How did you decide on a Homebirth?

[notaperfectmom]

Ok this isn't the question you think it is. I'm actually not looking for info on why its safer etc....I guess I need to explain.

I'm trying to decide between VBAC at a local hospital with a well know group of midwives who I like and trust, or HBAC.

My first birth was...a mess. Long, large, malpositioned baby, interventions, c-section etc. blah blah blah.

So here is the thing. I have been thinking about homebirth since I found out I was pregnant. I knew that this time around I wanted a midwife and NOT an OB. But I HAVE to make a decision SOON about homebirth or not. So...here are my issues:


As far as "statistics" go, I don't buy either the "homebirth is safer" or the "hospitals are where you want to be in an emergency" argument. To me its irrelevant....if you are at home something *could* go wrong and if I am the 1 person out of 1000 to whom that happens the question is am I going to be ok with that? On the other side...I don't think hospitals are any safer. Actually I would like to avoid them at all costs. And I don't automatically trust doctors - they are just as human as the next person. Its just that if something goes wrong, no one will blame me for what happened....

Its not so much that I want to have my baby at home...as much as the fact that I DO NOT want to have my baby in a hospital this time. This includes the fact that I hate the idea of leaving my home once I go into labor, and the hospital won't let me labor in water (monitoring)

I wish I felt stronger positives towards homebirth...rather than negatives towards hospital birth. I'm more scared of going to the hospital and what might happen - FAR more scared - than of staying at home.

But I feel like I'm not making a firm decision. That I'm not moving positively in one direction or the other.

I also have crunchy-inadequacy by which I mean that the people who I know who have had homebirths ALSO are often vax-free, cloth-diapering, homeschooling etc. etc. and..I'm not. Sorry. I'm a lot more "middle of the road". My confessions - I breastfed (and actually LOVED it) but we were done around 9 months. We co-slept....but only until about 5 months. I love my sling....but we also have a stroller and it has been used regularly also. I work, I do vaccinate..... I would change some of my choices in different circumstances but right now we do what works for us and everyone is happy.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I almost feel like I don't fit the mould. Should I even be contemplating a homebirth if I am more mainstream? I don't know why I think it matters...but it keeps crossing my mind. I feel like I don't fit ANYWHERE...and its hard to find anyone to talk to about this.

I just have to make a decision. One way or the other. Right now I think I"m passively avoiding this. I'm pretty sure - say 80% or even 90% - that I want this baby to be born HERE, at home. But I'm not sure what is holding me back...

How aggressive do you have to be in wanting this to make it happen? I'm not good at being aggressive for my own wants or needs. I'm often not good at figuring out what they are.

Maybe I'm worried I might fail?

what do I need to DO? Anyone ever felt like this? been in kind of the same position? I'm 28 weeks...so I have to get this sorted out soon....

Any help or feedback would be really appreciated....I'm in a big muddle here.

[donutmolly]

You don't have to be granola-woman to have a homebirth!

There's no check-box of crunchy qualifications, just your personal decision of what's right for you and your babe.

I'm assuming you know that both midwives in your area and hospitals/OBs "allow" VBACs. Wow! What a great choice to be able to make!

I found that talking to my midwife about my fears/concerns was very beneficial. I don't think too many midwives are going to push homebirth on someone, but they will be able to address specific fears and how they might deal with emergencies, etc.

The concern that you will be "blamed" if something goes wrong at a homebirth vs. a doctor being blamed (or praised for lifesaving achievements) at a hospital is a worry I definately dealt with. Not sure I got over it (I've had 2 homebirths) but acknowleging it was helpful. It would be very hard to deal with people thinking I had caused something bad to happen by choosing to birth at home -- on the other hand, I felt it would be worse (and more likely) for me to deal with the pain of the interventions likely to happen in a hospital birth.

I found Birthing from Within to be a great book for dealing with fears... and I'm sooooo not a BFW-type person!

Hope this helps a little! Blessings!

[SiobhanAoife]

I started out this pregnancy not thinking about home birth at all.

Then when it got brought up over and over in various places I was doing research, classes, etc., I found the idea really unappealing and outside my comfort zone.

