I've never been to this forum before, since my son is only three, but I do have three teenage stepkids. The oldest is a total dork (I say that with love) so we never really had to worry about him. He's out on his own now at college and doing fine. My stepdaughter has Down syndrome, which of course means we have things to worry about, but not in the same way.
My 17-year old stepson (going into his senior year), though... He's incredibly smart. He gets A's and B's, and has maxed out all the math classes in his school district so he'll be taking some at the local university at the district's expense. He wants to go to college at the University of Wisconsin. He's been enrolled in extracurricular sports -- football, track, swimming -- and when he's had jobs he's a really hard worker. He's very polite to adults and looks clean-cut and generally seems like a really good kid.
His parents have been divorced since he was five years old, and while his mom has always had primary placement of the kids his dad (my DH) has been a constant in their lives. They've been with us every Wednesday overnight and every other weekend, and one week in summer. For the past year or so, though, SS17 has not really wanted to come over and has not been forced to. It is pretty boring here compared to his mom's (no cable, just one tiny TV in the basement, a toddler who requires quiet for sleeping at night, 10-15 miles from friends, etc.).
His mom got her first serious boyfriend last fall. He lives about 45 minutes away so she's been staying there overnight CONSTANTLY. So, my SS17 is home alone, overnight, all the time.
His mom first caught him drinking last fall, I think -- he was stumbling, vomiting, falling down drunk. She's caught him drunk once or twice since then as well. She's also caught him coming home completely stoned, and found pot on the coffee table. She and DH have both talked to him and each time he swears he wouldn't do anything stupid (as if he hasn't already!) and that he isn't doing anything more than "just" pot and alcohol.
Oh, and he also has a girlfriend who he admits to having sex with. AND he went through about $8,000 in a year -- he was supposed to be saving for a car. The last $2000 of that was gone in three months this past spring (we saw the bank statement since DH's name was on the account too) -- he was taking out $100 at a time, sometimes $400 over several days.
DH's ex called him this morning very upset -- she found about a case worth of beer cans stashed all over his room (in socks, in shirts, etc.) along with pot, pipes and a scale.
So...WWYD? He'll be 18 in a month (but he still has a year of high school left) so I can't imagine we could MAKE him stay here. His mom does admit that she thinks she needs to stay home "more" but she doesn't really get that her presence would make a difference. FWIW her boyfriend and her parents (who are overly involved in her life and very opinionated) think she should be staying home. I'm not saying it's her fault -- SS17 has two parents -- but she wanted primary placement and to me that means she should be AROUND when the kids are around. I don't know what DH could do other than talk to his son, which he has many times.
So...WWYD?
My 17-year old stepson (going into his senior year), though... He's incredibly smart. He gets A's and B's, and has maxed out all the math classes in his school district so he'll be taking some at the local university at the district's expense. He wants to go to college at the University of Wisconsin. He's been enrolled in extracurricular sports -- football, track, swimming -- and when he's had jobs he's a really hard worker. He's very polite to adults and looks clean-cut and generally seems like a really good kid.
His parents have been divorced since he was five years old, and while his mom has always had primary placement of the kids his dad (my DH) has been a constant in their lives. They've been with us every Wednesday overnight and every other weekend, and one week in summer. For the past year or so, though, SS17 has not really wanted to come over and has not been forced to. It is pretty boring here compared to his mom's (no cable, just one tiny TV in the basement, a toddler who requires quiet for sleeping at night, 10-15 miles from friends, etc.).
His mom got her first serious boyfriend last fall. He lives about 45 minutes away so she's been staying there overnight CONSTANTLY. So, my SS17 is home alone, overnight, all the time.
His mom first caught him drinking last fall, I think -- he was stumbling, vomiting, falling down drunk. She's caught him drunk once or twice since then as well. She's also caught him coming home completely stoned, and found pot on the coffee table. She and DH have both talked to him and each time he swears he wouldn't do anything stupid (as if he hasn't already!) and that he isn't doing anything more than "just" pot and alcohol.
Oh, and he also has a girlfriend who he admits to having sex with. AND he went through about $8,000 in a year -- he was supposed to be saving for a car. The last $2000 of that was gone in three months this past spring (we saw the bank statement since DH's name was on the account too) -- he was taking out $100 at a time, sometimes $400 over several days.
DH's ex called him this morning very upset -- she found about a case worth of beer cans stashed all over his room (in socks, in shirts, etc.) along with pot, pipes and a scale.
So...WWYD? He'll be 18 in a month (but he still has a year of high school left) so I can't imagine we could MAKE him stay here. His mom does admit that she thinks she needs to stay home "more" but she doesn't really get that her presence would make a difference. FWIW her boyfriend and her parents (who are overly involved in her life and very opinionated) think she should be staying home. I'm not saying it's her fault -- SS17 has two parents -- but she wanted primary placement and to me that means she should be AROUND when the kids are around. I don't know what DH could do other than talk to his son, which he has many times.
So...WWYD?
and she did have cable. my rents had a nice stereo and huge music collection but I wasn't allowed in the living room unless someone was home 
: Perhaps having him with you for a little while for some change? or put your foot down with mom's behavior? It is NOT fair to a child, numbers mean nothing to me at highschool/college age to be out all night all the time. If she needs to get laid that bad, something is wrong with her to put herself first over her son
