Moms of closely spaced siblings, please tell me it will get better!

[njbeachgirl]

I have a 19mo and a 2 week old and I feel like I can never keep everyone happy. My 2 week old is one big growth spurt and nurses every 1.5 hours. I feel so guilty for doing this to my 19mo who had 100% of my attention before. She is very sensitive and starts screaming whenever the baby cries which is basically anytime there is not a boob in his mouth. I feel it must be so boring for DD now- anytime we are playing anything I basically just have to watch her play while I nurse him, and it's a lot harder to get out and about like we used to.

Please tell me it will get a little easier when he is a bit older?

[annethcz]

Yes, it really will get better. It sounds like you're at the stage where you're trying to figure out how to parent two children with different needs at the same time. It can be a tough skill to learn, no doubt. But you will find your groove.

I have 4 kids with a 3.5 year age difference between and oldest and youngest. Sure, some days are rough. But for the most part, it's great spacing for our family and the kids enjoy their siblings tremendously

[AngelBee]

It gets SOOOOOOOOOOO much better!

It is so hard at first though

[hockeywoman]

Originally Posted by annethcz

Yes, it really will get better. It sounds like you're at the stage where you're trying to figure out how to parent two children with different needs at the same time. It can be a tough skill to learn, no doubt. But you will find your groove.

I have 4 kids with a 3.5 year age difference between and oldest and youngest. Sure, some days are rough. But for the most part, it's great spacing for our family and the kids enjoy their siblings tremendously

I also have a 3.5 year age difference between my oldest and youngest. They get along great (most of the time) and entertain each other (most of the time). They love their siblings a lot and keep asking when we can get more

[JulesM]

OMG I was so in your shoes almost 2 yrs ago. I had a kindergartener, a 15 mo and an newborn, AND DH was deployed. I couldn't seem to do anything. We were strictly in survival mode. It does get better. One thing I learned was everyone has to learn to wait their turn, even the newborn. That meant sometime the baby had to cry for a few minutes, like getting the big kids out of the tub or changing big sis' diaper. Baby didn't like it, but I didn't have a choice. I couldn't leave a poppy diaper on the middle one and I couldn't turn the older 2 into prunes because I couldn't get them out of the tub. A bouncy chair and swing were my lifesavers. I didn't use them all day, but in those moments when I needed a free hand they were so helpful. I could put the baby in the bouncer and set it on the bathroom floor while I took a shower or bathed the big kids.

After a couple months it definately gets better. YOU can do it and I promise your kids won't end up scarred for life.

[ChetMC]

Way Better

It gets way better. Our two oldest kids are 16 months apart. Now they have each other for company and they play together for hours on end. They enjoy the same toys, books and games. They wear the same clothes. It was tough in the beginning, but it was worth it.

There are a lot of things you can do with a toddler while you're nursing. Does your older child like reading stories, making up stories or singing songs? What about toys like shape sorters and stackers? Puppets? Or a game of find and show... while you nurse you ask her to find me a ball, show me your foot, find something green, etc.

I found so many benefits to having closely spaced children. The only really hard part was when two kids needed me at once, and there was no way to do both things at the same time. I really felt awful prioritizing a baby and a toddler. However, as they get older you'll be able to achieve more and more parallelism, and you'll be able to figure out how to do a surprising number of things simultaneously, or to do things pre-emptively before a situation escalates.

The other thing that helped in the beginning was visiting family and friends. Then there was an extra set of hands, some adult company for me, maybe another child for older DD to play with.

[ledzepplon]

Originally Posted by AngelBee

It gets SOOOOOOOOOOO much better!

It is so hard at first though

Yes! Mine are 4 and 2.5, and *most* of the time, they play together very sweetly. Dd is now old enough that she requires less constant "help," and ds wants to be just like her.

Does your 19 mo like reading stories with you? Dd and I did this a lot while ds was nursing. Now they both love story time.

You will find your groove, mama. And they won't be this little for long.

[Mackenzie]

Originally Posted by AngelBee

It gets SOOOOOOOOOOO much better!

It is so hard at first though

Exactly that. My older two are 22 months apart. It got easier, and actually much sooner than between middle and youngest (3.5 years apart)

[Nekawa Ma]

It really does get easier! Mine are 20 months apart. And while I still have the occasional pang of guilt for not having enough time for everything, when I see my two babies enjoying each other it fills me with so much joy. Hang in there, and do what you can to take care of yourself. It's a learning curve for sure, and soooo worth it.

[crittersmom]

It does get easier.I have a three year gap and then two 16 month gaps.It is hard in those first months, I don't think I got out of survival mode until they were about 6 months old each time.Now rather than hunkering down all the time it sometimes just lasts a week.(last week I dealt with nasty flu in the younger two and now we are catching up with all the laundry).I gave up on making sure there is a bath every single day.We also take advantage of sitting and reading time.Now my youngest follows his sister around and plays dolls with her or cars with his brothers.
(((hugs))) it will get better.

