child) up like a doll....that keeps being mentioned to me a lot and it's not something I want to do (and to mama's who do this, I'm not putting you down, it's just something that I've never been into for myself). I've been a tomboy who loves makeup (????) my whole life. 2nd....I don't want a mini-me, that was the problem between my mom and I....I was a mini-her but worse. Am I just stressing too much??? I keep worrying about a high-drama high needs little girl (and reading on here I am realizing that little boys can be the same!).

[mamazee]

I'm a tomboy with a girl. All girls are different. Not all are girly. Some are.

You don't have to put makeup on your daughter or dress her up in frilly dresses. I just buy clothes. I have some family members who buy her dresses and she wears those sometimes but she prefers just a top and pants/shorts.

And yes, any child, boy or girl, can be high needs and into drama. That's not a gender-specific trait at all.

[thefragile7393]

I got really spoiled i think with ds...he's always been a wonderful baby...the perfect attachment parenting baby. He DOES have dramatic moments, very much a drama king with some of his tantrums, but overall he's the type of kid i feel anyone would want. So I do worry about number 2 just being a real kick in the butt and wake-up call i guess, and the different wiring has me worried.

I KNOW I don't have to dress her up in frilly dresses and do her hair fancy.....it's just something that keeps being mentioned to me by happy moms of girls who are into that and it makes me feel I NEED to do that. My own friend is into this...and her little girl always looks beautiful and gorgeous at church (mom looks the same way so there you go)....but I just cringe at the thought of doing that.

[mamatoablessing]

I wouldn't want to presume anything, as all kids are different, despite their gender. I have 2 girls. One is girly, loves princesses, insists on wearing dresses daily, etc. My other girl is a complete tomboy. Very active, loves to climb and jump and get dirty, prefers shorts and tennis shoes to dresses and sandals, etc. I would suggest following your instincts until the babe is old enough to communicate their own preferences. Girls are just as fun and wonderful as boys! Congratulations on whatever you have!

[mamatoablessing]

Originally Posted by thefragile7393

I got really spoiled i think with ds...he's always been a wonderful baby...the perfect attachment parenting baby. He DOES have dramatic moments, very much a drama king with some of his tantrums, but overall he's the type of kid i feel anyone would want. So I do worry about number 2 just being a real kick in the butt and wake-up call i guess, and the different wiring has me worried.

I totally get that! My first was the exact same way and she is a girl. My second, also a girl, is wild and crazy and fearless and sometimes makes me wish she came with an "off button". I sometimes think that comes from being born second, not necessarily their gender.

[Oriole]

I have a 15 y.o. dsd, and I've been in her life since she was 7 y.o.

She is the most stubborn, creative, sometimes selfish, sometimes wonderfully thoughtful girl you'll ever meet. She is in love with her first boyfriend, she likes photography, and art, she is good at math, but is full of insecurities. She loves baking stuff, and this morning started out with a delicious strawberry cake. She already picked out the names of her future children, and she likes screaming type of music that I can't stand.

I love her very very much, and I'm about to start crying here as I'm typing about her, I don't know why. Every memory we made together is a blessing. :

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by thefragile7393

I keep worrying about a high-drama high needs little girl (and reading on here I am realizing that little boys can be the same!).

Yup, a child of either gender can be high need/high drama. I know lots of high drama little boys.

I am also the proud mother of an incredibly high needs, intense, 7 yo girl.

If I could have hand-picked characteristics for my dc, I would not have designed dd. She can be very difficult to live with, lol. But, you know what? She also came with millions of wonderful qualities and gifts that I never would have expected. And, of course, raising her has given me innumerable (sp?) opportunities to grow as a mother and a person. I expect she will continute to provide these opportunities for growth .

But, the bottom line is.....your dc will be your dc. There is really, truly, no point in worrying about what your dc "might be" like....esp based only on the sex of the baby!

