First, let me respond to your husband's objections to you speaking out. I would have to respectfully disagree with him, that is if *all* children are being offered the water or whatever instead of the soda.
I grew up in a NFL/AP household. My parents fed us all-natural food, always healthy, pretty whole foods. I do remember the discomfort of coming to school with big fat slices of made-at-home-by-my-dad whole wheat bread and all natural peanut butter and a light touch of the healthiest possible jam, the whole thing wrapped in wax paper and placed in a reuseable cloth lunch bag. The rest of the kids had paper sacks, and inside that, plastic ziploc bags that contained things like peanut butter and super-sugary jelly on thin factory-standard white bread.
We were vegetarian. In those days, so few folks were, and being a vegetarian kid invited all kind of rude responses from your peers and adults alike. It also meant I wasn't "omnivore literate." For example, one day I saw on the school lunch menu that there was going to be cheeseburgers the next day. Burgers made out of cheese! Alright, something I can have! I went home and begged my mom not to pack me a lunch for school. I asked for lunch money instead. She had no idea why, but I was so insistent that she finally relented. I went into the lunchroom finally like so many of the other kids, waiting in line not just to buy my milk, but to actually buy a lunch. Cheeseburgers! I was so thrilled. Until I got up to the counter and a burger was placed on my bun. A HAMBURGER! Then I was offered cheese. I was mortified. "I am a vegetarian" my seven year old self murmured to the cranky, unempthatic lunch lady who actually rolled her eyes, scooped the hamburger off my bun (leaving drippings behind) and said, "Fine, there you go."
"I thought today was cheeseburger day" I barely got out. "Yes," she said, in an irritated and hurried tone. "There is the burger. There is the cheese. CHEESE-BUUUUUURRRRGGGERRR. Okay?"
"What should I put on this?" I said, very shaken up and sure that my hunger wouldn't be satisfied by the bun alone. "You can put some cheese on it," she said, pointing over to processed American cheese that even *I*, not just my parents, found disgusting. I put some cheese on the bun that didn't have drippings. Finally a little sympathetic looking down at me with my bun and cheese, the lunch lady quickly added I could get pickles and ketchup and mayonnaise at the next counter. So I had a disgusting cheese-covered piece of white bun with pickles, mayo and ketchup.
I still remember that with a twinge of pain.
Anyway, my point is this. Though there were plenty of times when it was hard to be different, my young years passed quickly and soon I was able to make my own decisions (only so much a parent can do to control what their 10-15 year old eats, for example). I went off on the wrong track for a while, but because I had a solid foundation, I was able to eventually return to healthy ways with eagerness. So looking back, I am not unhappy my parents made the decisions they did. I am just thankful. I know my body was treated properly in my early years.
The big key factor is that changes aren't made for one specific child, but for all the kids. Or that it is done in a low key way, so that all children are given a cup without necessarily knowing what is in the other kids cups (assuming they are sitting down, they probably won't see). When I was diagnosed with type I diabetes as a young child, even my all-natural, low sugar family had to make a few changes because back in those days, the insulin was very basic and diet was a much bigger factor in successful treatment than it is now. But not all members of the family were willing to make changes, and it was hard for me to be a dietary odd man out. I still have issues with this.
On the other hand, I work with lots of kids who have things like gluten and dairy allergies. These are big allergies than impact not just the obvious foods, but often other foods folks don't even think of. Many of the kids I know of who had these allergies have adapted well to the notion that everyone eats something a little different. But that said, I still think the best standard for any program with children is to serve something all the kids can have. If I know I have kids with gluten allergies, I am not going to serve crackers and cheese as snack and give the kid with the allergy some substitute. No, I'll bring gluten free crackers for everyone. Or serve fruit or (no sugar added) applesauce or something else that has no gluten. Then, we also don't have to worry about what comes in contact with what either. I take a similar approach with dietary prefences among families, of which my own family has plenty.
I guess I have a clarifying question, just to make sure I understand you.
1. Are you referring to a snack given to all children in a religious education class as a part of the class's activities?
-OR-
2. Are you referring to foods offered to children after classes or services?
I work in a family/faith development ministry. Here are my observations:
1. In terms of snacks for classes, it can take some focused effort and if "those in charge" don't agree with the concern, some unity among enough parents to change what is served but it is possible.
As one of "those in charge," when I have transitioned churches to healthier snacks for classes, occassionally I have run into some resistance. Usually, however, it is about slightly older kids who don't want to give up their tradition of chips and soda or doughnuts and fruit punch. Sometimes, it is the younger kids who are into the cookies and stuff, but they adapt. They really do. It's the parents who cling to the junk food tradition because they know their kids like it that have the hardest time adapting.
I think the easiest way to address this is not through the volunteers, but through the staff person in charge if there is one. This person may be able to purchase healthier snacks to have available so volunteers aren't as likely to bring in their own junky snacks, as a pp mentioned. Or perhaps this person would be able to gently talk to the volunteers about some semi-healthier alternatives (no-sugar added applesauce cups and water or a small amount of juice, pretzels and juice, fresh fruit, whatever). Or the staff person might be able to help initiate a rotating snack-duty assignment list with your support, so a different set of parents bring in snack each week. The staff person can set limits, specify acceptable types of snacks, and make some suggestions on the sign up sheets. With the staff person's blessing, you could probably even just initiate the sign up effort on your own with the motto that it is a way to support the volunteer teachers and take one more thing off their plate. That kind of thing is almost always appreciated!
2. The issue gets tougher if these are snacks provided after the worship or classes, during some kind of community/fellowship time. In a lot of instances, the provision of the snacks is somewhat amorphis. It can be hard to nail down "who is in charge" (rarely is there a staff person managing this end of congregational life, and in many cases the volunteers who are in charge are in charge on a periodic or rotating basis). Sometimes there are weird political things that go on with these things. For example, snacks may be provided specifically for the children in an effort to be more "child friendly," and then any mention that those snacks aren't in fact really child friendly feels hurtful to those folks who felt they already changed their ways for the children once.
I think in those instances, even if you can't volunteer to bring in snacks every week, just bringing them in once a month, for example, might be a way to start up a conversation by getting folks thinking about what is being served.
