How do you handle the "professional educators" in your family?

[pampered_mom]

We've got three state licensed teachers in our families and while they have heard that we're "planning" on homeschooling it's not something we're doing yet as even by the mainstream standards ds is too young.

I don't think we'll have too much problem with my sister as she's still very young and at this point is still looking for her first teaching job with a school district.

I do anticipate some problems with dh's mom (a retired grade school teacher). This is the woman who told my then not quite 2 yr old son that he was "holding it wrong" when he was going to draw with one of those magnet board things that he got as a Christmas gift from some random family member. She then proceeded to tell him he had to "hold it right" and tried to make him do it...that is until I intervened and said he could hold it anyway he wanted.

I'm thinking we'll probably lean more towards unschooling so I expect that she'll likely have problems with him not knowing what he "should" know at each age.

The third teacher in the family is my fil so I anticipate he'll share the same perspective as my mil. I'm just wondering what other experiences have been/how you approached it.

[heidirk]

DH is a school teacher. He's all for homeschooling.

[camprunner]

We have several state licensed teachers in our family. DH and I are state licensed along with my mother and dh's aunt and uncle. DH was thrilled when I explained that dd was actually allowed to play for most of her first day of first grade today (with 15 minutes here and 15 minutes there of lessons on her level at her pace) : My mother understands that we care very much about our children and do not take their education lightly. While she regularly poked fun at home schoolers while I was growing up she is biting her tongue on all comments right now.

[sbgrace]

I'm was a state licensed teacher for 11 years. My FIL is a retired teacher (he's got no opinion on homeschooling/doesn't bat an eye). My father is a retired teacher too and he had some concerns about socialization. Not atypical for "not teacher" grandparent concerns I suspect. My sister is a licensed teacher and she's never batted an eye either.

I think it's maybe more about your mother-in-law and your style with education/teaching clashing than homeschooling per se. I think a lot of grandparents would be nervous about the unschooling concept at first and before they understood.

In your case I'd probably not share much about what he knows/doesn't know and what you're doing/not doing. If she does quizzing of him as he gets older tell her you want her to be grandmommy to him rather than teacher. If she addresses concerns with you tell her he's learning at his own pace. As an elementary teacher surely she knows all kids are different. I'm sure there will be things your kiddo is naturally interested in and excels in that you can point out to alleviate concerns. The least said the better in this situation if you really think she can't possibly understand. But it's less teacher and more personality I think.

[onyxravnos]

if they are dead set against it i'm not sure their is much you can do. exsplain your reasons and then ignore the topic.

[Jennifer3141]

"My child. My decision. Pass the bean dip, please."

[Citymomx3]

I got my sis and BIL who are both teachers. They don't say much, but when they do, I can't stand it. Sis had the nerve to tell my mom she "felt so bad" for my ds who wasn't going to kindergarten (2 yrs ago). You know, because he'll just miss out on soooooooooooooooo much. Then I have to hear it from my mom (who gets easily swayed by sis - again).

Then there's MIL, who's not a teacher, but she might as well be. She hates that we homeschool and buys ds workbooks all the time. We get the sigh and the eyeroll pretty often, mixed in with the ever-so-subtle annoyance and shame.

So, yeah. Smile, pass the bean dip, and stay confident.

[Wilhemina]

A friend of mine likes to remind her disappoving MIL how many former PS teachers there are in our homeschool group. There are quite a few of us!

[Teresa221]

I have several teachers in my family and they didn't say much of anything about us choosing homeschooling. They asked a few questions that I happily answered, but always try to veer the conversation elsewhere because I didn't want them to feel like it was up for debate, KWIM?

My best friend is actually a teacher too, and she's very supportive of homeschooling. She asks questions occasionally, but rarely offers opinions unless I ask.

[malibusunny]

Eh, I'm a teacher, and I have nothing against homeschoolers who are actually concerned about their child's education. Of course, I worked at the "unschooling" charter school for two years so I'm a little skewed. :

I think if you really want to reassure them, the thing that will help the most is
A) being able to show that your child enjoys being homeschooled (isn't "missing out")
B) being able to show that your child is appropriately social (that's easy-- pictures of the child with friends, doing activities, having a conversation with the child talking about things done with other kids)
C) being able to show that your child is learning to DO things and ABOUT things that captivate the child (other than reading and counting, people mostly don't know what kids learn at different schools anyway) -- especially practical stuff, like having a garden, cooking, sewing, etc.

[ABand3]

I've got 5 teachers among my & DH's siblings and parents/steparents, and I was really surprised by the reactions we got, not what we expected from each person. So, I learned to not assume the worst, and don't get defensive if you really don't need to be.

The older generation (my MIL, a retired K teacher, in particular) was very in favor of our homeschooling choice (at least to our face, some people in our family have been know to talk out of both sides of their mouths); step MIL has a big misconception about what exactly we do all day, but she doesn't criticize or question (other than true curiosity).

My generation (especially one of my childless SILs) was opposed, and told us via email she was so upset at our decision that she was choosing to not even discuss it, so as to not cause a huge rift in the family. Um, ok, thanks. Whatever.

