help...non-potty trained kids?

[bobandjess99]

dd is starting M in 2 weeks....it is a 3-5 room in a brand new school, this is the first year. A couple other parents and i have tried and tried to get an answer, but all we get are vague "we don't think it will be a problem." answers. Well...we think it might be a BIG problem.
My dd is a 3, as are some friends kids also going to the school..she is only partially potty trained. she hasnt worn diapers in a year and a half, but she fequently has "accidents"....sometimes only 1 per day, but sometimes 5-6 times a day. She was having poo accidents up until a few months ago, but now the accidents all seem to be pee, thanks for that at least! Several of the other kids that i know are not potty trained either, some even still regularly wear diapers. At the info meetinf in July, i was in the bathroom and saw LOTS of parents in the stalls, helping the kids go potty. I KNOW there are lots of non-potty trained kids.

Adding to the problem....the school is a public school building..the bathrooms are down the hall, not IN the classrooms. Each class has 8 "3"s, 8 "4"'s and 8 "5"s, total of 24 kids, with 1 teacher and 1 assistant.

How in the heck are they going to get them all to the bathroom??, what about when several kids need to go at once? and what happens when these kids are having "accidents" and need to be changed???????

The director says she does not believe it will be an issue and refuses to discuss it anymore. She has no kids of her own, and NO experience with not-potty trained kids, only elem aged kids...!!!!!

i'm not even sure how to approach it anymore....school starts Tuesday for the 4-5's and 2 weeks later for the 3's.
there are still so many things not settled, the bathroom issue is onyl 1 thing, thedrop off/pickup procedures are also whacked..we wont even go there.....

What should i say? what would the montessori way of handling this be??

[wrzos]

I think the bathrooms down the hall is a tough one. I know at our school, the children are required to be potty-trained prior to beginning. The bathrooms are inside the classroom, and the asst. will help if the child asks, or takes an inordinate amount of time. Otherwise, the children are expected to be independent users of the toilet.

I do know that there are lots of accidents, particularly at the beginning of the year. They treat them matter of factly, and the child is provided his box of spare clothing, where they they clean up themselves and re-dress themselves.

Not sure any of this is helpful to you....

[spedteacher30]

my little one is not consistent with the toilet either. We were at orientation last night, and when I pressed the guide, she said, "send him to school in underwear and lots and lots of changes of clothing. the bigger kids will help him figure it out."

I don't know. I hope she is right...

[Mum2JocelynAngus]

At ours, all the kids are supposed to be potty-trained, but I have spotted pull-ups in a few lockers. The bathrooms are not just down the hall, they are down a flight of stairs, but it doesn't seem to be a problem. When one child needs to go, the assistant asks other kids & takes a group down.

[BCFD]

DD's school is in an older style ranch home that has been renovated and turned into a school. The bathroom is a shared bathroom between a class of 12 and a class of 24 students (2 toilets). The teachers in DD's school have the children use the toilet about every hour - before outside play, after lunch/before nap, and I'm sure a couple of times in the afternoon. They all line up on a little rug by the bathroom and wait their turn. It seems with that many children it would be chaos, but they work it out. For example, the class of 12 is 1/2 hour ahead of the class of 24 with outside play and lunch, so it's never 36 kids all waiting in line.

In another school we looked at (and almost sent DD2 there) they had a great system with "potty watches". All the kids wore a watch and they could be set to go off as frequently as you'd like. When all the watches go off, the teacher stops and takes the class to the toilets together. It's great because they all do it together, so peer pressure works. That group of kids was from 18 mo. - 3ish.

It will work out. Ditch the pull ups, put DC in cotton undies and send about 5 changes of clothes.

[KBecks]

I have been nervous about this issue as we get ready for school. Alek is doing well and has few accidents.... but.... if he's engrossed he can forget.... and..... he is not great with wiping or pulling up his clothing. I just imagine him walking out of the toilet with his underwear and shorts down!

I am wondering whether I need to bring this up with his teacher, or whether Alek will make a few mistakes and then decide to pull up his clothes. He's been practicing but he gets frustrated with it at home. I'm trying to encourage him to pull up his underwear and shorts, without pushing him too much.

Sorry for the total hijack!

I am right now thinking about just sending him and letting him deal with it, but maybe I should mention it to he teachers? They say kids should be totally independent..... and.... we're SO close, but not quite there.

[BCFD]

When my oldest started, I was worried that she wouldn't be able to reach the potty, there would be no stools for her, she would have a fear of falling into the toilet because there was no "potty topper". She just climbed right up and went. If they have problems pulling up their pants, the teacher will help. Don't worry about that! Just put him in easy to pull up and down pants. I made a bunch of pants with elastic waist bands for DD and she does great.

She is so sensitive and scared of everything and was just starting to use the potty 100% when she started at her first school. I thought I was going to throw up because she wouldn't be able to wipe herself or be scared and keep having accidents. She just went right in like no big deal. The fear was all mine.

Hang in there mama.

[Koloe]

I understand the feeling. My DD has the peeing in the potty down pat, except on rare occasions. It's the pooping in the potty that's a problem. Rarely will go on her own and never at DC. I keep telling her she won't be able to go to school if she doesn't start going in the potty, as they have a must be potty trained rule as well.

I can see mine just skipping pulling up the underwear/pants and running around with no bottoms at school just because she can. At least until they catch her.

[eepster]

DS hasn't quite gotten the PL thing down yet either (in fact I just posted a thread about it over in toddlers.) The only M school that will take him unPLed is out of our price range (we didn't get the scholarship .)

One of the others that we visited though seemed extremely relaxed about accidents and said that if we could just get him into the underwear. They also said that being around other kids going potty usually firmed up the skills. Also, they indicated they had many kids who started the year having multiple accidents a day and those parents just provided several pairs of pants. This was a half day program in a church setting. I got the feeling the main reason they couldn't take kids in diapers had to do with how the state regulates these things (something about changing facilities.)

Another one I looked seemed more serious about PLing. This school is semipublic. It's run by the cities recreation dept in a public building. However they have a later age cut off. Most of the preKs that I've looked at will take DS this year at 2.5 yo, this one won't take him till next year when he is a full 3 yo. It's also a full day and the kids wear uniforms, so multiple changes would be an issue.

If they are saying it's not a problem, then they probably mean that they don't mind dealing with multiple accidents while the kids get the skill fully mastered.

[tatermom]

This was something I worried about a lot a few months ago. When DS turned 3 we had just ditched the diapers and he was still very inconsistent. But in the past few months he's really gotten the system down, and while he was at his 3 weeks of "summer camp" at his M school this summer he only had 1 accident the whole time. A month or two can really make a big difference once you (and your DC) are really committed to PL. I think the teacher is right that it will be less of a big deal than you think it will. If the kids are all wearing underwear and know the expectation that they will use the potty, the group influence will reinforce that. I bet there will be a lot fewer accidents that you think there will be, and if I were you I'd just send a bunch of changes of clothing and let the teachers handle it. The first week might be rocky but I'll be they all have the potty system down by the end of the first month!

[Flor]

Our school has bathrooms in the classroom but non-potty trained kids are welcomed. They potty train them. I think dss would have learned much faster at school then from me. With me it was a bit of a battle, but I think just watching the other kids go is a big help. The kids usually leave the door open, so they really do get role models!
However, I do think it is crazy that this lady doesn't have a plan. Maybe after a few days of reality she'll get a clue?