Vancouver(ish) Tribe: Chatting in deep summer... - Page 2

[tooticky]

Originally Posted by Len

[B]

Tooticky, and where is that fabulous beach you went to and didn't take me? (do NOT disclose that information here in public )

Did you see that I at least called you???

[tooticky]

westcoastma... Many to you... You have a lot of hard things to deal with right now...

I wanted to tell you that I felt the same way about my cat after having children. I know of other people who have felt an aversion to their pets and other people's too...

Please vent here as much as you like!!! I know that it often makes me feel better just to write things down and have a few sympathetic hugs.

[Autumn Mama]

Originally Posted by tooticky

I wanted to tell you that I felt the same way about my cat after having children. I know of other people who have felt an aversion to their pets and other people's too...

I felt the same about my cats (and suffered guilt twinges, too!) and even felt that aversion towards those folks in our families who weren't able to be "useful" when around our new family. It was like, they became extremely irritating and fell to the periphery of my sense of valueing them. This definitely was the case with my high-maintenance MIL.

All normal feelings, like tiffani said.

Big hugs to you Mama.

One of the things that I love/loved to do to escape the feelings of irritation (and I still have those today with a 6 year old and a soon-to-be-three year old, towards my DH sometimes!!!) is to get anywhere else, even the backyard, and just watch my new LO (and now older DS's) see the "firsts". Watch them enjoying splashing in some water in a Rubbermaid in the shade, or showing them a bird on the lawn, just living through their experiences of the world, and their senses. Heals many wounds, sometimes for me!!!

[flowmom]

tiffani!

: Cass!

westcoastma -- tiffani and Autumn Mama have shared some wise words with you, but it cannot be easy.

[artparent]

happy birthday cass!

(((westcoastma))) that's rough. it can be hard to live with people, particularly parents...sometimes i find just trying to love them, not change them, works best for everyone. obviously much harder than it sounds...but the element of acceptance can affect your stress level a lot. can you find support in other places? i found john gottman's the relationship cure very useful recently in trying to shift some issues in my relationships. the most immediate effect is for me to do everything wrong but i expect that's the learning process, recognise what i'm doing, how i'm participating in dynamics...

*

[mamaana]

westcoast ma

tiffani - wow and congrats. When we're done with the Cowtown adventure, we want to go to NZ so Rick can train for Ironman there.

ksenia - I don't know what that is but healing vibes to you all :


I'm all for a going-away get-together.


I have stuff to give away...PM me if you want any of this

Moose meat and venison - dh's group drew 2 bulls this year so I have to clear my freezer.
Mason jars of all sizes and tons of rings and lids.
Homemade Blueberry syrup I'm not taking it to Calgary

I'm also having a yard sale this Sat - pm me for my address

Gotta run and declutter some more!

[Storm Bride]

I haven't caught up on the whole thread, but

Ksenia: Sorry to hear about the hand-foot-and-mouth - sounds awful. I hope everyone is better soon.

westcoastma: I hope things settle down soon. I remember becoming a single mom, and it was tough even for me - and I was in my own place and my son was 7!

Tiffani: Another one leaving? Wow - this tribe is shrinking almost daily right now. Congrats - hope everything goes well.


We're back. We had a good time, overall. The kids had a blast, and I think my BIL did, too. I had a horrible blowup with my mom, but we're okay again...was a direct result of my total and utter lack of anything resembling self-confidence. If I had any belief that I was even marginally competent at anything, it wouldn't have happened at all. The kids and I are sunburned, and I have a headache - probably from muscle tension, as it was a long drive (by my standards) home from Manning.

I need to figure out a way for everyone to have fun, as dh didn't really enjoy himself much. He likes the campfire to be a quiet time, and the teenagers (ds1 and my oldest nephew) like to sit around and...babble. We'll have to figure out a compromise next time. I have to say that it was really great watching my son and nephew step in and help us find ways to deal with problems (the tarp almost blowing away, and mom's tent collapsing and such). They're definitely not kids, anymore.

[flowmom]

mamaana -- I forgot to congratulate you too!

Storm Bride -- IME it helps to restrict the size of camping parties. We find that the more people are involved, the more needs there are to consider.

[flowmom]

[flowmom]

you're invited to this thread

Vancouver(ish) Tribe: planning a going-away party :

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Ksenia

Storm Bride -- IME it helps to restrict the size of camping parties. We find that the more people are involved, the more needs there are to consider.

I agree completely. However, in this case, the only serious conflict of needs is between dh and ds1. I think that next time we camp, which will probably be next year, I'm going to have a separate campsite for ds1 and my nephew (my nephew is usually part of the trip, as ds1 likes to have someone roughly his age along, and they're practically brothers, anyway). They can be with us all day and eat with us and such - and then they can go to their own campfire and sleep in their own tent. It shouldn't matter too much how many other people are with us, if any. I'd definitely like to camp with my BIL and the kids again...dd and ds2 loved it.