[limabean]

You'll figure it out as you go along -- all kids are different, and as you get to know your DD as an individual you'll learn what works best for her, what dynamic the two of you have, etc. Yes, you could end up with a nothing-but-sparkles-and-princess-dresses girl, but you could also end up with a muddy-frogs-in-her-pockets girl. It's important to learn how to accept and love her however she turns out -- I'm sure you will.

[thefragile7393]

: Oh my mind knows that I shouldn't have pre-conceived notions based on sex.....before I had kids I thought little boys were high-energy troublemakers, hyperactive.......of course it didn't help that I worked at a children's mental health clinic at the time and saw much of that and I allowed myself to think that way

I'm an only child, born to older parents, my mom who was an only child herself. So I have no siblings or really much of anything to fall back on when it comes to children and interactions. I never babysat, never spent much time with children. I looked at myself growing up...looked at girls in my peer group, and wondered "Is my daughter going to be like that?"

I am loving your responses though, really really really I am. They do help calm my anxious mind somewhat.

[library lady]

I am in the opposite boat. I have 3 girls and am expecting #4. We don't know what we are having but after 3 girls, I don't know if I could relate to a boy. (There are a lot of other factors such as all I have is girl stuff.) I know I would do fine because my sister has two boys that I have always managed to relate to just fine but there is still that concern.

The first thing to you have to do is put those stereotypes away. I grew up in house with 3 girls and a boy. The boy was way more finicky than any of the girls. My sisters and I were slobs and my brother was a neat freak that ironed his underwear. My oldest daughter was never into dresses until recently. After spending some time with one of her cousins, she got interested in more girly stuff. My middle daughter has always been into more girly stuff. I think they have all gone through phases where they wanted to wear dresses and stuff. It can come and go. All three of my girls are so vastly different. I wouldn't dream of putting my 15 month old in girly stuff. It wouldn't fit her personality and it gets in her way because she is so rough and tumble. I think my girls are way more high spirited that either of my nephews were. My girls are a lot of fun because they love to get in the dirt and get dirty. Even as babies, the frilly stuff just didn't fit them and made them look so uncomfortable. That wasn't something that I was ever interested in so I was quite happy about it.

[ebethmom]

Even though I've always wanted BOTH gender children, I had those fleeting thoughts of "what will I do with a girl, I only know how to raise a boy".

Each child is different, but I can tell you about my girl. She loves pink, but she won't let me do anything fussy with her hair. Just brushing it is a challenge! She is truly torn between liking girly things and needing to be just like her brother. She wants to be both!

She loves to play with her brother and his friends. Right now girlfriends don't interest her at all. In fact, she doesn't much care for any females. She tells me that she loves me and Grandmommy, but no other girls.

My daughter is so much more empathetic than my son. He is seriously lacking in the sensitivity area! My dd loves to clean (we don't know where THAT comes from!) and she is so eager to help.

My dd's personality is more laid back than Mr. Intensity ds. Did I mention that she's funny, too. She just cracks us up!

[CarrieMF]

yup you're stressing too much.

A laid back baby can be a hellraiser of a teen & vice versa.

I have 3 girls & only 3 girls.

My 6yo was high needs as a baby, but it had nothing to do with the sex she was born with. She had reflux & a milk allergy. given the chance she'll let anyone do anything for her so she doesn't have to do it herself. She is a princess & loves her dresses, pink & makeup.

My 7yo is just now starting to need any discipline & what she gets is very minor, but to her it's the end of the world. Partly because she's never really needed it & she hates to be wrong about anything, she's either gifted or close to it both academically & physically. She is more of a tomboy but still quite girly. She has always hated having her hair done. Both her & the 6yo have naturally curly hair & this one said it hurt to do anything.

My 9yo is inbetween. she's the one who'd be out in a dress, earings, bracelets, etc chasing frogs.lol She is in the beginning stages of puberty & so far we haven't noticed any real changes with her.

My neighbor has 2 girls who are 8 & almost 10. The 10yo is a drama queen to the stricted definition according to her mother. I have never seen this side of her, I've heard some rants while on the phone with her mother. If she's a drama queen she gets it from her mother who is a very needy, dependant hypocondriac drama queen.

