OK. This will be a bit long because I want to give a little background, as I think it impacts the overall conversation we had and future conversations we will have.
So here's the background:
Mom bf'd all seven of us kids. All but me, past one year of age. All of us so far have bf'd biological kids - me, the longest (2 1/2 years with Ina, going strong with SJ); another sister weans promptly at 1 year; and the other wasn't able to let down well for the pump, so quickly ended up on a ff-while-gone and bf-while-home schedule, never bf'd past 10 months with her three.
The sister in question, has two children. The first was adopted and for many reasons, they decided that adoptive lactation wouldn't work for them. They however always held her bottle and held her like she was nursing while she was bottlefed. Then they had this miracle baby .... My sister had really started doing a lot of defensive talk about ff/bf while #1 was small, but since we always bf - she bfs this little one. Had some struggles (a bad latch) but got on track and at 3 months, her little one has only had a bottle a couple times (and refuses them actually). About a month ago, she mentioned in a call how sad she was that an old college friend whose babe was born about the same time as #2, had already weaned and asked, "Why would someone wean so young?"
So, we're talking about how to help her little one transition to bottles when she starts daycare when my sister returns to work, and about pumping at work etc. (she's a teacher) -- and she says, "Hey, d'you know, what happens when you wean? Because I'm going to wean at six months."
So, I asked why and she said that "Well, it's just not for everyone you know." And then said - bfing just takes so much time, she doesn't enjoy it. That she spends all evening nursing and she's tired of it. And after all, #1 is wonderful and great and turned out awesome despite being ff'd, and "It's not like formula hurts babies."
So I said, well - #1 needed formula because that's all you could give her and obviously she'd have been in terrible shape if it weren't available. FF saves the lives of babies who can't have breastmilk. But, breastmilk is recommended for a *minimum* of one year (or two depending on source), and the reason for that is that there are tons of documented research studies showing that breastfed babies do better than ff'd babies.
So she says, well, ff'd kids do just fine in school and my little ff'd baby is smart.
And I said - hey, it's not about IQ. Let's talk about the fact that ff'd infants are at greater risk of EI's and disease than their counterparts, in the short term.
She responded that she figures that bfing as long as she will have, will be somewhat protective and preventive for that.
I told her, yes, but not entirely and it will wear off. And mentioned a good friend who weaned her first at 9 months and ended up with tubes in his ears, and bf'd the other two past a year - fewer EIs and no tubes.
And then reminded her that bfing prevents things long-term - obesity, diabetes, cancers etc. that sometimes don't show up until people are in their 40's or older.
She says, "Yes, it's really about the baby, not me."
And I told her, but it's about you too - because bf protects against breast cancer etc. And she replies - well, if I get breast cancer I'm just getting a masectomy.
Anyway .... my summary is a bit jumbled I fear. I was trying to be calm and reasonable and not come across as if I were judging or bossing, but wanted to make sure she was informed, too. I told her that she's got plenty of time, and to make sure she researches her decision.
I don't know if I'll bring it up again (I might send an email with a link to the AAFP statement that talks about increased risks between 1 and 2 years of age) .... I know that my sisters who haven't nursed past a year, are going to be relatively supportive and in the end, it's great that she's bf'd this long especially with her worries that she would be 'favoring' her biological baby over her adopted baby ....
My big question to her which we didn't get into was, "What would you be doing instead of nursing, during the evenings?" I don't know if she's getting pressured (or pressuring herself) to want to be keeping up on housework, or something. She said she felt tied down. I suggested a wrap or sling and to nurse while doing things ....
Anyway, any suggestions for things I missed in case this comes up again or ways to approach it? I don't want to pressure her too much; I know CLW and nursing beyond a year isn't for everyone. But I'd really like to support her in nursing a full year. And we had talked in the past about how she could transition to solids at daycare and not have to pump as much at work, etc. as I did with Ina .... so she had been thinking a full year at some point.
So here's the background:
Mom bf'd all seven of us kids. All but me, past one year of age. All of us so far have bf'd biological kids - me, the longest (2 1/2 years with Ina, going strong with SJ); another sister weans promptly at 1 year; and the other wasn't able to let down well for the pump, so quickly ended up on a ff-while-gone and bf-while-home schedule, never bf'd past 10 months with her three.
The sister in question, has two children. The first was adopted and for many reasons, they decided that adoptive lactation wouldn't work for them. They however always held her bottle and held her like she was nursing while she was bottlefed. Then they had this miracle baby .... My sister had really started doing a lot of defensive talk about ff/bf while #1 was small, but since we always bf - she bfs this little one. Had some struggles (a bad latch) but got on track and at 3 months, her little one has only had a bottle a couple times (and refuses them actually). About a month ago, she mentioned in a call how sad she was that an old college friend whose babe was born about the same time as #2, had already weaned and asked, "Why would someone wean so young?"
So, we're talking about how to help her little one transition to bottles when she starts daycare when my sister returns to work, and about pumping at work etc. (she's a teacher) -- and she says, "Hey, d'you know, what happens when you wean? Because I'm going to wean at six months."
So, I asked why and she said that "Well, it's just not for everyone you know." And then said - bfing just takes so much time, she doesn't enjoy it. That she spends all evening nursing and she's tired of it. And after all, #1 is wonderful and great and turned out awesome despite being ff'd, and "It's not like formula hurts babies."
So I said, well - #1 needed formula because that's all you could give her and obviously she'd have been in terrible shape if it weren't available. FF saves the lives of babies who can't have breastmilk. But, breastmilk is recommended for a *minimum* of one year (or two depending on source), and the reason for that is that there are tons of documented research studies showing that breastfed babies do better than ff'd babies.
So she says, well, ff'd kids do just fine in school and my little ff'd baby is smart.
And I said - hey, it's not about IQ. Let's talk about the fact that ff'd infants are at greater risk of EI's and disease than their counterparts, in the short term.
She responded that she figures that bfing as long as she will have, will be somewhat protective and preventive for that.
I told her, yes, but not entirely and it will wear off. And mentioned a good friend who weaned her first at 9 months and ended up with tubes in his ears, and bf'd the other two past a year - fewer EIs and no tubes.
And then reminded her that bfing prevents things long-term - obesity, diabetes, cancers etc. that sometimes don't show up until people are in their 40's or older.
She says, "Yes, it's really about the baby, not me."
And I told her, but it's about you too - because bf protects against breast cancer etc. And she replies - well, if I get breast cancer I'm just getting a masectomy.
Anyway .... my summary is a bit jumbled I fear. I was trying to be calm and reasonable and not come across as if I were judging or bossing, but wanted to make sure she was informed, too. I told her that she's got plenty of time, and to make sure she researches her decision.
I don't know if I'll bring it up again (I might send an email with a link to the AAFP statement that talks about increased risks between 1 and 2 years of age) .... I know that my sisters who haven't nursed past a year, are going to be relatively supportive and in the end, it's great that she's bf'd this long especially with her worries that she would be 'favoring' her biological baby over her adopted baby ....
My big question to her which we didn't get into was, "What would you be doing instead of nursing, during the evenings?" I don't know if she's getting pressured (or pressuring herself) to want to be keeping up on housework, or something. She said she felt tied down. I suggested a wrap or sling and to nurse while doing things ....
Anyway, any suggestions for things I missed in case this comes up again or ways to approach it? I don't want to pressure her too much; I know CLW and nursing beyond a year isn't for everyone. But I'd really like to support her in nursing a full year. And we had talked in the past about how she could transition to solids at daycare and not have to pump as much at work, etc. as I did with Ina .... so she had been thinking a full year at some point.
