Child home alone w/ sleeping adult?

[bnhmama]

A friend of mine and I both have dh's who work overnight and sleep days. We also both have 5 year olds.

Lately, she's been leaving her 5 year old home with Dad once in a while, while she works. (Full 8 hour day) She's considering now doing it for the rest of the summer until school starts. (A few weeks)

It's her kid and not my business but I just can't imagine doing this yet.

So, the other day I needed a sitter for not quite an hour b/c dh was sleeping and I had to be somewhere that ds couldn't come for that amount of time. The sitter ended up falling through so I set ds up with a game on the Wii, some snacks, a big thing of water in my bedroom where dh was. He also had several toys and legos in there and I carried up a bunch of art supplies. I woke dh and told him the sitch.

I'd told him not to go downstairs under ANY circumstances and if daddy dozed off to wake him if he needed ANYTHING. He's pretty good about listening when I take that tone and he was fine with it. He was only allowed to leave the bedroom to go to the bathroom but I made him go before I left.

I gotta tell ya, I was a complete nervous wreck the whole time. Ds was fine, of course and had stayed put, completely happy.

But I'm still really uncomfortable about it and would certainly never consider it for any extended length of time. I'm not even sure I'd do it for that short time again if I could find a sitter instead! But at the same time, ds sometimes wakes up before me and goes downstairs so I guess it's the same deal but still...I just canNOT get okay with it for us.

Anyhow, that was long winded but when would you be comfortable, and for how long, would you leave your child with a sleeping adult?

[Keeping up]

I would have to ask my mom for how long I was left 'alone' while she slept.

I know for sure I was 5 years old(maybe 4-6 yrs then, on again, off again) when my day worked an office job during the day and my mom was an er nurse at night. She would come home in the morning (sometimes we even did the car switcheroo half way to work) and I played while she slept for a few hours. I think it was likely 2 day a week only (she didn't work full time - and I was 1 day on,1-day-off in kindie).

I have few memories of the time - but do remember playing board games all by myself - and enjoying it. I played boardgames by myself well into my teens (and probably still would if I had a minute to spare) - I liked the time alone.

I am sure I would go get something if I needed or call my mom. Five year olds can be pretty responsible kiddos.

Certainly not the end of the world when I was a youngin'.

[LionessMom]

i am uncomfortable leaving my kids with DH when he looks sleppy. he often falls asleep right after the gets home from work. usually if DS is home i will take the baby with me and leave the other kids at home. sometimes he is awake and sometimes not.
i guess it depends on your child. can you trust child? i mean, does he know how to dial 911 or what to do in any emergency? what if daddy doesnt wake up and the house is on fire?
i would cover that with him. i have covered it with all my kids.
and then remind yourself that you, the mommy, will probably always be paranoid even when he is grown and married.

how sound does daddy sleep? would he wake up?

[~Megan~]

Sometimes I need sleep. I'm having bad insomnia related to pregnancy. ds wakes up at 6am no matter what time he goes to bed. Usually I don't fall asleep till 2am so 4 horus is not cutting it!

I let ds read books on the bed with me or watch TV on mute so I can sleep. He is almost 3. dd is 6 and she can play in her room or the living room. I trust her. If she needs something she will come ask me. She's not the kind of kid that gets into things so I trust her.

[annethcz]

I'm okay with this. I think it's important to know your child and their maturity level and act accordingly.

When I had a toddler and was pregnant and exhausted I needed to take a nap while my child was awake. I either put baby gates up in the living room and slept while the toddler played, or I laid down in front of the door of the toddler's bedroom so he couldn't escape while I napped.

With preschoolers, I was comfortable taking a nap in the same room as the kids. I remember many occasions when I had a migraine. I'd turn off the lights in my bedroom, put a movie going, and nap with my kids in my bedroom.

Now that my kids are older, if I need a nap in the middle of the day, I trust my kids to behave while I'm laying down.

[Ruthla]

It really depends on the maturity of the child in question, as well as the length of time involved. I would not be comfortable with a 5yo and a sleeping adult for 8 hours, but for an hour or two I'd be fine with it. Plenty of times my kids have woken up before me on weekends and "fended for themselves" until I woke up- and other times they'd wake me up with some sort of "emergency"- somebody needing a bandaid or an ice pack usually.

I just don't think a 5yo should be "home alone" all day- yeah, that's old enough to help himself to a sandwich and a glass of milk if he's hungry, but 8 hours without any social interaction doesn't seem right to me. It falls short of actual neglect but it just seems like bad parenting.

[Tigerchild]

My kids are allowed to get up, watch early morning PBS and help themselves to their snack shelf in the pantry and fridge until mama and/or daddy get up. Since the earliest riser is normally up by 5 (ugh), that can be 2-3 hours.

