No, No, No!!

[amnda527]

I have a first time mom kinda question for all of you!
Lilah is a year old, and is starting to need some re-direction. I prefer the gentle approach, and I really don't want to yell "No!" at her for every little thing. For instance, when she slaps at my face I know she isn't meaning to hurt me. I take her hand and show her "gentle". Then we move on. If she goes to grab something I don't want her having I give her something she can have. So far we are doing well with this plan! The problem has to do with my mom. (Of course, that's where most of these threads go!) When Lilah hits at my mom, or anyone else within her sight, she has to put on her "angry face" and say NO!. It's realllly annoying. Sometimes she will even pretend to cry so Lilah will see she did something wrong. I guess it isn't that big a deal, but I just don't want to even begin going down this road with her. At first I just let it go, but now I realize that pretty much everytime we see my mom (at least once a week) she has to say No about something. So I want to stop this before it really escalates. What should I say to my mom though? Should I just tell her that me and dh are trying not to use "no" so much? Is it ok for me to force my parenting techniques on her??

[lilyka]

No by any other name is still no it is just more confusing. I prefer "Stop" because it actually tells them what to do.

If you don't want your mom to say no perhaps you can tell what youwould like for her to say. I think that often works best for parents. if you make them a part of your team. "Mom, she does seem to be picking up a bad habit there. i think it would be best if we all use the same words and same redirection. Instead of what you are doing could yu please say "stop" and then show her how to touch gently? That is what we have found to work best but it would help us out if she saw thats how her dear grandma felt also"

[EXOLAX]

We "educated" family members on our approach and also explained why. My in-laws natural parenting instinct was to yell "No" and smack hands. DH took the physical issues on and was very direct about them. I took the "goofy-first-time-mom" approach with the rest. Sometimes it's about understanding your audience. Simply I told them I didn't like the word "No" because I didn't want DD1 saying it. Then I told them what we did. It was a bumpy road with MIL for awhile who was so paranoid about doing something wrong and thought I was very wacky, but after much discourse and a few years she's sold. I used the education approach with anyone who would have lots of contact with DD's. They're all trained now and didn't need any help with DD2. The in-laws are actually offering advice based on our parenting style now to BIL and his wife.

[maliceinwonderland]

My SO told his mom we don't use "no" because it just makes it a game to ds. Seemed to work although his mom is definitely more of the type to just wait for me to do something, so it sounds like she's easier to deal with anyway.