pregnant after loss - August chat

[JenMidwife]

We talked about this on the other thread, but I just thought I'd start this thread here in our official ddc! Check in y'all I thought it would be nice for us to have a separate thread that anyone who wants to can read, but if there are mamas who would rather not read because they don't want to get scared, they don't have to read this thread, kwim? So we have a safe place to share our fears or whatever w/o worrying about scaring other folks.

For you guys who've previously had a loss, will you be doing anything differently this time around (extra monitoring, etc)?

I can't decide what I want. I had an absolutely textbook 1st pregnancy & homebirth (w/ the exception of hyperemesis until 16 weeks). My second pregnancy was complicated by a sub-chorionic hemorrhage/hematoma for which I bleed every.single.day from 13 weeks until it threw me into labor @ almost 23 weeks (Owen was born in the hospital w/ an epidural, so I've experienced both sides now). The blessing is that the perinatologist I saw during the bleeding said that it's unlikely to happen again. That's great, but since my loss, I've become such a worrier & now worry about all of the *other* things that might happen :

I've decided that I'm not going to have serial bHCG blood tests. I can't decide if I'd like a "viability" u/s around 8 weeks to look for a heartbeat. I'm going to do the first tri genetic screening (blood test & u/s) around 11 weeks, so I know I'll have a u/s then. I would like to plan another homebirth, but at the same time I could see myself being more cautious about things that I otherwise would have stayed home for (like meconium in the amniotic fluid). I just don't know.

Hehe, this all makes me sound pretty anxious & I'm surprisingly not! I know this is going to be a loooong 9 months, so I'm trying to just be as zen as I can. (I take a low dose of Wellbutrin so I'm sure that helps )

I'm fairly tentative about the pregnancy, I'm not making a huge announcement until we hear a heartbeat on the doppler. But I'm a RN so I have to tell the people I work with so I can avoid certain illnesses (we see a lot of shingles in particular) & we've told our close family members. So it feels like we have a good balance.

Enough of my rambling! I wish you all a HH9M! :

Thank you all for your kind words about my loss on the "other thread"

[iana703]

Jen and all the mamas that have gone through this. I hope this pregnancy is a healing one for you all.

[ms.shell]

thanks for starting this thread.
i'm here too. good luck to everyone!

[Degas]

Hi Jen
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine losing a baby that late. It must be extremely hard. How are you doing?

Both of my losses were *very* early on, 5 or 6weeks and 4 weeks. Before the second loss, I thought I was pregnant in Jan (I guess it could have been a chemical with no positive test), and I just about broke down crying in fear of what could happen - before I even knew if I was pregnant or not. But for some reason with the second loss and this pregnancy, I don't have that fear. Especially with this pregnancy, for some reason I'm more confident everything will be OK. I don't know why. I'm actually having less symptoms than I have with either of the miscarriages and the times I thought I was pregnant. I've been having on and off "symptoms" ever since the first miscarriage though. I think my body's just been out of whack. However, maybe the reason I feel like it is fine is because with L's pregnancy it was a lot like this, hardly any symptoms except a positive test.

[JenMidwife]

hehe, I started that first posy & then had to run to dd. Did y'all wonder why it only said "hi"? Anyway, I updated it

I'm doing okay. DH & my mom have been so great & I have a very supportive group of friends IRL & online- they have been my therapy. & as I mentioned in the OP, I do take a low dose of Wellbutrin. 7/22/08 was my dd w/ Owen & the month of July was MUCH harder than I thought it would be. We have been ttc since I got my first AF after Owen was born (I think this we my 4th cycle) so we are very VERY happy to be pg (though of course we still miss Owen desperately).

[Degas]

I totally get why you feel more cautious and want more monitoring Jen, especially with what you've gone through!

For some reason though, I want less monitoring. The first miscarriage we did HCGs and a vaginal ultrasound, but of course it didn't change the outcome because I was so early on. I guess I feel like I'll just worry more about the results, etc., with that than if I don't have any of it at all. Also, though I'm feeling like this baby is really sticky and not worrying as much as I thought I would. But I totally get why some people would want more monitoring. I think just different things ease peoples minds.

One thing I am being more cautious about, and I'm not sure why since I'm not really worried otherwise, is dtd. For some reason, that does bring up fears of spotting and then worries about miscarriage.

[michanders4]

UGH I JUST POSTED LIKE 3 PARAGRAPHS BUT IT SAID I WASN'T SIGNED IN AND I LOST IT ARGHHH!!!!

Let me try to remember everything I said.

I am pregnant after a loss and am feeling surprisingly calm about it. I just realize that there is nothing I could have done to prevent the first loss and there isn't anything I can do now besides take care of myself and the rest is up to God.

I decided to have my HCG level and progesterone monitored right away just to see how it looks. With my first pregnancy, I wouldn't have known anything was wrong based on levels though, but it is still a mini milestone to know that things are going as they should in the beginning! I didn't have any spotting or cramping last time. I only found out the pregnancy wasn't viable because I pushed for an early u/s. When I went in at 8 weeks all they could see was a yolk sac. I went back in one week later and they only could see a tiny fetal pole. Two weeks later the fetal pole was basically the same size and there was not a heartbeat. It was a very long and tough process. I decided to take medicine to help me miscarry as my body was really holding on to the pregnancy and I was not comfortable with a D&C. I started miscarrying in the beginning of March and didn't finish until the endish of May/early June.