I think I may have a more hands-off philosophy than you do though. Either that or my kids don't get into as much trouble. They know what they are and aren't allowed to do, and while they're not perfect angels we've never had problems with a severe house rule break (and since I have 3, if someone comes close to it they tattle anyway).

Now, toddlers are different, but 5? My five year olds can handle themselves just fine with a present but not supervising adult for a few hours. This summer we've been starting to allow the kids to play outside in our (unfenced) yard unsupervised (it's started off being 15 minutes, but we're thinking of extending it to 30 since they're doing so well).

But you know your kid and what they can and can't handle. I don't think there's a hard and fast rule that NO kids can handle it at 5 or that all should be able to.

[EviesMom]

What Ruthla said.

Also depends on the sleep style of the adult. I rarely have drowsed for 30 minutes or so while DS (9 months) plays in the bed if he wakes up at 3am. I'm not really asleep though, and he's confined to the bed where there isn't much he can get into. It's basically a little playtime before he'll consent to nurse back to sleep.

I did that yesterday with 4 yo DD when I got far too little sleep. When DS took his morning nap, I brought DD into the bedroom too, turned on Noggin, and had a nap as well while she watched. I was surprised to discover that it was an hour and a half, more TV than usual, OTOH, it's not like it's going to become a daily/weekly/regular event. I don't sleep solidly in those situations though.

[wonderwahine]

imo its no different than ds being with me alone while dh is at work overnight or in the morning and we sleep in. ds knows how to wake us up for things he needs.

[BlessedOne]

I used to be like you. I would require my kids to be watched 24/7. When my oldest was a baby I would take her bouncer in the bathroom while I showered if no one was home...but most of the time I would not shower unless my hubby was home. The next step once she was a toddler, was putting her in her crib...her bedroom and my bathroom adjoined. Then once she could not be kept in a crib (2+), I would call my mom if I had to shower and have my mom 'phone sit'. I would lay out rukes for both my mom and dd. I told my mom to ask her every few minutes what she was doing. And still yet I would book it in the shower. I had more kids and it was harder to manage the phone sitting thing, so I finally just had to go on trust. My oldest was old enough that I knew she could help keep an eye on her younger siblings, I stopped phone sitting and allowing her to help me out. This was pre-five. Atleast I was not as bad as my sil, she would actually call my mom over to watch her baby so she could shower! Thankfully they only lived a few minutes away from each other.....I lived 30 minutes away...so that was not much of an option.
In regards to sleeping. It does not bother me too much anymore. Once I got over the shower thing, I guess I got over it all....because when my dd started waking up early in the morning and I could not get her to lay back down with me, I started turning on the tv in my room and telling her to stay in here and watch tv while I got an extra hour or so sleep(she was at the end of the bed). Although for the most part I was not in a deep sleep...more or less cat napping. Now I have more children and I am not as picky. If they wake up early and do not go back to sleep, then I just let them play. The house is pretty safe. Although again...not a deep sleep, especially with them coming in every few minutes asking me if they can do this or that or telling on a sibling. The way our house is set up, my bedroom is right in the middle of it all...so it is not like they are in a different part of the house. But most of the time they bring their toys in and play on my bedroom floor or on the bed. The oldest is 6 now, and I will say I still have many times woke up to messes. For the most part it has never been any dangerous situations. Although there was one time that my dd went outside without permission because her g-pa was out there (they are our neighbors). I was not pleased and told her to never let it happen again, even though she was out there with her g-pa.
I truly think it depends on the listening capability of the child.

I used to be really picky about them going outdoors and for the most part still do not let them just hang out outside by themselves. But my hubby's rules are that the oldest (6) can go out in the front or back yard and play without an adult and my second oldest(3) can not be out in front without an adult and must be in th back yard with his sister. The 1.5 yr old obviously can not be outside without an adult. I am not too overly fond of his rules but both of the kids are smart enough to stay away from the road and I have told them to yell bloody murder and run inside if someone tries to come up to them. And I ofcourse keep an eye on them through the window. Thankfully they do not like to be outside by themselves so they either come back in after a few minutes or go get their g-pa to come out with them.

So it is amazing how things have changed. I personally would not have much issue with the situation that you described as long as the child is responsible enough. Now I would not think that they should be going outside the house if the dad is inside sleeping.

P.S. having my hubby watch the kids at all is basically like having a sleeping person watch my kids....I think that may have been what aided in me becoming more lax.

[Heavenly]

I don't know how long of a period of time I would leave them for but I do leave my older two alone while I sleep. I have major health problems and when I have a bad night I HAVE to take a nap during the day when my youngest is napping. I will set my older two (ages 5 and 7) up with a movie and popcorn and go to sleep (usually for 1-2 hours). I trust them to behave for that period of time.

