"Quit" better then "no"?

[OhDang]

My friend has a 16 month old little girl. If she is for example, grabbing something she isn't supposed to, her mom says quit and redirects her into something else. It seems to work.

They have stairs at their house and the little girl always trys to climb up them every chance she gets. So they got a baby gate to attach to the bottom of the stairs but she still goes up to the gate and whines about going up to the top of the stairs. So she says "Quit" and she does.

I was watching her for the weekend and her mom told me to tell her to quit if she started whining about something. When her mom left she was whining a little bit because she wanted to go with her. (not crying tears or anything) I said quit and redirected her and it worked, she stopped. So..is this better then saying no to everything?

[ann_of_loxley]

I used 'Stop'. It was much more effective than 'no'.
I used stop for a few reasons...
The first was that I didnt want a toddler running around shoutting 'NO!' at everything. I suceeded ill have you know - I hate the sound of an agressive toddler shouting 'NO!' at everyone and everything... But I think thats how 'no' must come out of parents when they say it enough. Eventually 'no' isnt so gentle a kind of sound...
The second was well...my personal thoughts. Children are not dumb. So ...'no...what?'... No isnt very explanatory. 'Stop', as a single word - says much more. It says you want them to stop their action.
My son always listened to 'stop' and laughed at 'no'.

[Kessed]

I have to say that I HATE the insinuation that if you have a toddler who runs around yelling "No" that you had to say it to them alot...

We used a variety of words and pharses from "Stop" to "Please don't". We only used "no" for things that were serious and we needed an immediate response.

My DD runs around yelling "No no no no" about everything. Even though she heard it maybe 5% of the time.

[queenjane]

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that i think you should try to avoid "no" and "quit"....and instead try to figure out what the child is wanting, and how to meet that need. The little girl really wants to climb the stairs...instead of trying to constantly redirect her, why not let her climb up and down to her hearts content, with the parent right there to make sure she's safe? If the little girl is whining, why not figure out what it is she wants, and see if you can help her get it(is she frustrated? Tired? seeking attention?)

It kind of makes me sad that a toddler (just out of babyhood, really), who may not be that verbal, who may not have a good grasp on emotions and certainly is at an age where she doesnt much understand delayed gratification or cause and effect.....basically being told STOP whenever she expresses an emotion or a need that bugs her parents. It seems like a good way to set up power struggles...maybe now at 16 months "quit" (or "no" or "leave it" ) might be effective, but when she gets bigger and stronger and more verbal, she might realize she can "fight back" and be more combative about it.

Better, i think, to be your child's partner. If the "no" truly has to occur (a plate of hot food, a busy street, etc) rather than say it at all, why not just offer an alternative (child reaches for hot plate, parent immediately takes her hand and offers her her bowl of fruit..."here, honey, is your food") It might not work in *every* situation (what does, really??) but it seems alot more positive and fun than constantly saying no no no (or whatever other word you choose.)

Katherine

[maliceinwonderland]

I try to avoid the one word commands that don't really explain what I want the kid to do. Ds knows he's not supposed to climb on the coffee table. He'd know exactly what I meant if I just said "no" when he put his knee on it ready to climb, but I find he almost compulsively will remove his knee from the table if I say "stay down" or "feet on the floor". "No" or "Stop" just get a delighted smile while he continues to climb.

I gotta say though, I want to bang my head against a wall when people like my sister do the six hour explanation as to why he can't climb on the table or whatever instead of just making it short and sweet. There is such a thing as explaining too much when you're dealing with a 15 month old

[MusicianDad]

I can in late in the game, didn't start doing any caretaking until dd was about two. But as DH explained it to me, short, simple commands that related to the activity unless there was immediate danger then it was stop. We also used a "red light, green light" thing too sometimes when she was a little older, if we said "red light" it was the cue to stop what she was doing and try something else. She considered it a game and would look back when she found something else to do and waited for "Green light". Sometimes it went on for half an hour, her moving between activities and laughing everytime she got a "red light" or a "green light".

