New here... Needing support

[danzarooni]

I am an old timer MDCer but haven't been around much for awhile.

I am diagnosed with Major Depression Severe Recurrent and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So very strongly that I spent a week in a mental hospital in March and just now 3 weeks in another one. I do have a lot of online friends and post on a couple big crunchy boards but I am not sure about posting my issues there both because, people just don't understand or know what to say, and I have a business online and I don't want to hurt it.

I am on some major meds (Cymbalta 60 - possibly upping to 120, Wellbutrin XL 450, Abilify 50, Xanax .5-1 as needed, and Ambien to sleep) all of which I used to be pretty against but I currently absolutely NEED so ya gotta do what ya gotta do, right? My kids NEED me. My boys 7 and almost 3 are autistic and my 5 year old dd is redheaded spitfire with some anxiety issues. Who wouldn't with a mommy like me around lately?

Basically I just need to find a place to be supported and to support others going through similar stuff. I got so much support when I was inpatient and honestly I miss it.

So there is my current state in a nutshell. Nice to meet ya'll.

[Phoenix_Rising]

DP is on some pretty major medications right now too and she was highly resistant to taking them. It took a few times in and out of the hospitals for her to understand that it *is* a chronic condition in her case and it isn't going to go away. It is hard to accept. Yes, we all do what we need to in order to make things work for our families.
FWIW, DP has said each time after leaving the hospital that she is anxious upon leaving because there was so much more support while inside. Peace to you as you work with this. :

[danzarooni]

Thanks so much Susannah! Is Allison on the boards at all? Sounds like we could have a lot in common.

[Phoenix_Rising]

She is not, but if you would like to get in touch with her just send me a PM :

[abbylotus]

I'll offer my support to you, mama. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder January 07. I have been hospitalized, too. Most recently in October for a week. I, too, take medication. I wasn't keen on the idea at first, but I they save my life every day and for that I am thankful. I do not like relying on medication, but it is, what it is. I choose life over death. If I was unmedicated I would most likely be dead.....or in a real world of hurt. I have found having a strong support network to be key in my life. My husband is very helpful, as is my mother and in-laws, some friends. I had a bad go this past week. I'm managing a restaurant that just opened last monday. Lots of stress and lots of stimuli. It was crazy! I was working nutty hours...seventeen days in a row. I was a mess. I was fine at work but as soon as I got home I would break down. My family really stepped it up and helped with my children - which was key. I had today off and I was able to relax for the most part, but I'm still feeling a little bit squirrely. I'm sorry, I don't mean to highjack your thread....I'll stick to the topic! HA! Does ambien work well for you? I was given a Rx for it this week when I was all shades of crazy and not sleeping. I was given 10mg. I'm not sure it works very well for me. It doesn't make me very tired. I am sleeping, but I don't think it helps. I was told 10mg is on the strong end, too.

Take care, mama!!

[snuggly mama]

s

I was recently diagnosed with Severe Anxiety Disorder, possible PTSD and started meds that I NEVER thought I'd take. But now that I can feel the difference they are making, I'm so grateful that they were available to me.

I hope you can find the support you need, both here and IRL.

[danzarooni]

Thanks so much!

Abbylotus:
I take 1 Ambien 10mg and 1 Xanax .5 mg to sleep. Just the Ambien or just the Xanax doesn't do it for me. They told me I can go up to 1mg Xanax with the Ambien if this doesn't do it but it is - YAY - I hadn't slept well in so long.

True, meds or death. That's about where I am/was. Meds aare definitely preferable, at least when I am feeling good.

[doublewhammy]

Just thought I'd say hi. I also have PTSD. And a five year old red-headed spitfire. And twin 2.5 year old boys. Phew.

I'm not taking any meds yet, but it's been coming up lately in therapy as I'm having a really hard time holding it together emotionally. My marriage is in dire straits.

I've been learning to practice mindfulness. It helps, but finding the time to meditate is practically impossible.

[abbylotus]

Originally Posted by danzarooni

Thanks so much!

Abbylotus:
I take 1 Ambien 10mg and 1 Xanax .5 mg to sleep. Just the Ambien or just the Xanax doesn't do it for me. They told me I can go up to 1mg Xanax with the Ambien if this doesn't do it but it is - YAY - I hadn't slept well in so long.

True, meds or death. That's about where I am/was. Meds aare definitely preferable, at least when I am feeling good.

I have been taking two 10mg ambien at night. I need to sleep!! I see my head shrinker tomorrow....I'll tell her what's going on. I should really try a night without the ambien and see what happens, but I'm a little scared. I really get nutty when my sleep is jacked. Thank god I didn't have these mental troubs when my kids were babes!