[thismama]

ive napped when my daughter was home only with me. usually in the same room, and i know what she is like and she wouldnt venture away or do anything unsafe. but an 8 hour day alone with someone who is having their major sleep of the day/night? no way.

[mama2mygirl]

I'm newly pregnant and exhausted. I'm fine taking a nap with my five-year-old playing in the house.
I wouldn't be fine with it if I was sleeping for hours and hours, though.

[ebethmom]

I do think it depends on the kid, and the amount of time that the adult would be sleeping. For an hour or so, I would be fine with napping while the kids play. They usually come find me if they need something.

A full 8 hour sleep cycle would be too long for a 5 year old to be unattended.

[Kessed]

I had a really bad stomach flu a couple weeks ago.

DD is 20 months.

I felt fine napping on the couch (with a pillow and a blanket) while she played on the main floor of the house. There isn't much she could quietly get into down here. And I'm a light sleeper.

DH??? He's a really heavy sleeper. Even now - we start DD off in her own room at night - and I'm the one who wakes up and kicks him so that he goes and gets her (that's the compromise for her being in her own room. I would be happy with her in our bed all night.) He doesn't hear her.

I wouldn't be comfortable with him napping on the couch while watching her.

At 5? All day?? I'm not sure. How would lunch happen?

I would probably be OK (not happy - but OK) with DH sleeping for the morning (so 4 hours), waking up and making lunch, going to the park, that sort of thing, and then sleeping again in the afternoon.

A solid 8 hour stretch wouldn't be OK with me until my kid was old enough to 'take care' of herself. And that would include making lunch, and being trustworthy enough to go in and out of the house alone - so closer to 10 or 12.

[wonderwahine]

IME from when dh did nights at the casino, there was no 8hr streches of sleeping going on, he was lucky if he got 4.

[krissi]

I agree it depends on the kid and the length of time. My 3yo absolutely cannot be unsupervised for longer than a few mins (because he looks for opportunities to do stuff he knows he's not supposed to do) but my 5yo is pretty responsible. I would nap with her in the house as long as she was provided with an activity and had access to a snack and a drink if she needed it. But maybe just for an hour or so, else she'd get lonely and look for me anyway. I agree that a full 8-hour sleep cycle with a child home otherwise alone is a bit long.

[stormborn]

When I worked nights dh would go to sleep about 2 hours from the end of my shift with dd still awake; she always wanted to wait up for me I was fine with it. She would hang out and play/read/watch movies and knew to wake him up if she needed to. She also knew how to call me and I could be home in 5 mins if need be.

[Britishmum]

My girls at 5 would be fine. They would sit and draw, write, color, etc and you wouldn't hear a peep from them. They do this if they wake up before me sometimes, and it doesn't occur to me to worry about it.

I think it depends on the child. I do think that at some point you need to convey your confidence in your child to him or her. Children need chances to be independent and responsible, and they need to know that you trust them to be so. I think that making them stay in their bedroom is going to send the wrong message to them - that you don't think they are safe and sensible. Now, if they truly aren't responsible enough to look after themselves for an hour, don't leave them. But unless they are a really reckless type of child, I think you need to leave them playing, and give them instructions to wake mum or dad if they need help.

I believe that by giving children opportunities like this to look after themselves, we can equip them with the skills and confidence to become self-reliant young people. By being anxious, we can instead transmit that anxiety to them, which in turn can make them grow up less capable than they need to be.

JMO.

[mistymama]

Dh's sis and BIL do this on a daily basis, and have for several years. Their little boy is 7. The dad sleeps, and DN is left to entertain himself for hours and the main rule is that he is not allowed to go outside, he must stay in the house.

I don't think he's unsafe, he's a smart, careful guy and Dad is a pretty light sleeper. I'm sure this greatly depends on the child, but I don't feel it's unsafe for him. What I find sad about it is that he's left for hours to find things to do inside, which usually equals hours of tv and video games.

I've left my 5 year old with a napping dh. Usually it's a run to the store or something, but on a few occasions it was for a few hours while I did an open house. DS knows not to leave the house and isn't the least bit shy to wake up dh when he needs him. I would remind him that dh is napping in his chair, go wake him up if you need anything. My ds can entertain himself very well, and is also very cautious and safe. Plus I have no doubt he'd wake dh for anything he needed, even if it was just a drink.

I'm sure it depends on the kid, but I'm comfortable with it for my almost 6 year old. In DN's situation it's pretty extreme because the kid never gets to do any activities and is stuck inside all summer But I don't think it's unsafe, just lonely.