That one worked so well that it still comes up lol, if we need her stop immediately we just say "red light" and it works.

[OhDang]

Originally Posted by queenjane

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that i think you should try to avoid "no" and "quit"....and instead try to figure out what the child is wanting, and how to meet that need. The little girl really wants to climb the stairs...instead of trying to constantly redirect her, why not let her climb up and down to her hearts content, with the parent right there to make sure she's safe? If the little girl is whining, why not figure out what it is she wants, and see if you can help her get it(is she frustrated? Tired? seeking attention?)

It kind of makes me sad that a toddler (just out of babyhood, really), who may not be that verbal, who may not have a good grasp on emotions and certainly is at an age where she doesnt much understand delayed gratification or cause and effect.....basically being told STOP whenever she expresses an emotion or a need that bugs her parents. It seems like a good way to set up power struggles...maybe now at 16 months "quit" (or "no" or "leave it" ) might be effective, but when she gets bigger and stronger and more verbal, she might realize she can "fight back" and be more combative about it.

Better, i think, to be your child's partner. If the "no" truly has to occur (a plate of hot food, a busy street, etc) rather than say it at all, why not just offer an alternative (child reaches for hot plate, parent immediately takes her hand and offers her her bowl of fruit..."here, honey, is your food") It might not work in *every* situation (what does, really??) but it seems alot more positive and fun than constantly saying no no no (or whatever other word you choose.)

Katherine

Well, I did take her up and down there stairs about 20 times holding her hand because she would fall and break something if i didn't. (shes very clumsy). But even after that she still wanted to go.
So what do you do then? The baby gate was put back up and redirecting was happening all the time, but I wouldn't want to keep her in her room just so she won't see the stairs??

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by OhDang

Well, I did take her up and down there stairs about 20 times holding her hand because she would fall and break something if i didn't. (shes very clumsy). But even after that she still wanted to go.
So what do you do then? The baby gate was put back up and redirecting was happening all the time, but I wouldn't want to keep her in her room just so she won't see the stairs??

Toddlers can be so hard, because they can be so insistent on doing something! If she were my child, i would probably try to replicate the stairs in some way, by possibly doing some other physical activity that might be just as fun....its after midnight so i'm not coming up with any brilliant ideas...but like making a mountain out of beanbags or couch cushions and "climbing" those, or finding a way to create steps out of something if she wants to climb...i dunno. sorry! But at least thinking outside the box of an immediate "no" to possibly saying "ok, how can we make this work"....i guess sometimes its also an answer to make something off limits. depends on the situation. Since you were just watching this child, and being redirected was what she was used to, that probably worked best at that particular time.


Katherine

[OhDang]

Originally Posted by queenjane

Toddlers can be so hard, because they can be so insistent on doing something! If she were my child, i would probably try to replicate the stairs in some way, by possibly doing some other physical activity that might be just as fun....its after midnight so i'm not coming up with any brilliant ideas...but like making a mountain out of beanbags or couch cushions and "climbing" those, or finding a way to create steps out of something if she wants to climb...i dunno. sorry! But at least thinking outside the box of an immediate "no" to possibly saying "ok, how can we make this work"....i guess sometimes its also an answer to make something off limits. depends on the situation. Since you were just watching this child, and being redirected was what she was used to, that probably worked best at that particular time.


Katherine

Those are good ideas thanks.
I know she isn't my kid but when i babysit (which is my job) I always try to learn from it and think of what i would do if it were my child, so that way i will be more prepared when i have kids. I am a live-in Nanny to 4 kids but none of them are babies anymore so this one caught me off gaurd lol!

[DaytonsMom]

Originally Posted by queenjane

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that i think you should try to avoid "no" and "quit"....and instead try to figure out what the child is wanting, and how to meet that need. The little girl really wants to climb the stairs...instead of trying to constantly redirect her, why not let her climb up and down to her hearts content, with the parent right there to make sure she's safe? If the little girl is whining, why not figure out what it is she wants, and see if you can help her get it(is she frustrated? Tired? seeking attention?)