[reece19]

I have two girls All kids are different though, and I suspect you will fall in love with your new little girl (or boy, for that matter...you never know!)

I've never really dressed them as girls. They had some dresses as babies, but that faded by the time they were 2ish. My gf and I both dress in men's clothes most of the time, and the girls do, too. We didn't have a lot of dolls or "girl" toys, either. Those things aren't required for happy little girls

Don't let the stereotypes get to you, you just can't predict what kind of kid you'll have.

[Norasmomma]

I have an almost 2 year old girl, and feel the same way about if I got pg and it was a boy, what would I do?? Truth is I'd deal and love him, and my DD would be a wonderful big sister.

I can relate to OP and I understand where you are coming from tomboy who loves make-up, um yeah I'm kinda that way I also am girly, and that's totally okay with me. My Dd has ended up similar, not because we have made her like that, she just is like that. She is ultra independent, was a super easy baby, and turned into a high energy toddler, she is way more energetic than most of the little boys I know that are her age. She is a go-go girl and she is fun.

I did hate that everyone wanted to dress her in dresses as a newborn, sure they are cute, but impractical um yeah... Now that she's older it is fun to get her dressed up in a cute dress, but if she hated it I wouldn't care, she could wear pants and I don't care what the family would think, heck I guess she could dress like a boy if she wanted. I doubt that will happen.

I do have two words for you: DADDY"S GIRL, not all are but mine is, Daddy is king, I'm ok. When I was nursing it was different, but she loves Daddy so much, she asks when he's coming home. When I'm on the phone, "Daddy? Daddy?" I already knew this, boys usally love mama, and girls love daddy. I had a friend tell me this and so I wasn't shocked, heck I was a Daddy's girl.

Personally it really depends on the kid, I have a neighbor who lived in the boonies in Alaska when her oldest children were young, her boy was all boy, the girl was girly, neither were exposed to TV or anything, they were just born that way.

My DD is really freaking tough I have watched the girl bash her head from falling and not even whimper. She's very athletic for an almost 2 year old, I literally have to keep her from climbing up the big rock at the river and jumping into the deep water. She is really girly and so not at the same time. She'll be dressed up in a princess outfit while throwing a ball as hard and as far as she can.

Don't worry, it may be scary, but it's just another adventure in being a parent.

[krissi]

I had some issues accepting that we were having a boy the second time around, as my firstborn was a girl. But now I love parenting both of them. My son is stubborn, intense, high energy, turn-our-hair-gray-level mischievous (in a Dennis the Menace kind of a way ) and DD is very easygoing, almost never requires any type of disciplining, asks people to be "happy" if they are in a bad mood, wants to try everything at least once and loves being silly and making people laugh. She does like pink and girly princessy things sometimes (I don't) but she is also up for muddy messes and will, out of the blue, express interest in stuff like riding motorcycles or driving monster trucks (obviously she has to wait till she's older on both counts. ) So she isn't really a "girly" girl or a tomboy but kind of a mix.

I think you will be okay. These feelings tend to work themselves out. Just try not to focus too much on preconceptions of what she'll be like if you do indeed have a DD. As everyone else has said, every kid is different.

[lolalola]

Originally Posted by thefragile7393

I have a lot of issues I won't delve deeply into, but I'm having a very hard time accepting this probability, even though i knew going into this I had a 50/50 chance

You might want to explore your issues if you are having a hard time accepting that you might have a girl. Seriously...what worries you?

Girls aren't aliens, right? LOL.

You'll just roll with it, and love her because she's your daughter. She'll be whoever she is.

[rambunctiouscurls]

I can understand where you are coming from because I feel the same way in regards to boys.
Part of the reason, I wanna stick with an only, is that I don't really relate to boys as well as I do with girls. I am a girly girl (into make-up, dressing up, etc.).

but every one I have talked to reassures me that you'll find your groove and you'll think to yourself, "wth, was I ever worried about"

because it's your child and you will have a special bond/connect, no matter what the gender or the personality.

