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Vancouver(ish) Tribe: Chatting in deep summer...  

post #1 of 335
8/4/08 at 6:42pm
Thread Starter 
Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability
-- Sam Keen


welcome lower mainland mamas!

(and mamas to be)


All local mamas are welcome here! Visitors are welcome to pop in too. We are brought together by our passion for conscious/thoughtful/attachment/respectful/wholistic/natural parenting, not always agreeing on the path but agreeing to respectfully discuss, share, and learn together. Feel free to join in the conversation and introduce yourself!

This is our thread for chatting online, discussing issues relevant to the Lower Mainland, and arranging meetings in real life. If you have issues and questions that are not specific to the Vancouver area, please start a new thread in the appropriate MDC forum (e.g. breastfeeding, discipline, health, etc.). You can also post a link to your topic in this thread if you are requesting input from your tribe members. This allows us to

1. adhere to MDC guidelines;
2. keep questions and responses organized; and
3. reduce thread traffic and allow readers more control over which discussions they engage in.

Meet-ups are sporadic and include gatherings at parks, Science World, and people's homes. Anyone is welcome to suggest a gathering time/place. Meet-ups are either announced in the meet-up thread in the Canada Forum or here.

Remember that to get email notification of new posts in this thread, you can post to this thread to subscribe or you can use 'thread tools' and click 'subscribe'.

Please note that our Vancouver(ish) Tribe has other threads in the Canada Forum, including:
post #2 of 335
8/4/08 at 6:56pm
Thread Starter 
hand foot and mouth disease dh and I and dd all seem to have it, but not ds :. So far the symptoms are rather mild :

H&M the general public simply does not get the health consequences (that we all pay for in our tax dollars) of making nursing mothers feel unwelcome :

minicooper wow, you're busy!

beaner&tiegs good luck with those family dynamics :

Autumn Mama for the update. I'm so glad to hear that your family is thriving there. We've been visiting our CSA farm near you but there's never time for a visit if we want to avoid hell traffic. It's surprising how close Langley is for us, though, so perhaps we can visit you when things quiet down in the fall?

tiffani wow, moving right along huh?

vancouverlori your dd's father is *way* out of line :. I'm guessing he's feeling guilty that he hasn't done anything or being involved in any way, and is compensating by being a PItA.
post #3 of 335
8/4/08 at 7:02pm
deep summer is accurate, today anyway
today i feel guilty for *not* being at the beach

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post #4 of 335
8/4/08 at 9:02pm
post #5 of 335
8/4/08 at 9:34pm
right, so i went to the beach with watermelon. why do i live in place where it rains so many days of the year? for the two weeks of summer!

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post #6 of 335
8/4/08 at 10:05pm
Subbing!
post #7 of 335
8/4/08 at 11:35pm
It was a beach day for us today! So wonderful... we spent hours, had a picnic lunch, built sandcastles, ds and I dragged kelpies around, I went for a solo swim....

Perfect weather! :
post #8 of 335
8/5/08 at 12:01am
Aw, Ksenia, I hope you guys all recover soon!!

There may or may not be a nurse-in -- the manager who was there that day was contacted and said they were very sorry, they weren't aware that their policy was in violation of the BC Human right's code, and they would change it. At this point, it's up to the violated mama if she wants a nurse-in to go ahead... if you're interested, join the facebook group mentioned previously and see how it unfolds...

yeah, it's funny how life works... we're not 100% certain yet, but it does look like we'll likely be heading to New Zealand for a year come mid-september...which means I have SO much to do!!!! I'm glad this opportunity presented itself, because we hit the end of the road with our adoption, we need to move off bowen because of the commute (though like I said before, the commute wouldn't be as big a hardship if we had a better spot here on the island) so we might as well have a grand adventure!! When we get back (or end up in california, where the entire cost of the adoption would be covered by a tax incentive for adoptive parents) we'll likely hop back on the adoption roller coaster, barring any unforseen occurances...

elisa, I was going to mention before when you asked about luggage, that a lot of people who travel to africa with lots of donations pack it all into big rubbermaid containers -- not so pretty, but durable, stackable, easy to carry, and useful once you get there. I think that's what we'll do if we end up going...

erica, hope your family dynamics are going well!!!