So anyway, on Friday (3w6d) my HCG was 49.7 and my progesterone was 19.5. Yesterday (4w2d) my HCG was 312.3 and my progesterone was 21.36!!!! Looking really good so far!!!!

Everything I read and hear (from my doctors) suggests that what happened the first time was a fluke (and happens in what 1 out of every 4 pregnancies - how scary is that??) and that my chances of having a successful pregnancy this time are statistically really good. It scares me because I haven't carried a baby to term, but I can get pregnant and my body really wants to be pregnant and seeing as how common not seeing a heartbeat can be (the pregnancy just not developing right - ultimately meaning something was wrong and your body knew it) I feel my chances are great this time and I feel great about it!!!!

Wishing us all a H&H9 and sticky baby dust to US ALL!!!! :

[Degas]

I'm so happy to be a part of a DDC

I just realized how positively giddy I am just to be able to be a part of a DDC. I didn't find mothering until I was already miscarrying with my second pregnancy. I've lurked on other DDCs for the past year (in hopes that I would be joining one eventually ), and I only got to be a part of one for one day before I miscarried the second time.

So it's been great to really feel a part of this community already!

[catballou24]

i just posted in the regular pregnant after loss forum, but am going to move over to here. we are a little over 4 weeks along and i decided to go ahead and get the full round of blood work this week. i wasn't going to, but then i decided for my own peace of mind i would. my ND is actually a very close friend as well, so i'll get the results back fast and we'll know if things are looking alright so far or not. i don't know if i'll do the u/s at 8 weeks, but we've got a bit of time to decide that. our last pregnancy ended at 8 weeks but the baby stopped growing at a little over 6 weeks. i'm a nervous wreck of course with this one, but just trying to maintain some calm and get through it. trying not to analyze every twinge and symptom as well...

i'm so sorry for everyone's losses and i hope we all have a happy and healthy 9 months this time around...

[preemiemamarach]

thanks for starting this thread.

my situation is a little different- I miscarried my DS's twin at around 12-13 weeks. We didn't know I was carrying twins until we discovered the 2nd baby wasn't viable. It was pretty awful, and I miscarried through most of my 2nd trimester.

There are a lot of things that will be different this time. I am seeing a maternal fetal medicine OB this time, both because I lost a twin, and because DS has multiple medical issues that may stem from a chromosome problem. We are seeing a geneticist for him at the end of the month. They did a screening questionaire for me with the MFM group, and here are my risk factors:

age 36
preterm prodromal labor starting at 23 weeks
preterm delivery at 33 weeks
early twin loss
pre-eclampsia
possible chromosomal disorder in DS
history of cervical cancer (2 surgeries)
history of endometriosis (2 surgeries for that as well)
large amt of scar tissue in uterus

We got pregnant this time in 1 WEEK of trying. I have been really sick since last Monday, and I'm only 4w5d today. I am pretty convinced already this is another twin pregnancy, but I am terrified it is, KWIM? If I can't even carry a singleton to term, what happens with twins?

Anyway, it's nice to know there are others here who understand. I am not telling anyone else until 2nd tri. I was really closely monitored last time because i had so many risk factors, but I probably won't be monitored as much this time because (1) we moved, and I'm 1 hour away from the hospital where my doctor is, and (2) my son's medical needs take up a lot of time. I am also trying to get a job right now, so I just don't know how I will be able to juggle everything.

I have my first consult with the MFM specialist on the 19th. I know they plan to do a dating ultrasound then, and I will probably ask for a beta as well.

[ms.shell]

ikwym, rachel. i lost twins and i am terrified of twins this time too. really hoping to see one babe with a beating heart on the u/s next week.
good luck to everyone

[preemiemamarach]

Originally Posted by ms.shell

ikwym, rachel. i lost twins and i am terrified of twins this time too. really hoping to see one babe with a beating heart on the u/s next week.
good luck to everyone

huge to you. it's tough because I feel, deep down, that I'm destined to have twins, but the thought scares me to death! What day is your u/s? I will send a special prayer your way. Mine will be August 19th.

[ms.shell]

u/s August 13. kinda feeling in limbo til then, lol.
on another note, i saw a new ob for the 1st time yesterday and he sent me for "labs." I called today to see if i could find out my hcg and prog levels, but the nurse said he didnt order these. she sd they were doing blood type, hiv and...i think antibodies (?). well, i could have told them my blood type and that im hiv neg. i thought it was standard to check the hormone levels. i mean they took like 5 vials of blood i cant believe they didnt check. so im not feeling as positive about this doc now.

[jmo]

GREAT idea to start this thread, jen!! (I just love that we are exactly the same amount pg -- same due and everything).