And FTR, My dd is almost 2. She was incredibly high needs as a baby and has turned into an easygoing (for the most part) and a fun toddler so you never know.

[whalemilk]

Well the thing about girls is, they're people. People can be unpredictable. But people who are closely related to you, and who you have a hand in raising and socializing, you have a slight advantage to understanding. So at least there's that.

[LynnS6]

Girls are a lot of fun! Just like with boys, there is a lot of variation out there.

This is what my girl is like:
Outgoing, sometimes very girly
Daring, and feminine all at once.


My girl and boy play different things, and I swear I didn't set them up this way. they've both had access to trucks, dolls and the like from the beginning. Ds has preferred trucks and things with wheels, though recently he's been playing more with stuffed animals ("Thanks" to our neighbors we now have triplet koala bears!). Ds acts out what he plays. Dd is into families and relationships - when she was 15 months she sat down to pretend to change a doll's diaper and I nearly fell over laughing because ds NEVER did that! She plays with dolls, she draws, she makes 'families' out of anything and everything. But she sometimes plays trucks and trains.

Of my kids, dd is the daredevil and ds is the cautious one. I never had to think about explaining to ds that he couldn't ride his bike down a hill while resting his feet on the cross bar of his bike! I did have to have that talk with dd, twice. Dd is more 'athletic' than ds, and because she's also more of an extrovert, I suspect she'll be the one who does team sports, while ds will be more of an individual sport kid.

Because my kids are so different, I have a very different relationship with the two of them. Dd is much more physical. when I came home today after a day long meeting, she needed to sit on my lap, and play physical games with me - pretending to eat me, me pretending to eat her, etc. Ds on the other hand just wants to be near me.

I don't dress my kids, except on holidays and when we have pictures taken. Some days dd chooses dresses, other days it's hand-me-downs from her brother. She went through a stage this winter where she wore the same leotard/skirt combo for months at a time!

My boy and girl are very different from each other, and yet on a fundamental level, they both "get" each other and seem to see the world from the same point of view. So, I think that your kids may well get along just fine.

[onlyzombiecat]

My dd is 8.

Something that I feel is different with having a girl is that I feel more pressure to be a role model than I think I would for a boy. She will be looking at me and comparing herself to me for how she, as a woman/mother, should or should not be. As scary as that is sometimes I also feel like I have a special bond with dd because of our shared gender. There are a lot of life experiences we'll have in common.
Of course girls can have a different relationship with fathers too.
Some can be close and bond more to their father. Some dad's can get protective in a way they don't with boys. Some are more distant with girls.
My father has always been much more relaxed and involved with my brother and his grandsons than with my sister, nieces, dd or I. I've figured out that he is uncomfortable around little girls. He thinks they don't like him or are scared but he doesn't get down and play, hold them or read to them like he does with the boys. Growing up he did a lot of stuff alone with my brother and not much with my sister or myself. That's an example of an adult kind of projecting their issue onto kids.
Try to treat your dd as you would your ds.

My dd is not into fashion, make up, princesses, boyfriends. She shares a lot of interests with the boys we know. I don't think she is that different in terms of how much attention she needs.

I didn't dress her up like a doll. She always had comfortable clothes that she could move and play in. Sometimes it can be challenging to buy age appropriate non-pink clothing for young girls but it is out there. Don't be afraid to shop the boy's section if necessary.

Some people treat girls differently in areas where they aren't really different. There are stereotypes. Some people will react to the same behavior differently if it is a boy or girl doing it.
There are people who treat dd like she must be delicate or more sensitive because she is a girl. Dd is definitely not delicate. She has never been afraid of bugs but some boys we know are. That isn't a gender thing but people act like it is.

I think girls have different social development. Some of the girls we know could be somewhat intense about conforming and forming cliques at a young age. I don't see that level of intensity about it in little boys we know.