Then I learned more about how some of my objections were not based on facts (like, my worry that I didn't have a big enough hot water heater or bathtub for laboring in water to be possible -- hello rented Aquadoula with heater. Or my worry that birth would involve blood everywhere and ruin all my furniture. Or my worry that I'd scream the neighbors awake all the time. Etc. Etc.) I was still not finding the idea appealing, though.

Then one day while I was thinking about my birth plan (which at the time was, labor at home as long as I can, have the doula there to help support me and help me understand when it really was a good idea to go to the hospital, and then head into the hospital when I needed to be there), I started trying to envision the whole process. The driving across town in labor part, and the triage part, and the "asserting my birthplan to the hosital staff" while in labor part, and trying to stay in my labor-vibe while doing all of that... This didn't sound all that promising.

Then I was at the hospital tour and they were talking about their routines, and I brought up a lot of things that my OB had said they'd be totally flexible about, only to find that the L&D nurse was MUCH less flexible about it, and made me feel like I'd be fighting all the way. While in labor. Trying to keep my relaxed labor-vibe going.

Then the L&D nurse was talking about what I'd need to do in order to get permission to leave without staying for 48 hours after the birth. And I really just wanted to be able to go home with my baby and my husband if everything was fine, so that was daunting.

Then I was at a talk given my a home birth midwife, and I found myself thinking:

Hey, if I had a midwife over the house ALSO, then I could STILL do my labor-at-home-as-long-as-everything-is-going-fine plan, and then head into the hospital at whatever point it seemed like I needed to be there. Only, if everything was going fine the whole time, I'd end up with a healthy baby at home, and we could just do the baby checks and postnatal checks there at home, and we wouldn't have to deal with the hospital at all! On the other hand, if things were NOT going fine, I'd have the entire attention of this highly-trained, highly-educated, skilled, experienced HB midwife focused on me and baby, and she could handle coordinating the transfer to the hospital (which had been my plan A to begin with) and would provide support and advocacy there for me all the way.

So all that was left was choking down the $4000 not-covered-by-my-HMO expense of it. Which I've managed to do. And that's our plan now. Homebirth as long as baby and I are doing well, and go into the hospital where I'd planned to deliver from the outset if we really need to be in a hospital.

So. Yeah. I didn't get here by way of crunchy. I work in high tech. I wear too much black and am urban and cynical. Some of the hippy stuff at my natural childbirth classes really grated my sensibilities. Ina May still sets my teeth on edge. But I care very much for this baby, and by keeping an open mind about things, have found myself quite won over to the midwifery model of care.

[ChristSavesAll]

You know what's interesting is most moms that you describe, you know non-vaxing, cloth diapering, etc. etc. didnt just wake up and say "hey, I think I'll just go against the flow and do the opposite of everything that everyone else is doing." It was one decision made at different times in life. I know that I stopped vaxing my son for fear of the autism/mmr link and it was 4 years later before I actually did some research on it and decided against all vaccines. It was also around this time that I had heard the other side of birthing, my best friend had told me about her own homebirth and I was smitten with the idea since. I hadnt even done research on it at that point, I just knew that it was a much more natural way to birth in my heart. I had also thought about cloth diapering with my son when he was born but in the end I went ahead and used disposables... almost 5 years later and I am considering trying it with this babe although I dont know how well that will work out since hubby and I both work, things can get pretty hectic as it is so we'll see.

Basically what I'm tryin to say is every momma has to make choices that she feels is right for her family, whether you are for or against other choices that are usually associated with homebirthers is beside the point. Every momma has the right to choose where to birth, you should consider your options and pick the place where you feel safest and most comfortable. There is no right or wrong answer only the one you choose.


Good luck with your decision making. And congrats on your new little blessing! :

[library lady]

You do not have to fit a certain mold to have a home birth. I use disposable diapers and drive an SUV

When I started down the parenting journey, I wanted to be mainstream. It never occurred to me to do anything else. I had my first daugher in a hospital. It was horrible. I had pre-eclampsia and high blood pressure. I couldn't nurse her for a long time because the crap they had me on. She was in the NICU. When we went home, I scheduled the WBV and got her all of her shots on time. We lost our house and everything else in a flood. I had managed to save some of the baby stuff that I bought but that was it. I had a bassinet that I paid $5 for at a yard sale. I did what I felt was best for my daughter. I had no idea there was an AP/granola world out there. I was doing some research on some of my not-so-popular ideas and found that there was a term for what I was doing. I didn't set out to be AP or different.

