My stepson has been living between two homes for the past 6 years. I have so many problems with this on so many levels. First, we live 45 min from my stepsons mom and school. He has been visiting us every wed, thurs and everyother thurs, fri, sat, sun, and mon. Just a little background my dss mother is working on her 4th marriage. She marries for money and takes what she can and then divorces. She actually bragged to me about living with one guy 5 years to save money for a new condo. She also never really deeply bonded with her son. She has been leaving him home by himself since he was 9 years old. Also, she does not allow him to have friends over because she does not want the house a mess. She has left him home from school sick by himself and even left him home during a tropical storm. In addition, when he was little she broke his are chasing him to punish him. She does however, have him in private school in which my dh pays half, her son is more like a novelty. She is not a warm and friendly mom. She does not like animals or small children. She only cares about her botox and how things look. My dh pays child support, colloge prepaid fund and all medical expenses. My problem is that my dh is trying to fix the lack of mother by bringing him to our house and expecting me to be mom not stepmom. However, he is dragged one day here one day there and never has any stability. He also spends the night at his step grandparents from the last marriage. In addition, his biological grandparents are deseased and he has on grandma on his moms side who is ice cold like the mom. As a matter of fact dss never even mentions her. DSS also has a half sister from mothers first marriage. The half sister no longer lives at the home as she is 22years old however, she treats dss poorly. I feel really bad for the life my dss lives. I have tried to give him morals and values. I have gone to his school for his birthday with cupcakes (his mother would never do that) The mother sets a bad example by talking about money, trips and by the way she treats others terribly. My dh said when they were married he was embarrassed to go out to eat because she would yell at the staff and treat them like trash. I know my dh is a good father and he carries so much guilt. I have tried to tell dh he could live with us full time but he said the mom would never go for it. (Probably it would make her look bad). I told dh maybe he should let dss stay at moms house more and just meet him for dinner. Like I said dss school is 45 min away in another county so when he has school they have to leave at 6:45 am and many times he doesnt pick him up until 6:00 in the evening and they get home at around 7:00 with traffic. I have other kids and my dss is oftentimes mean because he says I am home with them. When my dd was born he was saying things like, "what would happen if hot chocolate spilled on her". We took him to a therapist after that. Also, he tried to push my duaghter down the steps she is three years younger. (she was 5 at the time and he was 8). On the flip side he does have good qualities he is neat and for the most part respectful. I just feel like my life is a revolving door. Its hard when he is one day here one day gone. It is disruptive to him and the entire family. But dh is the one who won't let him go. He gets upset if the son has a birthday party during his time because he thinks he should be with us. My dss is going to be 13 and I feel a bad mother is better than no mother. He needs a home and a life. I keep telling dh but he thinks he can make everything right. I feel like a babysitter. When my dss is home with me he just goes to his room. I also, dont want dss to grow up and think it is ok to get married many times like his mom. His mom is only 46 years old and is working on the 4 the fourth marriage. She is back with a guy she lived with for 5 years and took the money to buy a condo. I dont have any answers. My dss has made comments of how lucky my daughters are to have me home with them. Any ideas. Is my thinking wrong. I don't want my dh stop seeing his son only to make it easier on dss. Rather than bring him up during the week take him out to dinner or something. Advice anyone?
post #1 of 30
8/1/08 at 5:12pm