Tell me how moving effects children? - Page 2

[guestmama9915]

I'm so excited now hearing these responses... now I hope we definitely get the opportunity to move!!

[library lady]

Originally Posted by nancy926

We never moved. I lived in the same house from birth to beyond college. I think that moving, while stressful, could have been a really positive thing for me. I lived in a small town where kids were "typed" very young and everyone knew everyone. It was hard to grow and change in that kind of environment.

I also had almost no experience making friends because I knew all of my friends from age 4. Never had to make new ones, so I really didn't, until college.

I think that was a big problem with our move. We moved to an area where there were very few people moving in or out of the area. Everybody knew everybody and any newcomers were seen as a potential threat. As a result, none of us were happy. If we had chosen an area that wasn't so close minded and afraid of outsiders, we probably would have been just fine. I think my kids are a bit psychic sometimes so I think they picked up on the fact that no matter what we did, we were not going to be accepted as individuals or as a family. The next time we move, I will make sure that we are going to an area that fits our family a little better. We did tons of research and got the kids very involved in the move and they were super excited about it.

[lolar2]

My main problem with moving frequently as a child was academic. I would test into gifted or honors classes, but would have holes in my knowledge because different schools teach things at different times. Otherwise, I don't think I'd have had a very different childhood if we had stayed put.

[ProtoLawyer]

Circumstances matter.

I did well with a move when I was 11--it wasn't too far (just another nearby suburb), and it was to a bigger house in a better school district, but it gave me the opportunity for a fresh start.

My partner did poorly with a move around age 12--it was across the country, and it was a last-ditch effort by his parents to save their marriage. And then, at 14, when the marriage officially fell apart, my partner had to move again, and again did poorly.

My stepdaughter's done well with various moves on both sides--her mom's moved from one apartment to another within the same city, and my partner and I moved in together when she was 3. We'll probably move again--from a rental apartment to a house--in a year or two.

[NYCVeg]

We moved twice when I was a kid--East Coast to West Coast when I was 5, and back when I was 14. The move at 5 was nothing but exciting to me--we drove cross-country and it was a big adventure. The move at 14 was tougher in advance--I was in the middle of my freshman year of high school and I was pretty upset. And after all that, it took me about two weeks to settle in when we moved back to the East Coast. In retrospect, I think the move at 14 was the best possible gift that my parents could have given me--we left a fairly closed-minded, homogenous, materialistic place for a diverse, progressive place. Of course, it was hard at first starting a new high school, but the school I went to was amazing--I had an extremely positive high school experience, certainly far better than I think I would have had at my old school.

Because of our careers, we know that it is likely that we will have to move at least once or twice with dd. I'm not all that concerned. I think it's important to keep your kids informed, and involved, and to take whatever steps you can to make the transition easier (finding favorite activities in the new place, etc.), but I don't think a move has to be traumatic.

[Inquiringmind]

I can only tell you my personal experience. I have a difficult time adjusting to change. Moving as a child was VERY hard on me, and I think I have some serious long lasting effects because of it.
I hope your kids will have a difficult experience!

[EmilyS]

When I was a child, my family moved around every 3-4 years. It was always because my Dad got a better position somewhere. And it has paid off--my family is very well off now. All the places we lived were nice places--homes with large backyards. We were homeschooled and my mom was really good about getting involved with whatever homeschool group was active in the area. Basically, my parents did everything they could to make our transitions smooth and as stress free as possible...

Now, after giving that background, I have to say that I think many of my anxiety and stress related issues now are due to these moves back then. I am a creature of habit and each and every move was really tough on me. The hardest one was when I was 14. My family moved to a town eight hours away and it was probably the most difficult thing that has ever happened to me (and I have had a LOT happen in the last three years!). I cried every night for literally a year. I had left behind some dear freinds. I gained about 30 lbs. In the midst of all this my mom also got pregnant and we had another baby. ANyway, with my family I vow that IF we move, it will be when the children are young and we will be established by the time they are school ago. I don't want my kids to go through what I did. That said though, I think that you can never predict life--I mean, you have to take things as they come. I would say talk to your kids about the move. What are their preception and how do they feel about uprooting?

[reece19]

Here's another vote for "it depends on the child." I have a hard time with change (good or bad changes) and moving as a child was pretty awful for me emotionally. I made friends and still had a great childhood, but always swore I hated where we lived - I'm not sure I really did, I was just resistant to the change, you know? And, we just moved a handful of times from my birth to age 18.

My kids, on the other hand, love it. They always seem to see the positive about moving in a way that I just didn't. They have moved many more times than I did at their age, so maybe that has something to do with it.

[innle]

I moved house 8 times as a child. Neither my brother nor I ever had any major issues with it that I remember. I think it had a lot to do with my parents' attitudes - they always portrayed it as a positive thing. I really enjoy moving now - I love the feeling on the last night in the old house, when everything is packed up except the television, and we sit on boxes eating takeaway pizza and watching bad tv shows!

(Although I think we benefited from not changing high school; we changed primary schools quite a few times, but had some continuity in high school.)