Fast forward a couple years, I find out I am pregnant with #2 and I have no insurance. I had gone to a clinic in the past when I found out I was PG with #1 but decided there was no way I would repeat that ever again. I started the homebirth journey because I didn't have insurance and I was afraid of the hospitals and doctors treating me like crap because I didn't have insurance. There is a huge disparity in the way you are treated when you have private insurance versus being uninsured or on assistance. Anyway, I remembered a friend in college that had her baby at a birthing center where her mom worked and I also remember seeing something about midwives and homebirths when I was looking up AP stuff. I called around and talked to a couple of midwives and set up a consultation type appointment where I could meet her and ask questions. I did a bunch of research and find out what questions to ask her. After I actually talked to my midwife, I couldn't not have a homebirth. She made me feel very confident in myself. One of the things that she pushed was education. She was constantly sending books from her personal library home with me. She wanted me to be educated and be able to make my own decisions. It wasn't about being crunchy or fitting into a certain mold. It was about me having the power to make decisions about my own body. That was the first time a health care provider had ever empowered me to that degree. So, I had my second daughter at home.

With #3, I had insurance and thought about going to a local birthing center because it was in network. I went and didn't feel that same sense of being empowered so I went back to my midwife and had another homebirth. With #4, I am not even questioning it. I am just going with my midwife. You always have the option of changing your mind. Most midwives are cautious enough that they will never ask you to do anything that you are not comfortable with and they will also constant assess any risks or risk factors that may come up. Yes midwives are great but they also have laws and protocols that they must follow. They are not rogues that are operating without a lot of expertise in labor and delivery. Ultimately, you have to choose what you are most comfortable with. Don't worry about not fitting any molds.

I don't think you have to be that aggressive in wanting to have a homebirth. I think you have to want to educate yourself and do what is best for you and your baby. Everything else is irrelevant.

[janasmama]

I can't handle people telling me what I have to do and I don't want to have to be aggressive about what I want when I'm in a vulnerable position like labor.

I also like my comfy home space and I don't like the majority of docs even for regular office visits.

I can't a handle a non-sympathetic person in my space while laboring, especially when it seems like business or 'just another one'

[ShwarmaQueen]

Originally Posted by SiobhanAoife

So. Yeah. I didn't get here by way of crunchy. I work in high tech. I wear too much black and am urban and cynical. Some of the hippy stuff at my natural childbirth classes really grated my sensibilities.

That's me too! I'm middle road (for now). I didn't CD, BF till only 13 mos., vaxed DD, got rid of the placenta, and have worn out a couple of strollers...but we did what worked. And I'm convinced, like OP, that I don't want to deliver at a hospital next time around. So that leaves me w/ a MW. I've learned the pros and cons of each and made my mind.

[tallulahma]

i do not think homebirth is a crunchy thing.

I decided to homebirth because my first birth in a hospital was the scariest thing ever. traumatizing. awful.

my homebirth was amazing. inspiring, empowering.

i would do it again in a heartbeat. (and will)

just because you do not follow a "crunchy" life (i hate that label) does not mean you do not deserve a respectable, beautiful and empowering birth.

watch a business of being born.

[bronxmom]

I'm not really crunchy - at least not in the way many on MDC are. I'm definitely alternative in the sense of being left-wing politically and instinctive, mostly ap style parenting. But not crunchy. Here's how I decided on homebirth - it was really just a natural evolution:

-first birth was supposed to be in an in-hospital birth center, but I got triaged out when I arrived for a reason I never felt was justified. The birth was overall fine but my labor stalled and I ended up with not-wanted pitocin and epidural and had to stay 24 hours when I really wanted to go home.

-So this time, my original plan was to do the birth center again, but do it RIGHT. I figured my mistake had been going with an ob group instead of midwives. So I started looking into midwives affiliated with the in-hospital birth center. We also did a hospital tour, which included a tour of the birthing center. I got into the hospital and was so turned off - it was a really strong reaction that I don't remember having the first time around. I was like, "I do NOT want this." My partner felt the same way.