I think if you really disect people's criticism and try and get at 1) what they know/assume about school, 2) what they know/assume about hs, and 3) what they think might happen, you can answer their concerns (if you want to).

Otherwise, "thanks for your suggestion, we're happy with our decision", repeated as needed might work.

[LilyGrace]

Originally Posted by Jennifer3141

"My child. My decision. Pass the bean dip, please."

Yep. We have everyone from teachers to school bus drivers to curriculum developers in our family. I didn't ask any of them permission to start homeschooling, but 3 years in we're at the point where we can have great conversations and they can see how much he's grown outside of school. The curriculum developer is definitely on our side. She runs a program to get kids outside learning, so we fit more than the public schools she's aiming at!

[mommy68]

I wouldn't worry about it. I know that's easier said than done. I don't have any teachers in my family, thank goodness. But I have enough older people in the family to remind me all the time of how good public schools are and how they had to go when they were little and their whole "school experience" helped them become who they are as adults.

The people in my family over the age of 60 are the worst. The idea of homeschooling is just foreign to them and that's understandable.
I just let their comments go in one ear and shoot right out the other.

I guess only time will tell how things will work out. If my kids turn out good then it will prove that homeschooling isn't so bad. And if my kids turn out bad well then they aren't going to be much different than a lot of kids in public schools. So either way no one can complain about how they turn out in the end. What happens to them can happen whether they go to a school or are homeschooled.

[jplain]

"My kid, my choice. I do not have to defend my parenting decisions to you. However, if you have read research studies that conclude homeschooling is harmful (not anecdotes, not opinions, not news stories, but solid research), feel free send them my way."

[rbeaufoy]

hmmm...well, I am the "professional educator" in my family, and we homeschool, unschool in fact, for whatever that's worth. As do many other former teachers that I know. I wish, wish, WISH, "someone" would calculate a statistic about how many former educators of one sort or another end up homeschooling their own kids. It would be VERY interesting to also collect statements about "why" too....

sorry, moderately off topic..... I just couldn't help throwing my $.02 in.

R

[hippiemommaof4]

My sil is a teacher and has said a few things, I dont remember what they were because to be honest I didnt care. My mil is wishy washy about it her daughter (sil mentioned ) is the teacher so of course she is biased. Oh and my sister in law is also a teacher for the dod (department of defense) military peoples children in federal schools on base so of course they think thats the best thing since sliced bread. I dont care what they think . My child my choice. My dad also just yesterday asked what we were doing about school, I have already answered this twice to him he asked again " I said we're going to homeschool." his response "do you really think thats a good idea?" me "yes dad I do, the schools here arent right for us." I didnt elaborate too much because my dad gets upset easy @@ and he just had heart surgery so I changed the subject lol. It still irritates me that even from the teachers and non teachers it feels like they are questioning my parenting and my choices. Come on now, we're good parents and have our childrens best interest at heart. If we ever feel like we arent giving our kids a quality education, we wont hesitate to put them in the DOD schools. I get really tired of explaining and defending my choices. Sorry about the rant this just seemed to fit where I needed to say this LOL!

[Country Sunshine]

We have several ps educators in our family.


They are all very supportive of our decision.

[Seeking Refuge]

My sister is a high school resource teacher and is fabulously supportive of our decision to homeschool.

Dh's grandmother was a social worker and his two sisters are teachers and from what we hear through the grapevine they are not at all happy about our decision We don't even discuss homeschooling with them. They know we do it and would probably love to get into the argument with us but we absolutely refuse to bring up the subject or acknowledge it when they do.

It has been my experience that there is little that you can to do influence another person's opinion. You just have to do what you feel is right and not worry about what other people think.

[UUMom]

I understand that some people are not supportive, no matter their professions. It isn't always the case that teachers are not supportive of hsing, so it isn't something you will always get from the 'professional educators'. By a log shot. Some of our greatest supporters have been educator friends. In fact, our biggest allies have been teachers from the school some of my kids attended. One 3rd grade teacher even has some of my teen dd's recent art on her classroom wall.

[PGTlatte]

MIL is a retired teacher. She taught K for like 12 years, and then taught gifted and talented kids of all ages for many many years. By retirement, she felt completely jaded and disenchanted with how schools work and how the affect kids. She is supportive of us HSing because of that. Howerver she does have times when she seems worried about how I'm going to teach the basic skills and has tried to give me advice on how to do it. I listen, and I let her know in a nice way that I've been doing a lot of research and I'm not taking it lightly, and that if I need help I will get help....I will make sure that her grandkids will learn to read and do basic math.

Really I think if a relative has already made up their mind in a negative way about HSing, there is not much you can say or do that will change their minds, so I would not even try. Just hold your ground that this is what you are choosing. School is one way and HS is another way and you are choosing to HS. Then change the subject. I would refuse to get drawn in to an argument or debate with someone who has already made up their minds to not be supportive. Also you are not obligated to help them feel comfortable with your choice, and you do not need their approval. You can spend that energy with your kids instead