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How do I decide btwn NFP or FAM?

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 
I need to start educating myself on one or the other; youngest ds is 12 wks. I started my moon again at 6 wks pp with both of my boys, and I ebf and bf on demand or just for fun!And I'm tandem nursing! but I don't know the difference btwn FAM and NFP. Thanks for your help!
post #2 of 9
NFP means you abstain during fertile times, FAM means you use a back up method like condoms or foam or diaphragm or cap.
NFP is generally favored by people who believe in not using artificial contraception for religious reasons, or who cannot use a barrier method due to allergies.
but otherwise, they are exactly the same method.
post #3 of 9
Karen, I don't know if you saw this before or after we talked on the phone about it, so, what Elphaba said. It was right there in TCOYF on page 4 -- how long did you have that book from me and you did not even get to page 4? I hope you found a copy at the Bookstore, or you can check it out from our LLL Library. I will talk to you tomorrow! BTW, I got the SB pictures -- thanks!
post #4 of 9
I spent 18 months certifying to teach NFP and have been successfully using NFP for 3 years. From conversations with our students, I have learned that few people are knowledgable on the long term effects of contraception on marriage.

I am not saying that NFP will divorce-proof your relationship, but the divorce rate for couples who use NFP-only is about 5%, compared to the 50% divorce rate for every other "group" (such as Catholics, Orthodox Jews, Evangelical Christians, liberals, conservatives, software gurus, vegans, nudists, etc.) IMO, it is one of the best things we can do for our relationships.

Good luck.
post #5 of 9
What you said about NFP resulting in fewer divorces was interesting. Now I want to know more...what do you think it is about NFP that makes for a more committed relationship?
post #6 of 9

IMHO - Why NFP builds better marriages

Hi Notyetamamma,

It is difficult to answer briefly, but here it goes…

In a broad sense, both FAM and NFP foster more frequent, deeper communication as couples discuss how they will handle the fertile days. NFP differs in its approach; however, because it requires abstinence during the fertile days. I think NFP also teaches couples how to express their love in a non-sexual way. The intentional, non-sexual communicating leads to more time spent talking, for instance, “why are we trying to have a baby/trying not to have a baby?” Sex is wonderful, but some couples use sex to medicate their relationship. For spouses who struggle with expressing their emotions, NFP can be a great tool for intimacy.

In addition, the periodic abstinence begets a little honeymoon at the end of each cycle. I adore the way my husband clings to me when we enter Phase III (the post-ovulatory infertile time), like a man quenching a long, dry thirst. And I long to be with him! With NFP, you abstain on behalf of a shared goal. You are still embracing each other fully, still accepting each other wholly. This is different than contracepting women, who may feel used during sex, and contracepting men, who may feel like their sperm are to be avoided at all costs!

NFP also relies on a mutual commitment. Each partner sacrifices short term pleasure on behalf of the other. How often is this skill needed in marriage? Contrary to popular thought, abstinence never gets easier. It does take discipline, and like a muscle, the more often it’s exercised, the stronger it is. Through NFP, spouses regularly make sacrifices for one another. So, when the time comes for one to sacrifice the $150 highlights (personal experience), the new golf clubs, the bigger house, the big career, whatever it is, for their spouse (and possibly their children), the better prepared they are to do so.

Lastly, some couples find that NFP draws them closer spiritually. Regardless of what book they’re reading, when a couple is on the same page spiritually, there will be less strife over the really big questions: how do we raise our kids? how much money/time should we donate to philanthropy? should we switch jobs? is it time to move to another town? do we have another child? The scientists out there will note the lower divorce may be attributed to couples who start out their marriages in a better, more communicative relationship. Certainly there is truth in that logic. But that would not explain the 50+% divorce rate for non NFP couples. I hope this would not restrict us, who know of its benefits to marriage, from sharing this effective, natural, family planning tool with others.

Hope that helps. If you're interested in reading the actual studies(as I was when I first heard the stats), let me know and I will send you the info.

post #7 of 9
VERy interesting stuff, and it makes a lot of sense!!!! DH and I may have to check into a "class" in our neck of the woods. Thanks foir the explination
post #8 of 9

Atlanta area NFP instructors

CathToria --

Just now read your message, sorry for the long delay....here is a link to NFP instructors in GA. http://www.ccli.org/learn/search.shtml

There are two couples based in Atlanta. We instructors teach for free, but there is an optional fee for materials.

Good luck,

James & Denise Dale
Atlanta GA
United States

Daniel & Aline Sanchez
Atlanta GA
United States
post #9 of 9

Our practical experience with FAM

We used FAM (thank you Toni Weschler!!!!!!!!!) for 9 months to prevent pregnancy and used it for the 6 months trying to conceive. I'm now a mama-to-be sometime in late spring 2004.

In our experience, FAM brought us closer together because it raised our awareness of what was happening inside my body and how we could choose to start making a baby at any time.

I enjoyed reading the information about NFP and learned a lot about the subtle differences between FAM and NFP. From my practical point of view, I just plain feel a lot sexier during my ovulatory phases and like to have the freedom to act on that, albeit with a secondary birth control method in place. For us, lovemaking has many different purposes (making a baby, expressing our love, relieving stress, just having fun, etc.) and we recognize this. Also, having a "little honeymoon at the end of each cycle" sounds interesting, but I'm not sure if it's for me.

mama-to-be in late spring 2004
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