-In the meanwhile, we had seen "The Business of Being Born" (great film - definitely see it). It all resonated with me, especially because it's set in NYC and I live here so knew a lot of the players involved. At this point, we decided to explore a freestanding birthing center in the Bronx.

-We visited the birthing center and loved it - really loved the people, the mission, the environment, etc. (My best friend is actually delivering there). However, it's part of a busy clinic so we knew there'd be long waits for shorter than desired appointments (20 minutes). And there is a group of 4-6 midwives so you'd have whoever was on call when you were in labor. I really don't like the group setting - had that with my ob practice and never felt like I got to know anyone.

-We decided that anything they had at the birthing center a homebirth midwife can bring with her. However, we'd be in our own home, even less risk of interventions, midwife would come to us for appointments and we'd build a relationship with one midwife. So we interviewed homebirth midwives and chose one.

We aren't due until December but so far we couldn't be more thrilled with our choice. We weren't super set on homebirth at first and it's definitely not part of an overall hard-core philosophy for us - though the more we learn the more enthusiastic and somewhat proselytising we are about homebirth. It was more of a natural evolution of examining our choices and figuring out one step at a time what made sense for us. Sounds like you're in a similar situation. I think if you commit to the homebirth you will find yourself growing very excited about it - right now you're just coming it from the other angle of what it is you don't want. A perfectly valid route to get there.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

Homebirth is for any woman who wants her birthing space to be respected, who wants to have continuous, uninterupted contact with her newborn, who wants to be able to labor the way she needs to, whatever that means, who wants to shower in her own shower and sleep in her own bed after the birth, who wants personal care with someone she knows well. There is no mold. If these things sound good to you, homebirth is the way to go.

I wanted a HB with my first but went with the hospital for financial reasons. I had a pretty good experience, but knew I wanted a HB the next time. Then I attended my 1st homebirth as a doula, and knew I could never, ever go back to the hospital. The difference is so huge, it can't even be explained.

[phatchristy]

When I started thinking about becoming pregnant for the first time, I got a lot of books out of the library. Started reading. Being that I'm a rather open minded person I went through and attacked my research from a scientific standpoint, and even better I had no preconceived notions of what was *right* and felt no *societal pressures to conform*. I have always done my own thing. Sure, sometimes my "own thing" might fall in line with what a lot of other people do, but not always.

It became rather obvious with research that healthy pregnant women had the best outcomes at either free standing birth centers or homebirth. And, for outcomes, I'm not only talking infant mortality, I'm talking about breastfeeding, cesareans, episiotomy, post partum depression, etc. And, I became pregnant and found a free standing birth center and took their homebirth option.

So, perhaps I was one of the "rare ones" who chose homebirth for their first. And, you can imagine what people had to say to me, that "I had no clue" what I was getting into, etc. regarding the pain of childbirth etc. And the all famous, "why don't you try a hospital birth first to see if you can do it..." obviously from people who don't know how hospital births and allopathic medical practices these days undoes a woman's natural body functions with regards to birth. I look at our local hospitals, they've all got greater than 40% for their cesarean rates. No question in my mind, women's bodies are not failing 40% of the time. It is doctors, hospitals and the current US medical community failing these women. I've definitely got a stubborn streak in me, once I've researched and made a decision I have little self doubt. However, I also realized that if something were to change (mine or fetal health) I would reaccess my healthcare choices if I needed to. But I would do whatever it took to be as low intervetion as possible, and only have the medical intervention that needed to be done. Because you can't undo millions of years of natural selection which has determined how women birth without consequences.

[lisa_nc]

I just kind of came to it. I had a hospital birth that was pretty awful (although not nearly as interventive as most) with my son. I dealt with a lot of my issues from the first birth and then I had a great hospital birth with my DD. It was quiet and calm and the midwife stayed with me the entire time. After DD was born, I decided to become a gestational surrogate. I ended up having twins via an unnecessary emergency cesarean due to baby positioning and an OB who had no experience with breech birth. She actually told me she did not have the training or the skills to handle my birth--she was very honest.