[dido1]

Congratulations Tiffani!

Westcoastmama, I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. This is a great place to vent when you need to. Perhaps it's time to reconsider your agreement with the ex regarding childcare? Particularly if he isn't providing financial support to you at this time. IMO, I think that vetos many of his rights to decision making.

I'm on tenderhooks waiting for news about a job DH is up for. We are supposed to find out this week if it's a go. Otherwise, we'll likely start searching in Calgary. We really want to stay in Vancouver, but you go where the work is, right? I can get a job anywhere, but DH is sort of in a niche market.

We had a lovely but short camping trip up in Princeton. DS had a blast being outdoors all the time and I actually enjoyed myself instead of being all uptight like I was last year. Although our neighbours did stress me out a tad as they let their 4 year old roam the very large campsite by herself for most of the day and didn't seem very concerned (actually, I don't think they even noticed) when she was going in other people's tents and trailers and wanting everyone's food. They were too busy reading. They had a 6 month old who sat in the playpen for most of the time we were there to...one time for 45 minutes by himself while the parents were inside their pop up trailer camper reading. To each their own. Sigh.

[artparent]

where can i buy a hotsling locally; or does someone have one they'd like to sell me?

*

[dido1]

You can buy hotslings at Crododile Baby on 4th Avenue

[mamaana]

Originally Posted by dido1

I'm on tenderhooks waiting for news about a job DH is up for. We are supposed to find out this week if it's a go. Otherwise, we'll likely start searching in Calgary. We really want to stay in Vancouver, but you go where the work is, right? I can get a job anywhere, but DH is sort of in a niche market.

Come to Calgary

What does your dh do?

[dido1]

Originally Posted by mamaana

Come to Calgary

What does your dh do?

He's in government relations. He has done mostly political stuff but recently transitioned into gr for the private sector. He's totally conservative so Alberta would be a good fit, LOL.

[weliveintheforest]

Westcoastma

Wow Tiffani, New Zealand sounds like such a nice place to go. How much stuff will you be bringing with you? Will you find a place to live online or will you wait until you get there?

We went blueberry picking today and it was really nice, I think we will do more of it The pay isn't great but what other job can you bring your children along with you, and get paid in food?

I'm looking forward to the next chilliwack LLL meeting so I can meet some other 'crunchy' moms.

[tiffani]

Originally Posted by artparent

(((westcoastma))) that's rough. it can be hard to live with people, particularly parents...sometimes i find just trying to love them, not change them, works best for everyone.

yes, yes, yes. you really have to accept where people are, and how they are different from you, especially if there are things you'd like them to do differently! The best way to get someone to hop onto your way of doing things is to come to a place of acceptance -- instead of being angry about leaving the iron in a dangerous place, it's sometimes helpful to just assume the best, accept that they are doing the best they can, maybe just aren't used to having a mobile baby around, and that they will learn from you if you very gently and kindly point out, in a totally non-judgemental way, how they almost killed your kid. using humor is a bonus. hey, this sounds a lot like parenting... if only we could actually DO this every time!!


We just got back from an amazingly fantastic day kayaking, and we're grilling up steak and veggies to go with our celebratory cocktails because...not only did mark get the NZ job, but he got hired on with animation mentor, which is an online animation school, where he'll be instructing students! I think teaching animation is even more fun for him than actually animating! anyhoo, the extra money will help pay off this dang debt even faster, making a future adoption an even more realistic possibility! He got a great wage in NZ as well, so we're super happy about all that. I guess this just had to happen first...

have a great night!

[tiffani]

Originally Posted by weliveintheforest

Wow Tiffani, New Zealand sounds like such a nice place to go. How much stuff will you be bringing with you? Will you find a place to live online or will you wait until you get there?

the company will rent us a car and hotel for two weeks and they have a bunch of places we can choose from -- we can also look online ourselves, but despite all my research I want to see neighborhoods and houses in person before we commit... we want to be able to have a lot of adventures while we're there, but still pay off our debt, so we're trying to stick to the lower end of the rent spectrum, and I don't want to accidentally commit to a junky house before seeing it!

we're not bringing much. we're getting rid of a lot, and putting everything else in storage, but we're trying to figure out how to get our cats there, otherwise we'll have to find someone here to take them, and then we'd worry...they love us a lot. If anyone wants two amazingly sweet and friendly yet independent cats for a year or two, pm me!

[Piglet68]

Wow, Tiffani, what a wonderful adventure! I've been to New Zealand many time since my mother's family all live in Auckland. It is a very beautiful country and in many ways very similar to here. I have not been south down to Wellington, however. DH and I would like to spend six months in NZ some time, rent an RV and travel around the country.

I feel like I'm finally coming up to surface after being totally swamped with work lately! Nice to catch up with everybody.

I think your farewell party is a great idea, Ksenia! Aug 29 would work for us.