:
post #9 of 335
8/5/08 at 1:24am
post #10 of 335
8/5/08 at 1:38am
wow, tiffani, that *is* exciting! new zealand, not rubbermaid i'm afraid i need something i can drag around behind me all over europe, but i may go with rubbermaid if i have to ship stuff to england. i've found something with a lifetime guarantee, they'll actually fix it! which is expensive at first but may be worth it for us long term. i gaze with horror into my future of regular air travel.

tooticky, that sounds grand. i'm going to have to get out to second beach, or jericho, for a long day in the sand. my little one gets tired of the beach, i think it is the pebbles. at least she no longer eats it.

i have a great longing for a party. since there's several of us leaving come autumn, i wonder if we should plan a gathering? outside, somewhere? we would love to see everyone.

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post #11 of 335
8/5/08 at 2:18am
job offer confirmed...start date, sep 29.




:
post #12 of 335
8/5/08 at 2:19am
:bounce holy! that was fast! congratulations - what city?

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post #13 of 335
8/5/08 at 2:20am
oh, and speaking of getting tired of the beach, the other day when it rained, Lucy said "oh good, now we don't have to go to the beach again!"

tomorrow mark is playing hooky from work since it's the special 2 for 1 tuesday deal at the kayak rental place, so we're going to celebrate his job offer with a kayak trip! we haven't been kayaking in forever, I'm so excited!!
post #14 of 335
8/5/08 at 2:24am
Wellington! we're moving to the same climate as vancouver too!! slightly warmer, slightly less rain I think, and the ocean is a few degrees warmer, but pretty much the same. but, there is all that warmer ocean further north, with gorgeous beaches, dolphin swims, amazing hiking, phenomenally stunning scenery, and kiwis! so excited! I'm pretty amazed at how quickly it all came together... what a change!
post #15 of 335
8/5/08 at 2:27am

Hello everyone, look at these crazy thoughts in my head. ha.

I keep putting one foot into this tribe but never seem to keep up with the banter.

Some random thoughts:

My mother is nearly pushing me over the edge. I moved back in, sigh, after the ex and I split in June and can see why I moved out in the first place. For one she is the messiest, dirtiest person ever. I'm talking leaving dishes for 3 days while she does nothing more than watch the tube. I cleaned the whole kitchen tonight and her only reaction was "the floor's wet". Thanks for noticing my efforts. Her negligence to my baby's safety is a whole other story. She left the iron on with the chord dangling from the dining room table the other night (she has gone ballistic with sewing madness which has taken over the whole living room/dining room, really one small room) while ds was crawling around-- starting toying with the chord and when I swooped him up and turned off the iron with a heavy sigh (because any sort of conversation turns into her angry fits) her reaction was "I'm not done with that"; not "Oh, I could have seriously burnt your baby and scarred him for life.". UGH.

The family dog is getting only older, stinkier, deafer, dumber, and more annoying. I used to cuddle this dog like mad and now I only seem to shoo him away. It's really sad that my giving, giving, giving to ds has left me with only irritation for the pup.

It's hard raising a child alone. My day consists of nursing non-stop and ensuring that ds is happy and having fun while trying to snag a meal when I can, trying to shower when I can, and heaven forbid trying to have a breather to myself once in a while. Tonight I NEEDED to make a healthy dinner and while my Mom was out taking a hike (which she didn't take the dog on and chose to leave him behind without telling me that she'd be home late so he did not get a proper walk today!!) I had to let ds crawl around while I did so because he got bored of the Ergo. It didn't take longer than 20 min but ds was tired of being ignored at the end of it and I felt uber guilty. The ex and I agreed to keep him out of daycare so I am left with 2 evenings a week and weekends to work (starting a new job tomorrow-- sales blahhhhh). I don't know if I'll ever be able to climb above the mountain of debt and have enough security to get a place for ds and I. The ex's idea of helping is passing on some diapers once in a while. I can't imagine asking for anything because he is in full time school while his mother pays his rent/groceries etc. so I know he can't afford it.