Then I did one more gestational surrogacy and ended up with a second set of twins that I VBAC'd. It was this birth that really soured me on the whole business of birth. I was mentally exhausted by the time the babies were born--stripped of my dignity and my autonomy. I remember going into L&D at 35 weeks (the babies weren't born until 38 weeks--I ended up leaving the hospital) and having them try to talk me into breaking my waters. AT 35 WEEKS! I laid in the hospital bed and wept while this resident tried to tell me that all my concerns were wrong and that doctors didn't break your water or induce labor because it hurried things along. I swear to God, I actually had this asinine conversation. It took my husband physically stepping between the doctor and I to get me the space I needed to regroup.

Now we are pregnant with our own child and I just can't do that again. I can't put myself back into that environment. The effects of trying to fight for that VBAC profoundly changed who I am as a person. I can't buy into that doctors have my best interests at heart after I personally witnessed that many absolutely do not. I want my own space and my own experience. I want to welcome my child into the world in peace and quiet, into my own environment. I am very protective of my birth environment and I know that the second I step into the hospital, I am giving up control. Unless there is a damned good reason for me to do that, I can't and I won't.

[barefootpoetry]

Originally Posted by ChristSavesAll

You know what's interesting is most moms that you describe, you know non-vaxing, cloth diapering, etc. etc. didnt just wake up and say "hey, I think I'll just go against the flow and do the opposite of everything that everyone else is doing." It was one decision made at different times in life.

Exactly. I'm sure there are moms who might make those choices just to be "different," but I don't know any, and I'm not one. I started out the polar opposite of what I am now, and slowly realized one step at a time that the things that were what "everyone else was doing" were NOT working for me. Cloth diapers were easier than disposables. Cosleeping was easier than crib sleeping. Non-vaxing was better than vaxing. Homemade baby food was better than store bought. Babywearing was better than a big ol' bulky stroller. Non-circing was better than circing. This was MY journey and all these things turned out to work better than the preconceived notions I had. And the same goes for birth. I've found out that for me, homebirth is better than hospital birth, for all the reasons you and the rest of us already know. It took trying the "traditional" method to figure out that the alternative was better, just like everything else I've already mentioned (except for circing, I never tried that!). I think it makes perfect sense to try something one way, see that you don't like it that way, and want to do it a different way.

[heo35]

Thank you for posting this, you raised so many thoughts / concerns that I have too! I found that this discussion board gives me a lot of good information but that I didn't "fit in" here and when I go to the other I guess "mainstream" for lack of a better term sites I feel like those are even less meaningful to me.

I think home birth seems to make the most sense for me but I find it difficult to get over what if I am making the wrong decision where seconds do count and I am responsible for the bad outcome to my baby? I realize it is unlikely but I think there is a reason why OB's have one of the highest malpractice premiums in medicine... they hold the blame. I don't know how I could deal with that guilt. Given the ridiculous c-section rate amongst my friends and peers that I personally know (closer to 75%) and not great experiences at hospitals even if they didn't have a cs, I know I don't want that. I also don't want to make a decision either way out of fear, fear of a cs or fear of something wrong at home.

I have not made a decision... I think that interviewing MW's (haven't started yet) will either set my fears at ease or not. I truly believe someone who is well trained and experienced can detect the problem that would require transporting. It is an awful lot of trust you put in someone else to make that call. I do trust that as a healthy, in shape, relatively young person, there should be no reason I can't do this.

Also, while I am not a person who necessarily feels the need to have society's approval, I am not comfortable with the people I am close to all thinking this is a horrible idea (except my husband who is the only person who really counts and is supportive of it). I wish I had approval from my mom and friends... I also work in healthcare and feel like if I go this route I will have to be sketchy so that I don't have to defend my decision to people whose opinion I don't care about.

Sorry this was rambling but everyone here has made a lot of good points on this thread, thank you!

[honeybee]

I chose to give birth at home with my second because I'd experienced a hospital birth with my first, and then I met people who actually had hb, and heard their stories. Wow! What a difference! I had actually read the safety statistics about homebirth with my first, but wasn't interested in a homebirth for myself.

And, I had a good hospital birth the first time. Nothing traumatic. I felt respected and like I made the decisions. I don't hate or fear hospitals. But, it was just nothing like a homebirth.