Anyway, this is my 5th pg and I have one living dd. My three m/c have all been in the last yr. I've seen an RE and had tons of testing done only to find that everything looks normal. So here we go again...holding our breath. I had 2 betas and progesterone tests so far and it looks good. But, I'm only a little over 4 wks so who knows. I have a u/s scheduled for 8/25. Depending on how that one goes I may or may not have another one. I plan on seeing the RE until 12 wks and then switch over to my homebirth mw.

I'm sorry for e/o's losses but it's nice to have some women who can relate to this scary/exciting time.

[catballou24]

went in for my first round of blood work today...am extremely nervous. i had them check progesterone and my ND ordered a beta check too, so i'll go back on friday to recheck both of those and am praying they will be going up as they should.

i'm completely, utterly exhausted...bbs are starting to hurt more and i get a little nauseas here and there if i haven't eaten..other than that, and peeing constantly, nothing else...i guess a bit crampy. the exhaustion is what's getting to me most right now...i'm so ready for a nap in the mid day and want to crawl into bed by 8 every night...just too tired for anything... my ND wants me to start taking floradix...so i need to pick some up. we'll know if it's my iron levels sometime today when my labwork comes back. the good thing is, my ND is also one of my best friends, so she'll call or email immediately with the results...

[scraphappy-Red]

I've lost two around the six - seven week mark, in March 2003 and Dec 2005. Of course, it was right after we told EVERYONE! So this time around, I've only told those who I could also comfortably grieve a loss with. I'll probably share the news with others around the 8 week mark.

Otherwise, no additional tests or anything for me, I guess.

Take Care...

[JenMidwife]

So glad we have this special place we can call home

I find myself resisting joinging the dedicated PAL forum in "pregnancy & birth loss". I really feel like this is a whole new pregnancy & am not feeling too anxious- but I might if I immerse myself in other people's anxiety. So I'm making myself at home here

I too kind of had a premonition w/ my loss. Originally dh & I decided that 3 years would be the ideal gap b/w our kids. But then around the time dd was 1yo, I thought "what if something happens to my next pregnancy or it takes us a long time to get pg, that would certainly increase the gap" So we stopped using condoms & got pg shortly there after. & sure enough, we lost that baby.

I also hadn't been taking as good care of myself (nutritionally) as I am now, so I feel more confident in my body's ability to carry this pregnancy.

I'm still feeling pretty chill, but I sure wish I'd have some symptoms (I know it's EARLY but still!). I talked w/ a friend today who's had multiple losses & after hearing her experiences, I think I'm going to skip a 7-8 week u/s & try to hold out until the 11 wk nuchal fold scan.

Originally Posted by jmo

(I just love that we are exactly the same amount pg -- same due and everything).

Me too! :

Originally Posted by scraphappy-Red

I've only told those who I could also comfortably grieve a loss with.

That's exactly what I've done too. I really wear my heart on my sleeve, so I do have to tell some people, but they will be the people I'll cry w/ if I m/c. My "rule of thumb" in my head is "if I don't see/talk to them once a week or more, I probably don't need to go out of my way to tell them"

[ms.shell]

Originally Posted by JenMidwife

I also hadn't been taking as good care of myself (nutritionally) as I am now, so I feel more confident in my body's ability to carry this pregnancy.

this is helping me too, Jen. When I found out i was carrying twins last time i was underweight and i just could not gain no matter what i did. When i lost them at 16 weeks i had only gained 2 lbs. I was having problems with my bp almost from the beginning and my body was just really stressed.
since losing them in December I have gained about 5 or 6 more lbs and have a little bit of fat starting out and just feel like im starting out from a much healthier place than i did last time, and this is really helping me to feel more confident that this pg might have a better chance of working out.
also, dp understands how much stress was a problem last time and is being really sweet and cool and helping me to relax and not get worked up and i think this is really helping me too. i really want this baby for him he is going to be the best daddy ever.
hope everyone is having a great day!

[smocklets]

I'm so glad we have this thread. Miscarriage has been constantly on my mind since I found out that I was pregnant. My most recent m/c was in May, I was 10 weeks along, but I was kind of expecting to miscarry because I had been very sick with the flu around 5-6 weeks, with a high fever. As I recovered from the flu, my pregnancy symptoms seemed to go away as well.

I also lost a baby at 12 1/2 weeks in Dec 2002. Again I had few symptoms and felt something was wrong.

I have three healthy kids whose pregnancies made me extremely sick for the first trimester. I am feeling a little queasy now, and realllly tired, so I am feeling better about this pregnancy.

[catballou24]

got my first round of blood work back today...all my chems are spot on she said. nothing bad or even anything to watch..so that's good, i'm healthy!

my progesterone was great - 35.1! and my first round of betas were 894 which is perfect for the stage i'm at...puts my bean at about 4 weeks gestation which totally corresponds with my ovulation. of course those numbers mean nothing if they aren't going up, so i go back tomorrow to get the next set taken and should find out tomorrow afternoon about those...i'm just crossing my fingers that the betas are doubling like they should! i'm on 300mg of prometrium, so as long as the prog is going up a couple points then my body is doing what it's suppose to...

so after that we'll just have to get past the 8 week mark (that's when my last m/c occurred) so i can have a little peace of mind until we finally hear/see a hb, at which point i'll be the happiest gal on the planet...