I sent an invitation to my father for ds' birthday at the end of the month (WHAT?! He's almost 1 year old?!). I was polite enough while making a point of saying how disappointed I am that he has only met ds once when my brother basically kidnapped him for the day and brought him to Vancouver to meet ds and my brother's son (who was then 2 weeks and my Dad didn't even know he had been conceived until that day). I posed the question which had been bothering me for a long time now-- was the gap between us because it was too inconvenient for him to travel from Aldergrove to Vancouver (or to invite us out there), because he'd rather forget he has children/grandchildren, or because he thought I didn't want him around. It's hard to pick up the phone and call the man who still treats me like a 3 year old simply because that was when he spent the most time with me and hasn't noticed all the changes over the last two decades.

Lastly I feel depression is starting to rear it's ugly head again. I feel it in waves at random times. I'm so trying to raise ds well with the best efforts I can muster... Sometimes I feel so sad that I might have done him an injustice by splitting with his father; it's apparent he misses him with the snuggles he gives the ex when he sees him on visits. I know it was an unhealthy relationship though and remind myself that it's better for all of us this way. Just lonely and hard sometimes.

Okay. I'm done. Thank you strangers for letting me vent.
post #16 of 335
8/5/08 at 2:34am
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffani View Post
job offer confirmed...start date, sep 29.
Hoooray!!!!
post #17 of 335
8/5/08 at 2:40am
westcoastma -
post #18 of 335
8/5/08 at 2:58am
(((westcoastma))) hugs to you.... you are doing a great job. I'm sorry you don't have the support that you deserve.

Tiffani wow, congratulations!

Hugs for anyone else who needs them too.....

Happy Birthday Cassidy! I see that a few of our kids are turning 9, big changes on the way for us..... and it also reminds me, when we first started this "tribe" these same kidos were only 3!! so we've been here for SIX years!!!

Agreeing with Artparent, with so many of you going away () a party-ish get together is in order!

Tooticky, and where is that fabulous beach you went to and didn't take me? (do NOT disclose that information here in public )
post #19 of 335
8/5/08 at 4:46am
Westcoastma, emailed you


Tiffani! September! WOwee, thats really cool!
post #20 of 335
8/5/08 at 12:41pm
Hey Jen! I forgot to say Happy Birthday Cass!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by westcoastma View Post
I keep putting one foot into this tribe but never seem to keep up with the banter.
one foot is all you need! come on in when you like!

Quote:
Originally Posted by westcoastma View Post
My mother is nearly pushing me over the edge.
big , not much advice, that's a tough situation you're in...

Quote:
Originally Posted by westcoastma View Post
I used to cuddle this dog like mad and now I only seem to shoo him away. It's really sad that my giving, giving, giving to ds has left me with only irritation for the pup.
it might feel sad, but it's totally normal... I had a friend who was worried when she was pregnant that she wouldn't love her baby as much as she loved her dogs... then the baby is born, and the dogs are pretty much just a nuisance...sad but true. if you pretend you like the dog every so often, and make sure it's basic needs are met, you're golden.

Quote:
Originally Posted by westcoastma View Post
I had to let ds crawl around while I did so because he got bored of the Ergo. It didn't take longer than 20 min but ds was tired of being ignored at the end of it and I felt uber guilty.
DO NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR THIS!!!! Crawling around is an important part of life for kids his age, and playing alone is a valuable skill!! You do not need to fill his every waking hour with entertainment, and doing so is actually detrimental -- he needs to be able to explore the world on his own steam, play by himself, and get into things while you're trying to cook! I am so glad I was introduced to the concept of "benign neglect" when my first was a baby -- my kids have never expected me to entertain them, they play well on their own, and they have a rich inner dialogue going on when their on their own -- they're at peace playing by themselves. If they need you, you do your best to meet those needs, but it's good for a one year old to have some time just crawling on the floor on his own -- bring a few interesting objects into the kitchen, set him down, and do your thing! If he fusses, find a new interesting object for him to play with for a while. It can be really hard to cook while trying to tend to a baby, but guilt should not even enter into it!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by westcoastma View Post
I posed the question which had been bothering me for a long time now
good for you! it's hard to initiate those conversations...

Quote:
Originally Posted by westcoastma View Post
Lastly I feel depression is starting to rear it's ugly head again.


Quote:
Originally Posted by westcoastma View Post
Okay. I'm done. Thank you strangers for letting me vent.
that's what we're here for!!! Let us know how it's all going!
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