Please do not ask my children if they are going to school in the fall...

[kathymuggle]

My sister asked my children if "they were returning to school in the fall".

While I know she meant no harm, I find it quite insensitive.

-some Hs children, like some public schooled children do not have a say in where they attend school. Why the heck are you asking the kids this, then, and openning that can of worms?

-"returning to school" implies that is where they belong - that school is the "default". I really do not like my kids being given this message - that school is the norm, and homeschooling is a temporary thing.

To flip it over: I never, ever, ask schooled children when they are "returning to homeschool", or if they "going to homeschool". Can you imagine their parents reactions, lol?

In any event, when my sister asked this question my DD said "I don't know" and my other 2 children ignored her. I told her "I do not think they want to talk about it" and she dropped the subject. I wish I had told her it is a bit of a touchy question to ask - and told her why.

[ankh]

I hear you.

Next time one of my relatives gasps in horror at the fact I am homeschooling, asking my children if they want to go to school, I too will gasp in horror and ask theirs if they want to be at home.

[um_hanna]

i totally agree. but you know what so ironic, my sister is now choosing to homeschool lol. funny how things sometimes work out. my moms neighbor is chirstian , and has a school at home type feel so now its an ok thing lol. but for me, im non christian, child led so our way isnt right lol. but whatever, at least she is homeschooling none the less.
Blessings
::

[white_queen_22]

What used to kill me in high school (home school graduate here) is when people would ask me "Are you ever going to go to REAL school?"

Um - hello lady....I'm taking Physics, Pre-Calc, Chemistry, Economics, Microbiology and AP English. Trust me - it's REAL ok? (At the time I was striving for Vet Med degree and planning to skip a year of college so yeah - I was nuts on the school work my Junior and Senior year)

**laughing**

Angela <><

[Nomadmama]

I hear ya too. Maybe you SHOULD ask your sister if she's going to homeschool her kids this year. Maybe she would get the point. Seriously though, I expect that stuff from strangers, but from family? You should talk to her so she knows your feelings and maybe she'll be more sensitive in the future. Maybe writing down your concerns would be better so that you can be certain that she hears your concerns before becoming defensive.

[waiflywaif]

She should not have asked your kids directly, that was wrong. But asking the parent, I could understand. Situations change---sometimes people decide on public school instead of homeschool for one year or vice versa. I can see this question (if asked of a parent) being innocently asked.

[kathymuggle]

It was definately the "asking the children part" that bugged me.

If she had said to me, in a conversational way "do you ever think of sending the kids to school?" or some such thing, it would have been fine - or at least, it would not have ticked me off.

Tbh, it still would have felt weird. I have difficulty having REAL conversations about HS with people who do not HS. Not only is it because they "don't get it" but it is because my walls are high is such conversations. Maybe this will change in time - not only for me, but for HS in general, as HS becomes more known/accepted.

[Mama~Love]

I HATE when people ask my DD this too, but she proudly smiles & says VERY LOUDLY, "I'm HOMESCHOOLED!". But I guess I know why they ask her, since the boys go to public school & all.

[hippiemommaof4]

I know what you mean about being defensive and being on guard to people. You feel like you have to defend your choices. I feel that way too .I just replied in the thread about "what do you tell the educators in the family." if you care to read. i would type it out again but it hurts my head to much to go into my family and their nonsense repeatedly lol.

[Ruthla]

So, Kathymuggle's kids, I have a question for you:

Are you going to school in the fall? :




The question I get more often is "what school do your kids go to" or, to them "what school do you go to?"

[eilonwy]

: Honestly, she was asking a question and probably just trying to make conversation. I don't understand why people get all tense about questions being "insensitive." If your kids have been homeschooling for several years and your sister was entirely aware of it, it was somewhat thoughtless of her, but I think calling her "insensitive" is somewhat hypersensitive of you. : I mean really-- if you're that sensitive about homeschooling now, how are you going to deal with the BIG questions, the people who are *trying* to tick you off?

[kathymuggle]

She was just trying to make conversation, and yes, I am sensitive about this issue.

That being said, I think HS families are expected to put up with a bunch of double standards (this is only one of them). Do you ever ask schooled kids if they are going to homeschool next year? Of course not! It gets a little old.

In many ways, I actually wish people were trying to tick me off (ok - I don't really mean that) but a full attack is better than the passive agressive statements.

While 2 of my children are new to HS, one of them has been HS for 3 years.