Maybe you should go at it from a careprovider aspect rather than a location aspect? Interview some hb mws and see if one "clicks" more for you than the mws you are working with at the hospital. Discuss the birth plan in detail. Ask the hb mw about any concerns you have about being at home. Then talk to your hospital mws about any concerns you have about being at the hospital... are there protocols you will have to follow as a VBAC? Once you have a face to put with the hb option, you will likely know whether that is what you want, kwim?

[amymaew]

I decided on homebirth for my 2nd and 3rd b/c I flat out refuse to step foot in a hospital to give birth again unless there's a REALLY good reason - like I'm dying. I like being in my own bed, my own bathroom, being left alone to do my own thing in labor... I'm not one to argue in labor, so being in the hospital with #1 the nurses would tell me what to do and I'd do it. Plus, dh is not a great labor support person and it's easier for me to ignore him at home lol.

[MommyMichele]

My hospital births were okay, but I still wanted a homebirth when my third baby came along. It was so comfortable to be at home, especially after the birth. No interruptions by nurses... my own comfy bed... already being HOME. It's definitely the best!

[peainthepod]

I know where you're coming from because not long ago I felt the same way. Having a baby at home didn't seem very...civilized, as awful as that sounds. This is our first baby and I think I had this image in my mind of someone boiling water while I bit on a stick to muffle my screams and some sweaty woman with dirty hands told me when to push.

But despite my vivid imagination, I'm also a closet nerd and did a ton of reading about hospital birth in the United States. What I read was fairly horrifying. Like you, I can't stand the idea of relinquishing control to impersonal L&D nurses or OB's who approach every birth like they're on an assembly line. When all you have is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail... The statistics were scary enough, and since NYC has some of the highest cesarean rates in the country, I was spooked. We decided to go to a freestanding birthing center instead of a hospital.

Then my husband and I watched The Business of Being Born and were very intrigued. And I kept wondering why I was going to have my husband drive me to a birthing center 20 minutes away when I could have the same level of care in my own apartment, with my own bathroom and kitchen and bed, wearing cozy clothes and eating and drinking whenever necessary. No pushy nurses, no traffic jams, no worrying about anything but getting through labor and meeting our son.

So we chose homebirth. I'm not "crunchy" at all. We eat well and don't own a TV, but that's about as far as it goes. I'm not doing this to be different. I'm doing this because I know, deep down, it's the best thing I can do for my own health and that of our baby. I don't look down on women who choose a hospital birth, and we're open to the possibility of needing a transfer if something does go wrong, but pregnancy is not an illness and I refuse to treat it like one.

Sorry this post was so long but I can totally sympathize with your dilemma. Homebirth does seem pretty out there until you've read up on it.

[mmmckh]

I am so glad you made this post! I am due any day and having a homebirth. I can completely relate to the fear of people thinking it is my fault should something go wrong. Aside from my husband and mom, the rest of my family and friends think that I am crazy! This is my second child but my first to be born at home. Fortunately, my last birth was an ok experience in the hospital but when I arrived I was already at 8cm so not much time for intervention! Although my hospital experience was acceptable, I knew that I wanted something different this time.

When I found out I was pregnant this time I had planned on a freestanding birth center birth but as I learned more about what is available (in terms of safety equip) at a birth center versus my home we decided to go for having the baby at home. I am so excited for so many reasons! It was absolutely terrible driving the hospital last time! I wouldn't want my son to only be able to visit Mommy and the baby and then have to leave. I want to be comfortable and be able to eat real food during or after the delivery. I want to be able to shower in my own bathroom with my own towels. There are so many advantages to be at home as opposed to the hospital.

I have been praying throughout my pregnancy for a safe delivery. I have accepted the fact that something could go wrong but the truth is something could go wrong in the hospital. You can't blame yourself should something go wrong because you are doing what you feel is safest and best for you and your child. I truly believe that for me having this baby at home is the safest option for us. Best of luck to you whatever you decide!

[ferretbees]

Plain and simple - I wanted to be in control of my birth.

The loss of autonomy during my hospital birth both frightened and angered me. Also, I don't want to waste precious energy countering interventions.

IMHO, homebirth has nothing to do with being "crunchy" or "hippie". In my mind, it's just a matter of accepting responsibility. However not everyone is comfortable doing that. I'm a prime example - I couldn't stand up for myself during the DD c-birth.