How to Keep my OB after HB

[MsHiss]

In an illegal MW state, having a HB and have continued dual care with my OB and a HB MW. I live an hour from OB. I really like my OB and am not sure how to keep her after my HB. Anyone else dealt with this? What do you tell your OB?

[jrabbit]

I don't know details, but from what I've read, don't you generally just assume the story that you "waited too long" and didn't get to the hospital on time? I know it's not the truth, and it would bug the crap out of my conscience, but if it's the only way to retain your relationship with a nice OB, seems like it would be worth it.

[PookieMom]

: I'm having the same issue and am desperately searching for ideas myself. I really do like my OB. He's wonderful with my kids too.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

Lying wouldn't bother me. They force us to lie by trying to limit our choices and denying us continuity of care.

I'd be honest, personally. I'd see how the OB reacted, and if he/she was a jerk about it, I'd figure I was better off finding someone else anyway.

[Pax3]

The problem with being honest is that the MW is placed in jeopardy of facing charges should the OB decide s/he wanted to make an issue of it... as well as MsHiss for using her services...

I'd use the "it just happened so fast we didn't get a chance to go to the hospital" and not feel bad about lying because circumstances really aren't permiting you to do otherwise. The reality is that even if you didn't use a MW you'd likely be the kind of person to labor at home as long as possible anyway and who knows, might just miss the window. The only question to answer then is why you didn't call an ambulance or go to the hospital as soon as possible after...

No matter what the decision, I would stay away from anything that might place the MW in a bad spot...

Anyway, JMO.

[PookieMom]

What if you are totally honest about everything, but refuse to give the Midwife's name?

[Pax3]

You know, I have no idea... I just know the MW and person using her could both be in legal hot water. I imagine there could still be issues with saying everything except the name, though, since it still opens the door to facilitating the MW, but I'm far from the one to answer that. I just spoke from the things I have been thinking about of late. And then again, a whole bunch depends on the OB and their view of HB, too... one could always just try to feel them out.

Either way, for me, the MW is taking a chance in this and anything at all that might put her in jeopardy in any way is something I would avoid, even if it meant losing my OB. I don't know what the answer is to tell the OB. I would just definitely protect the MW.

[jrabbit]

oh, no - absolutely, she should not say anything that implies that she planned to have her baby at home! It sucks that things have to be that way, but she should not open herself up to any potential questions about it. Play it like it was not intentional, but nothing was going wrong, so why call ambulance? I have a friend whose baby came so fast she didn't get to hospital, and they completely regretted calling 911.

[holothuroidea]

Your OB is a paid professional and you do not need to explain anything to them.

If they ask, I'd say, "I was very comfortable at home and did not feel like leaving."

What are they going to do? Throw a hissy fit and say they never want to see you again?

[Finding Serenity]

I live in an illegal state too and I found it easiest to just play the game of "oops" to everyone. Although my OB is the backup for the midwives so I didn't have a problem with him since he already knew my plans. But when you file for the birth certificate it opens a can of worms if you tell them you had a planned homebirth.