Peace - and no need to duck, lol

kathy

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

That being said, I think HS families are expected to put up with a bunch of double standards (this is only one of them). Do you ever ask schooled kids if they are going to homeschool next year? Of course not! It gets a little old.

Actually? Yeah, I do, all the time. Just the same way that I ask pregnant women what kind of breastpump they're planning to use, or what kind of slings they've researched. There's no way to make these things normal if we just avoid the subject or if we act like they're weird.

In many ways, I actually wish people were trying to tick me off (ok - I don't really mean that) but a full attack is better than the passive agressive statements.

Well, passive I'll give you, but I don't see making conversation as intrinsically aggressive.

Peace - and no need to duck, lol

I'm paranoid. The last five questions I've asked on MDC have received overtly aggressive responses; I'm unwilling to assume that a simple response isn't going to get me flamed or reported. : But thank you. That's why I had to respond, though-- while I don't generally ask questions like your sister's, I can understand where she might be coming from and I have to assume that perhaps all she wanted was an answer, in the interest of conversation. A simple, "We're not, thanks," might have sufficed.

[elizawill]

what i hate even more than that is when people say to my children, "well if you ever go to REAL school...." i don't know why, but that ticks me off big time!!! it seems to imply that we aren't REALLY learning at home.

[elizawill]

Originally Posted by white_queen_22

What used to kill me in high school (home school graduate here) is when people would ask me "Are you ever going to go to REAL school?"

YES, i just posted that. i missed your post first time around. i really despise that!!!!!

[frogguruami]

Originally Posted by elizawill

what i hate even more than that is when people say to my children, "well if you ever go to REAL school...." i don't know why, but that ticks me off big time!!! it seems to imply that we aren't REALLY learning at home.

DS2 is VERY clear about making sure people know he is NOT going to REAL school. (His wording, not mine.) He makes the distinction clear for anyone that asks. I actually find it a little amusing to watch the kids answer those questions. DS1 just says, No we don't go to school. DS2 on the other hand is a bit more of an activist. If given the opportunity he will explain just why HSing is better. But then again, he is same way when it comes to things like reusable bags and cloth napkins so perhaps it is just a personality trait.

I really do think that this time of year it is a natural conversation starter. With all the back to school sales and such...I don't see that question (at least made in passing) as any different than "How's the weather?" or "How 'bout them bears?"

[elizawill]

Originally Posted by frogguruami

I really do think that this time of year it is a natural conversation starter. With all the back to school sales and such...I don't see that question (at least made in passing) as any different than "How's the weather?" or "How 'bout them bears?"

oh yea agreed. i'm not offended by school talk at all. it's very normal "small talk" for sure. i was referring to family members that make comments about "real" school. when my nieces talk to gracie & say if she ever gets to go to "real school", i feel it implies that she is missing out on something "real" by homeschooling, which is far from true. my dd really loves homeschooling and doesn't care about these comments... it just annoys good ol' mom. i'm pretty laid back about a lot...but man, for some reason that particular comment gets under my skin. lol.

[kriket]

I admit... I asked the 3 year old neighbor boy if he was going to school soon. I feel bad, but he is three, it was half to get a rise out of him!

I would never say "real school" if he said (he doesn't talk yet ps) My mommy homeschools me I would ask him the same things I would if he went to public, Do you like it? what are you learning?

"real school" ptth.. I went to public and I didn't consider that "real"

People's idea of "real" is lame. I tended bar for 2 years and brought home rediculus sums of money and a bank lady still said "oh when you get a real job" *mumble mumble*

[mamaMAMAma]

I got my first "when is she going to real school?" last week. Honestly, I didn't know what to say. I just sort of ignored the question. I don't understand why learning at home is any less "real" than going to school? But I agree there is definitely a double standard. Mainstream america and well... us. Homebirth, extended breastfeeding, ..., homeschool, ... I always try to be sensitive when I talk around schooled kids. I don't go around telling them we start school almost a month after they do. Or the fact that we do about an hour of school 3 days a week! ;P

[Roar]

To me people in public asking "are you having the day off?" or "have you seen the latest Disney movie?" or whatever is just part of life. We are secure in our decisions so it isn't a big deal to acknowledge our experience may not be the most common one in society.

My suggestion would be to not make a bigger deal that it is. It is a question that comes up so I'd talk to the kids about ways to respond if they are feeling uncomfortable. I really see "are you going to school?" as really different than telling the kids they aren't going to "real" school or that they will be stupid or whatever. I would model for your kids that this isn't a big deal. That will go a lot further to making them comfortable than other people phrasing the questions exactly as you want.