Are you still feeling depressed or are you over that hump, mama?

[danzarooni]

Ellen, mindfulness is AWESOME. Have you looked at the full DBT theories? I am ordering Linehan's book and hope to join a local DBT group. You definitely have stress there, if you have to do meds, even for a short time to get yourself healthy enough to take care of your kids, I say try it. JMO I am SOOOO glad I did.

[danzarooni]

Wow two full Ambien! Yes I would let them know and that you want to try something else. I have a huge problem being assertive, though I am learning, but from one mama to another, be assertive of what you need! ANYONE without enough sleep has a hard time, especially us though with chemical issues.

[danzarooni]

PS yesterday was a ROUGH day but after a .5 Xanax, a 15 min walk in the rain and walk in the rushing creek, then an hour nap, I was better. And today I feel pretty darn good! I even have been smiling - huge shocker for me!

[Phoenix_Rising]

I'm glad today is going well

[mommyjamieof2]

Just wanted to give a Hope you feel better.

[abbylotus]

I'm glad you're having a better day!!

I didn't tell my shrink about the two ambiens. I lost my nerve. She wrote my a script for 3mos!! It took me off gaurd. I don't plan on using these ambien for the long haul....once I get out of the weeds I'll wean off of them. It sounds like an excuse, I know, and it is...BUT...that's the way I'm doing it rigt now. I know I should be taking valerian root, drinking earthy teas, dropping rescue medicine, sniffing plant essences, practicing yoga....all that good for you jazz, but I'm not. Hmph.

[danzarooni]

It's hard in the midst to do stuff that is good for you, I totally know. IMO you should call your psych and tell them the Ambien really wasn't doing it for you and you had to take 2, but you were nervous to say so. I DOUBT they would be upset, some people need more. Like I said, they told me to take up to 1mg Xanax (2 of my pills) and 1 10 mg Ambien to sleep and if that didn't work they would try something else. They WANT you to sleep, they WANT you to do this until you "get out of the weeds." They AGREE (at least my doctors here agree.) I figure with meds, it is best to be upfront about what you are really taking so they can help you best, but I am totally passive and quiet and self-deprecating too, so I can totally understand why you didn't want to tell them. *hug*

[Sisyphus]

Originally Posted by danzarooni

I am an old timer MDCer but haven't been around much for awhile.

I am diagnosed with Major Depression Severe Recurrent and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So very strongly that I spent a week in a mental hospital in March and just now 3 weeks in another one. I do have a lot of online friends and post on a couple big crunchy boards but I am not sure about posting my issues there both because, people just don't understand or know what to say, and I have a business online and I don't want to hurt it.

I am on some major meds (Cymbalta 60 - possibly upping to 120, Wellbutrin XL 450, Abilify 50, Xanax .5-1 as needed, and Ambien to sleep) all of which I used to be pretty against but I currently absolutely NEED so ya gotta do what ya gotta do, right? My kids NEED me. My boys 7 and almost 3 are autistic and my 5 year old dd is redheaded spitfire with some anxiety issues. Who wouldn't with a mommy like me around lately?

Basically I just need to find a place to be supported and to support others going through similar stuff. I got so much support when I was inpatient and honestly I miss it.

So there is my current state in a nutshell. Nice to meet ya'll.

Hi Danielle!!! I remember you from *babycenter!* (I think I was Lolov there) when we were both pg with our now 5yo's!!! Welcome back to MDC!

I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this at the moment. I am finally feeling "stable" after struggling with MDD for years without treatment (I felt like I "should" be able to just snap out of it... even though I know better!) I'm on effexor and it seems to be working well for me, thank the universe!

I also know what you mean about the support from inpatient. I was inpatient ten years ago when my first marriage fell apart and I still sometimes want to go back LOL.

Do you have a good therapist? I have found that my therapist is *invaluable* to my mental health at this point. I forget where you live... I'm in Richmond, VA now (Yeah, I need to change my "location" LOL).

I just wanted you to know that I remembered you and that I can totally relate

Hugs to you!

[danzarooni]

I remember you! It was SheKnows, back when it was called something else, who knows ha ha. Thanks so much for the support. I do have a great therapist and need to make sure I schedule appts ahead of time. He only works Mon and Tues so if I don't schedule them out, I can't get in. I have a month's worth scheduled now though. He helps a TON!

HUGS back!

[Sisyphus]

YAY!!! I'm glad you remember me!

I can't believe it's been 5 years LOL!

[canadianchick]

Just wanted to say Hi and offer