Two different worlds

[dadaof2]

My girlfriend and I split because of my anger. I lost my temper over something stupid and broke up with her. I thought it was going to be one of these two day things. It going on two months now. We had two children, a son thats one and a daughter that is three. I've said I'm sorry but it seems not and have gotten ahold on my temper and have not lost it in over a month and a half. I believe in the all natural and organic living, like she, but I work two jobs to afford this type of living. But today I found her looking on a dating site Greensingles.com and she is looking for someone else. I"m supporting her and the kids. I have no problem supporting my kids, I love doing it and love being a father, but I feel that I should not have to support her living under my roof while she is looking for some one else. I try talking about but she clams up and does not want to talk about it. I love her with all my heart and really want to make things work seeing that we have been together five years. What I'm asking for is if anyone has gone thorough something like this, please help and tell me what you think i should do. And seeing that i have no time to find fun things to do that are up hers and mine alley please help there too.
Thank

[Mulvah]

I am sorry you are going through this. I would recommend counseling, both alone and together.

[moriboi]

hey dada0f2

ex and I were married in aug of 01', had our son two months later..quick right? thats a whole nother story. had our doughter is 04' and split up in 06'

it was because of issues with my parents, poor job security, but mosty my temper. the anger issues, i loved the married life, she was my best friend, the only friend i ever needed, could talk to her about anything. loved being a father and a husband. for the most part, i was easy going, not much bothered me. and if something did bug me, we would talk about it, or let it slide... a few times i lost my temper, pushing her out of a door way (while she was holding dd) so i could "get thru" or grabing her by the arm and pulling her out of the car.

when i think of it now, i can't remember what we were arguing about those times. she asked me to get counseling about my anger issues, i never did,

the first year of our separation i spend with old friends, getting trashed at a local bar. made alotta new "friends", this was a waste of time. i dated a few people. some she new about, others id rather she didnt know about.

she started dating in feb of 08', its hard to see her get all dressed up for someone else. as i sit home with the kids, mins passing like hours. trying to keep my mind off what might be going on.

i tried to keep this short, cause were talking about your issues, not mine. =.

so heres what i think you should do,

Do get some counseling,
Do help out in anyway you can,
Don't spy on her... breaks trusts bonds.
Don't argue trusts bonds with her.
Don't try and "one up" her.



if you really love her with all of your heart. you'll do what YOU need to do to fix yourself. don't focuson whats wrong with her.

[triplex]

sorry to hear that.

i recommend having a real conversation with her. tell her you love her and your willing to do whatever it takes to make things work (only if you actually are). ask her if she still loves you, and if she wants to work things out with you, or if she is done with the relationship and wants to move on.

i know it's not what you want to hear, but if she's actively looking for another man, it sounds like she's already checked out of the relationship. don't beat yourself up too bad. assuming you weren't abusive or anything like that, it's very rarely 100% one person's fault, and the last episode is just the straw that broke the proverbial camels back.

i was in a kind of but not really similiar situation to you. a girl i was seeing got pregnant about a month after we first hooked up. soon after she started showing her true colors and i grew to really dislike her. long story short, i stayed in the relationship for three years for my daughter, but the fact that i didn't love her, grew two much for my daughters mother and she ended the relationship.

i didn't love her and it sent me through some heavy heart wrenching emotions, so i can only imagine what your feeling.

anyway, we tried living together while seeing other people and it very rapidly became clear it wasn't going to work out.

you need an honest answer from her. without knowing any details other then what's in your short post, it sounds like she wants her cake and to eat it too. just because you love her, doesn't mean you should let her take advantage of you or the situation, and if she's letting you work two jobs to support her while she's actively looking for another mate, she is indeed taking advantage of you.

does she work? if she does tell you that the relationship is over for her, she needs to contribute half the expenses while she's there, and she needs to move out.

tell her you will help her however you can to make the transition as easy as possible, but that it's just to painful for you to see her move on with her life, and that your hurt can't start to heal until your able to move on, which you can't do while you guys are still together.

now if she does say she wants to make things work, make it clear and in no uncertain terms that you can't handle either of you seeing other people.