It kind of makes me sad that a toddler (just out of babyhood, really), who may not be that verbal, who may not have a good grasp on emotions and certainly is at an age where she doesnt much understand delayed gratification or cause and effect.....basically being told STOP whenever she expresses an emotion or a need that bugs her parents. It seems like a good way to set up power struggles...maybe now at 16 months "quit" (or "no" or "leave it" ) might be effective, but when she gets bigger and stronger and more verbal, she might realize she can "fight back" and be more combative about it.

Better, i think, to be your child's partner. If the "no" truly has to occur (a plate of hot food, a busy street, etc) rather than say it at all, why not just offer an alternative (child reaches for hot plate, parent immediately takes her hand and offers her her bowl of fruit..."here, honey, is your food") It might not work in *every* situation (what does, really??) but it seems alot more positive and fun than constantly saying no no no (or whatever other word you choose.)

Katherine

I just love your respone and totally agree with it all! Ds loves to climb and most the time i let him, but when he is on the counter and trying to climb on the toaster oven, i say lets finds something safer to clim! =) so we build up the couch cushions and let him climb onto the other couch! he thinks that is great! i put a bean bag and the chair cushion on the side that way it's a little safer too! Hope you find something that works for your situation.

[queenjane]

So its morning, and i had another thought about the stairs. Dont know if this is doable....but its it possible/safe to put the babygate only a few stairs up, so that the girl can climb like three stairs, then back down? so if she falls, its not down an entire flight of stairs? Its been awhile since i've dealt with baby gates, so i cant remember if this would work (or if they have to be attached in such a way that it wouldnt)....


Katherine

[OhDang]

Originally Posted by queenjane

So its morning, and i had another thought about the stairs. Dont know if this is doable....but its it possible/safe to put the babygate only a few stairs up, so that the girl can climb like three stairs, then back down? so if she falls, its not down an entire flight of stairs? Its been awhile since i've dealt with baby gates, so i cant remember if this would work (or if they have to be attached in such a way that it wouldnt)....


Katherine

The stairs are so steep that if she fell off the top step (which she would) she might fly over the baby gate. She is the clumsiest baby i have ever met, because she is pigeoned (sp??) toed. She is good at climbing UP the stairs, (well she will crawl up) but going down she trys to walk and can't at all.
But all today i was trying to teach her how to scoot down on her butt

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by OhDang

The stairs are so steep that if she fell off the top step (which she would) she might fly over the baby gate. She is the clumsiest baby i have ever met, because she is pigeoned (sp??) toed. She is good at climbing UP the stairs, (well she will crawl up) but going down she trys to walk and can't at all.
But all today i was trying to teach her how to scoot down on her butt

Hmm...i was picturing stairs going UP...but i guess they are stairs going down?

I was envisioning leaving the first couple of stairs (going up) open, and putting the gate on maybe the third step, so if she fell, she was only falling a short way. So she wouldnt be climbing to the top of the stairs. You could pile cushions on the bottom of the steps, so she had a soft landing.

Are there other active activities you can do? Run around the yard, bounce on some cushions? can you take her to McDs or some other place (or the park) that has things to climb and let her get it out of her system? Just throwing out ideas!


Katherine

[wannabe]

What's the difference between "no" and "quit" and "stop" in this context?

[OhDang]

Originally Posted by queenjane

Hmm...i was picturing stairs going UP...but i guess they are stairs going down?

I was envisioning leaving the first couple of stairs (going up) open, and putting the gate on maybe the third step, so if she fell, she was only falling a short way. So she wouldnt be climbing to the top of the stairs. You could pile cushions on the bottom of the steps, so she had a soft landing.

Are there other active activities you can do? Run around the yard, bounce on some cushions? can you take her to McDs or some other place (or the park) that has things to climb and let her get it out of her system? Just throwing out ideas!


Katherine

Oh I am so dumb sorry!! i thought you ment put the gate half way UP the stairs (yes they go up like normal stairs.) But putting them like 3 stairs up might be a good idea!