[Mom2Boy&Girl]

The first year sucked. I'm not going to lie. But it was all worth it. Nowadays, they are each other's best friend .... they play so well together, they look for each other when they wake up and they have the best giggle fits at the dinner table. I also love that developmentally, they're almost on par with each other -- they appreciate the same stuff when we go to the zoo or the children's museum, and they can do the same stuff (like when we went to Disney in May). I'm really looking forward to next year ... I'm anticipating that my DD will be potty learned in the next 4-5 months and that means no more diapers!!! Woohoo!!!

I'm sooo glad that they are spaced this way. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

[Blucactus]

It gets better.
Mine are 2.5 and 10 mo now, they are 22 mo apart.
It doesn't ever get easy, but it does get better.
Some days it's even enjoyable.
LOL.

[hopefulfaith]

It is hard - not gonna lie ... the first year is soooo hard. Everyone needs something all of the time, simultaneously!

The second year, though, has been just getting better and better. Mine are 15 months apart, and they are now 36 and 21 months old now (3 and almost 2!) - it has been great that they enjoy playing the same types of things together - and when they aren't fighting (!) they are each other's best friend. Sarah wakes up and looks for her brother, and Adam will stop what he's doing to go and find "his Sarah" sometimes.

Hang in there! I promise it gets better.

[Ruthla]

My girls are 16.5m apart.

It started to get a little easier when DD2 was 3mo, and old enough to get bored/be entertained by her big sister for 2 minutes at a time. I could have a breather while they played nicely in the next room- well within earshot!

When DD2 started crawling, the 2 of them started really playing together (and fighting over toys.)

By the time they were 2 and 3 they were completely playing together, and it was actually easier than when DS was that age and needed somebody to entertain him. Things stayed easy with them from 2 and 3 until they were about 9 and 10. Then they hit puberty and all hell broke loose.

[Justmee]

Yes, it gets so much better. Gosh I can hardly remember having 3 kids under 18 months anymore, I'm sure it was a blur. But yes, when Rivka started sitting up, when they could show her toys, even when she was 2 or 3 months and happy to sit in the bouncy chair for afew while the girls made funny faces at her, it was so much better. NOw they are 4, 4, 3 and let me tell you it's wonderful! They do a lot of the same things together, they go to bed together, get up together, play with the same toys, same friends, etc. Teh park that is approprite for 1 is appropriate for all 3. Really, it *does* get better!! LOTS better.

[TranscendentalMom]

Mine are 2.5 years apart so not quite that close but yeah, it definitely gets better. Mine are 5 and 3 now - dare I say that this summer has been.....easy?

My advice - get all the help you can. Relatives, mothers helpers, babysitters, DON'T FEEL GUILTY. Most moms I know wish they got more help when in your situation. I've never met anyone who said they regret getting help. Otherwise the whole experience becomes a nightmare and you feel like both kids are getting the shaft. I know this depends on your older childs tempermant or other factors in your situation, but when my ds was 2 he did one of those moms morning out preschools a few mornings a week. We found a great place that had a Montessori curriculum and it was a lifesaver. I mean literally felt like a lifesaver. Mostly I would drop off ds, come home with dd and she & I would literally collapse for a nap. Plus gave me some time to just coo and bliss out with my baby without worrying about giving ds attention. It also helped that almost every toddler in the morning program had a new baby at home...so they all had their own place to talk about THEIR baby sister or brother at home. My kids really get along great now and play all day long. Whenever anyone asks dd who her best friend is she says ds.

Now I really like having 2 kids close together. But when I had a baby and a toddler - that was the hardest time of my life.

[njbeachgirl]

Thanks for all of the replies, they are so encouraging!

I have definitely not been shy about accepting help from family this time around We have some easier days and some harder but overall we are getting used to it a little more.

[hempmama]

It will get better! And then it will get worse, and then it will get AWESOME.

Right now you are having to learn on a visceral level that you cannot be all things to both children at all times. That is going to be an amazing gift to your children in time, but for now it sucks. The first year gets bumpily better over time, then 12-16 months just kind of bites. 12-16 month olds are hard to live with, most especially if you are 2. Then the younger one gets through it a little, and voila! Amazing sibling relationship. They'll start playing together crazy early, and you'll be so glad you have two kids who enjoy each other's company and play well together instead of being right at the starting line again. My first two (17 months apart, now 4 and 2.5) are practically inseparable.

[reece19]

Mine are almost 10 months apart - the first year sucked. They didn't sleep EVER (it seemed), and one could walk but not for long, and two strollers sucked. It just went on and on. There were plenty of great times, too, but mostly I remember being very sleepy all the time! It definitely gets better! They learn to keep each other entertained and then you get a break for such luxuries as naps and showers

[becoming]

Deep breaths. It is going to get SOOO much better. 100% better. I promise.

My younger two are 20 months apart, and when the littlest was a newborn, I seriously thought I would lose my mind every single day there for a while. There just wasn't enough of me to go around. I can still feel exactly how it felt--it was so hard. But now they are 33 months and 13 months, and they are best buddies. They play so well together, and DD (the older one) thinks DS2 is just the best thing that ever happened. I'm really glad now that they're close in age. Would I do it again? NO WAY. But the really hard stuff is over. I think it was around 5 months when I finally started thinking, "Okay. This might turn out okay."

Congrats on your new baby! I promise promise promise it will get better.