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Originally Posted by pumpkinmom2  i would worry more about your own children holding resentment against your "weird ways". they will know pretty early on that there family is different or not mainstream. if the children who were raised by two totaly different parenting styles get along, then thats great, but i would imagine the kids would like differnt things anyway, a mainstream kid would probably would be "bored" at your house and not want to be friends with your children anyway.
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I don't find this to be true. The kids in our neighborhood that my kids play with the most have heavy exposure to media that I consider to be age in-appropriate (as in 1st person shooter video games for the 9 year old). They get along with my kids really well. They like to play the same things.
I've talked to the parents and they are very understanding that I don't want my kids watching things rated other than G (video games E), and they're OK with it. The kids don't comment on it, my kids haven't noticed so far. When they do, we'll talk about it.
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Originally Posted by pumpkinmom2 what i wonder is it okay to impart strong views on them when they are not old enough to know all the angles and make a choice for themselves? when they are old enough, will you let them form their own opinion? i wonder this about religion also, does a ten yo child belive in his faith because that is what he was tought and how he was raised, or would you let him change his religion when he gathered his own info and believed something other than what you do. this is the same for not eating meat, thinking that watching tv is awful, or any other strong value you hold.
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There's a difference between imparting a strong faith (taking the religion example) and sequestering a child from all information. Going to church was a requirement in my parents' household. BUT, they were also willing to discuss religion and why they believed what they believed. The actively chose NOT to send us to Catholic grade school (they are Catholic) because they felt it was too narrow and wanted us to be exposed to a greater variety of people and ideas. They
told us this. I don't remember how old we were, I know I was aware of this when I was about 9-10.
For my own kids, I preach "everything in moderation". As a result, I'm not as crunchy as some people here. No, we don't have a TV in our living room. No, we don't watch a lot of it. But we're not TV free.
Yes, we cook meals from scratch and try to eat a range of foods. But we eat sugar. Kraft Mac 'n cheese graces my cupboard
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Yes, I nursed until dd was age 4. Yes, we co-sleep (part of the night -- dd starts in her own bed.) No, I didn't really talk to my neighbors about it. We don't use lawn chemicals (much to the consternation of several neighbors and the fascist neighborhood association who keep trying to fine us for having "too many weeds"). But we just explain it by saying "my kids play on this lawn."
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Originally Posted by pumpkinmom2 if you let them be who they are with guidence and obviously keep them from real danger would their own personality choose the same things you do? if they would, then they wont care if you are not mainstream because they would believe that they are making the right choice for them. (i am speaking of school age children not toddlers.)
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See, I would argue that by the time they reach middle school, it's not so much "making the right choice for them" but guiding their own choices and helping them think things through. Exposing them to different things and talking things through. Explaining why we feel strongly about some things and not others. Helping them to research.
For my own family, each of the 5 kids goes to church and is fairly active in our church. Nearly all of us went through a period where we didn't go to church/were not very active. 2 of us do not go to Catholic churches because we married men who are not Catholic, and our spouses were not willing to convert. My parents made it abundantly clear that they were OK with this. They're not hung up on denominations.
Hmm.. not sure I've articulated this very well, but ds wants me to play Cadoo with him, and he has told me he needs some "Mommy time" so I'd better go foster that connection!
. So far she doesn't seem to have suffered from the things we do that are out of the mainstream like eating organic, free range meat and even then not everyday. Or sending her to school with carrot sticks instead of cookies for recess snack. It could be she just adapted and figured if she's going to be different because her parents are lame (she called us that this morning) she might as well be cool different.
). Despite our different reactions to the weirdness of our family, we all love and accept one another, and are all pretty happy, well adjusted, self suffcient, adults with good support systems of family and friends 
. I think we all took different lessons from our parents choices when we were young, but I also don't think any of us would change our childhood. Now, my Mom is also very accepting and tolerant of each of our unique personalities (yes, even the sorority sister), and had a lot of trust in us to make good decisions, and helped to support us overcome our mistakes when we made less then stellar decisions, and so I'm sure that helped. I think love, support, community and family connections are what are most important -- that's what makes a "normal" family life in my mind and helps any child overcome what feels weird to them. At least it did for us (even though we manifested it in different ways). HTH
